CHAPTER 15 WAIT NOW I HAVE TO WORRY

So the pregnancy progressed and before I knew I started to worry. What if I”m not a good mom. We started taking parenting classes which are a whole chapter in themselves and during these classes they talked about SIDS. OMG I became obsessed what if my baby died of sids. What if I didn’t hear him at night. What if someone kidnapped him. What if someone came along and cut him out of my belly (yes I really did think that thanks to my mom telling me that it had happened on TV.) Anyway another thing you should know about me is that I am the queen of “whatifs.” I can what if any situation. What if a car hits mine and I didn’t put the carseat in the middle and the baby dies because it hit me on the side his seat was on. What if I’m crossing a bridge and a spider gets in the car and bites me and I drive off. Did I mention I am also totally insane. Basically I went into major freak out mode about being a bad mom. Thank god for what to expect when your expecting and Jenny Mccarthy. Both of those books told me that by worrying about not being a good mom I was actually being a good mom. That meant that my natural instincts were kicking in. They said if you didn’t think about that stuff it was a bad sign. Hell I was about to become an excellent mother then by their standards. This made it okay to worry that although I do have a state of the art alarm system in my house I don’t have an alarm on my crawl space meaning someone could cut a whole in the side of my house and come in through the crawl hole kidnapping my son. HEY It could happen.

CHAPTER 12 A NAME

We had been going back and forth on names for a while. Rob had been driving home one night and fell in love with the name Taylor. I wasn’t so hot on it for a first name so we decided to stick it in as a middle name. My dad called and said Aloysious was his grandpas name and he wanted that too. So our baby had two middle names. Finally I was reading the Tommy Lee book one day and he was talking about his sons Brandon and Dylen. That settled it My son was going to be named Brandon. Brandon Taylor Aloysious Mateo. What a mouth full. We had a name and set to work planning a shower.

CHAPTER 13 THE SHOWER


My friend Katie decided to plan the shower. Katie is a very classy gal which is totally opposite of me. I wanted chips and dip and weiner wraps. Katie wanted pinwheels, fruit bowls and mimossas. We met in the middle and had it all. My mom also brought alon egg salad sandwhiches and PB&J. Thank god because I was addicted to Peanut butter during the pregnancy. And I mean addicted. But we will address that later. Anyway I made sure we had fun games because she prefers showers with out games and just casual conversation. So we ended up with baby food tasting, a game where we melted different chocolate bars into a diaper and then made people guess what it was (it looked like poo in a diaper I loved it, everyone else thought I was gross for liking it) and the measure your belly game. I think there was more but I can’t remember. Anyway I thought it would be more fun to have Rob come and bring a few of his friends. And also since I had lost so much weight and Rob had seemed to gain it all I thought why not have us stand back to back and measure how big both of our bellies had gotten. At this time he was actually as big as me. The shower was a little wierd though because the friend who had had all the abortions had come and I didn’t know why because I hadn’t really been talking to her. She acted like my best friend and ran around opening stuff and un packing and all the while I was thinking what on earth is she doing here. That was the last day I talked to her. She came to the hospital but I didn’t talk to her becuase I was so caught up in me and Brandon. I remember my mom asking to take a picture of the three of us and the whole time I was sitting there thinking wow this whole thing is soo fake. I remember realizing that the things she was doing with her life were things I no longer wanted to be a part of. I was about to have a baby. I needed to grow up and realize this little baby needed a better environment and better people then who I was with. I made the decision to get rid of all the bad in my life and make it good. Anyway the shower was really nice and I got some great pictures of my husband eating gross food so that made it fun for me.

CHAPTER 11 IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

Have I told you yet how sick I was during the pregnancy? I vomitted so much I actually lost 20 pounds. I had morning sickness the whole pregnancy. In fact I had morning, noon, night and in between sickness. I also became enemic and I was always dehydrated. I didn’t mind though the babys was growing and healthy and that is all that mattered. The baby was very active and always on the move. They would tell me how your baby is on the inside is how he will be one the outside. The first time Rob got to feel him kick he had been trying for hours to feel my belly with his hand. Finally I said put your head on my belly and see if you can hear anything. Whack. The baby kicked Rob right in the head. HA HA HA I loved it. His favorite thing was to stick his butt or foot out so you could see it from the outside and people got all wierded out.

