CHAPTER 16 BABY CLASS

For about 4 out of the nine months my husband and I attended parenting classes that my insurance paid for. For the most part they were good. The bad parts were when they showed us what could happen in delivery. First they pulled out some salad tossers that they called forceps. I guess those were to grab the baby by the head and pull him out if he wasn’t coming. Then they showed me a vacuum. I wasn’t happy I was freaking out. Finally they showed us some wierd contraption that screwed into the babies head to monitor him. That was it I was officially freaked. I made up my mind. I was having a C-Section. Another scary day was when the dentist came to visit. He told us horror stories about cavities and showed pictures of babies with rotten teeth. Then he told us that if parents brought in a child with a cavity and they brought it in a second time with another one he would call social services on them. Whoah what? Kids get cavities. Mental note..don’t go to this crazy ass parent hater. finally though the best day of all was the day that we actually got to play with little dolls. The teachers assumed us moms knew what to do and set in teaching the dads. First they asked the dads to change the dolls diaper. They opened it up to find peanut butter smeared all over the babies butt (interesting we have seen some similar stuff after having him.) So the dads had to figure out how to get all of the peanut butter off. Then they had to put a fresh diaper on. Rob tore the little straps off his first one and had to get another diaper. Then they had to put a hat and shirt on the baby and master swaddling. It was hilarious seeing how it took some people twice as long as others to get the shirts on and some peoples swaddle fell apart in seconds. The best though was when they turned out the lights, turned on a tape of a screaming child that got worse the longer it was on and handed them each a bottle, some formula and water and said make a two ounce bottle. Man there was formula flying everywhere. They forgot to cover the nipple and when they shook water was alllll over. That class was my favorite because it was the first time I actually felt like I knew something.

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