CHAPTER 10 THE THING INSIDE ME


The whole first five months of the pregnancy I didn’t really know if I wanted a boy or a girl. When people asked me I usually said I wanted a girl because it was what they wanted to hear. Everyone always assumed since I was such a girly girl that I would want to raise a girl like that. Don’t get me wrong if I had a girl I would. She would become the pinkest barbie doll cheerleading designer clothes wearing person ever. The whole time I was pregnant from about the second month I started dreaming that I was having a boy. Not just anyboy though, a bald headed cartoon boy. If any of you watch the Simpsons and have seen Apu’s kids I kept dreaming that I was having the little one with the culdisac hairline. I think I dreamt this because my husband is so dark that I naturally assumed our son would come out dark and Apu’s kids must have been the darkest kids I could conjour up in my dreams. Anyway some nights I would wake up pretty upset that I was going to have a cartoon baby. We were going to find out in March what our baby was going to be. About two days before we were going to find out I was driving home up my street and I saw this little boy about 7 years old outside running around in a spider man costume. Mind you it was March so it wasn’t even a Halloween costume. I could not get the image of my neighborhood spiderman out of my head. That night I couldn’t sleep I woke up Rob at about 3 to ask him what he was for Halloween when he was younger. He told me he had been a base ball player, a cow boy, batman and robin and so on. It was settled. I wanted a boy. I didn’t want 10 years of princess costumes and butterfly wings. I wanted a boy. I wanted someone to climb the walls and play in the dirt. We have a family friend named Norma who is from Mexico and doesn’t speak the best english. I have always thought she held some secret powers. Anyway from the day she found out I was pregnant she touched my stomach and said “You are having a boy, I know.” So the day we are going to find out I made the appointment before work. We went in and the lady was doing a ton of measurments. She kept telling me the sex wasn’t important and she would get to it after all the other stuff was done. So I stopped watching and started talking to Rob about how she had just told me the baby had a full bladder. “Okay so it looks like you are having a boy.” I’m sorry what. I wasn’t even paying attention. “You are having a boy, look there is his little turtle right there.” (she actually referred to my sons penis as a turtle.” I was so happy. I started to cry because I knew that me and this thing inside were going to get along. During this ultrasound we also got to se a little bit of his personality. First he started jumping up and down inside me. Then the lady moved the wand so it was pressing his head. And you could see him start jumping up and trying to head butt the wand out of there. He got so mad he started stomping his feet and shaking his arms. It became obvious this little boy was going to have some personality. I liked that. I went to work and made the annoucement. My dad was so excited he actually drove to Babies R Us all by himself and brought back a little tiny Giants baseball hat and a yellow bib with a lizard on it that when you pressed a button it burped at you. He was over the moon. That day started a chain of random stuff buying. He bought him little carharts and flannels, a santa outfit, a raiders outfit (or two or three, shoes, Nike socks and so on. (The insaine grandparent buying hasn’t stopped. In fact my dad can’t even go to the grocery store or a 7-11 with out buying something for my son.) After this my husband, my mom and I loaded up and took a trip to Babies R Us. We bought a crib, a night stand and the most beautiful bedding ever. I ran home and set it all up and before I knew it we had a babies room. I found a song that I loved to play to the baby called Simple Man by Lynard Skinard. I would play it in the car, at work or in headphones to my belly. I was starting to like the thing in my belly. However I was still convinced I was going to love my cat more then my baby.

CHAPTER 8 WAIT WHAT

I got so caught up partying and having fun that it took me a while to notice the differences I was feeling. The first thing I noticed was that I got car sick just driving to the end of the street. The next thing I noticed was that if Rob and I were having a tiny fight I would end up throwing myself on the floor crying. All the sudden I knew. I was pregnant. I figured it out in the middle of November and decided to keep it to myself until I knew for sure. I wasn’t going to take a test or anything I just figured I would wait and see. So thanksgiving rolled around and we were all at my moms and everyone was doing shots of Tequila. I said I had to be the designated driver and declined to do shots. The drunker everyone got the more they tried to force shots on me. I refused and Rob took me in a room and said its okay to have one. I told him no and to drop it. That was that. A few days later I finally decided I would take a test. Only I was so nervous I couldn’t tell what it said. I went running out of the bathroom at work with a test in one hand and a box in the other and threw them at my mom. I said tell me what that said. She was shocked. She had no clue I even thought I might be pregnant. She looked down and said it was positive. I freaked out. I called Rob right away and immediately scheduled an appointment to go to the doctor and have them tell me for sure. It was set I was pregnant. I was going to be a mom. Wait a minute. I was going to be a mom holy shit. Now what.

CHAPTER 9


The months started to pass and I was soooo sick. I actually dropped 20 pounds during my pregnancy. During the pregnancy I went through all of the normal motions. I registered and decorated the baby room and got excited over all the little clothes. All the while I was thinking I don’t even feel attached to this thing inside of me. In fact that is really what I though of it. It was a thing. Stay tuned to find out what happened. Did I learn to be a mom or what.

CHAPTER 7 I DO


Our wedding was so beautiful. I am not traditional at all. We had the wedding outside at the Rose Garden in Reno. They were in full bloom. I picked a dress that was strappless with teeny tiny pale pink rosebuds on it with little pale green leaves. Then I had them cut it too what I believe is called waltz length and I had pale pink tule sticking out the bottem. I also had them rip out the back and make it a corset with pink ribbon. It was great. My bridesmades wore strapless dresses from macys the were the same length and had pink and green roses on them with pink tule coming out the bottom. My husband sweats a lot so we decided to go with super thing kahki linen pants and he had a thin white button up short sleeve shirt. It was awesome it looked almost like a beach weddding only in the grass. The guys also wore the linen pants and said they were the greatest things ever. We bought roses at Costco and made our own boquets. Then we had the reception next door at the California building. The food was great and so was the party. We honeymooned in Hawaii and it was beautiful. OMG I would move there in a heartbeat. Our wedding was so perfect for the two of us. Totally untraditional, fun and outgoing.

CHAPTER 5 I’M OVER IT


The day I was supposed to go in and get my blood work to see if I was pregnant I got my period. I decided that I had enough. I threw away all of my fertility drugs and bought a bottle of Amaretto. I got drunk. At this point I decided that I was only 22 I was gong to live it up. My husband and I started going out and meeting new friends who weren’t pregnant or having abortions. We concentrated on loving each other for the time. Finally the day came that my cousin had her baby. The whole time in the waiting room people kept telling me I wasn’t getting pregnant because I wasn’t married. Wow I was shocked. How rude for them to say. I mean its not the 50’s anymore and here I was finding out how old fashioned my whole family was. I fell in love with my cousins daughter Jaida immediately. She was beautiful. At that moment I realized I was okay with out a baby. I was okay just being aunt Shannon and partying with my friends.

CHAPTER 6 WOW


After talking a lot Rob let me know he was going to ask my dad if he could marry me. I was so shocked. I couldn’t believe this was going to happen. So the day came and he asked and all was well and my mom and I ran right out and bought wedding books. We even looked at rings and Rob knew exactly what I liked. A few weeks passed and nothing. Finally one day Rob came by my work and I showed him all of the magazines and he was furious. He said we weren’t even engaged and here I was planning a wedding that I wasn’t even happening yet. I started bawling and tried to tell him that girls just did this kind of thing. We planned our weddings from the time we were old enough to know what a wedding was. He didn’t care he told me to stop it he was feeling pressured. I cried some more and finally he said what ever I could look at my books but that was it because he was in the winter season and didn’t even have money for a ring. I was really sad about this but decided I would take what I could get. That night I was sitting on the couch feeling like crap from my period so I popped a vicodin and went to work swooning over my wedding magazines. He just laughed at me because he couldn’t believe girls really liked all that junk. He told me I was a dork and went to get ready for bed. I couldn’t tear myself away from my book especially since one of them had a special insert dedicated to wedding rings. I was poking holes in the rings and sticking my finger through to see what they looked like on. (I know I’m such a huge dork.) Anyway he came back out to see what I was dong and mostly to laugh at me. I was showing him different rings I like and pointing out everything but the style I had already picked out. I could tell I was pissing him off so I made sure to say but I really like the one I already showed you more. He decided to get into the fun and started checking out guys bands and then pointed to one and said what about this I wrinkled my nose and said no I like the one we looked out. He said how about this and again I said no. I wasn’t even paying attention to the fact that he was holding a real life ring right in front of my face saying how about this one. All the sudden it clicked. I stopped turned and looked at him. There he was the man I loved so much sweat on his head, heart beating so loud I think I could hear it, holding the worlds most perfect ring in his hands.