Sorry folks it’s going to be another long one. If you are human (chances are if you are reading this you are, however if I have aliens reading this then awesome) then more then likely you have had friends in your life who have come and gone. Gone though not due to death but for other reasons. Distance, fights, different viewpoints or just losing touch. I have been victim to all of these and even more. Sometimes though for whatever reasons those friends re enter your life. You are faced with a tough decision. Do I let them back in or not? A lot of times the answer is easy. Of course you do. Maybe you missed them or you never meant to lose touch to start. Other times though you ask yourself. Am I willing to let this person back in and possibly be hurt again? I am notorious for this. I’m the queen of giving second, third, fourth, and ninetieth chances. I had one friend who spent the duration of our friendship walking on me, abusing my trust and generosity, and destroying all other friendships I had. I won’t name names, if you know me you know who she is if you don’t you can write me privately and I will tell you. So about the time my son was born I realized I finally had someone else to look out for and I cut this girl out of my life. Recently a few friends have located me on Myspace and inquired about rekindling old friendships. Being Shannon I said OKAY. Everyone deserves another chance right? Well in one case I was majorly wrong. For the first time today I actually removed someone from my friend list. That’s right, I went in to edit, I clicked the little button next to their smiling picture and I pressed DELETE. Whoa I felt like such a big girl. Had I just done that? Had I stopped something before it got worse? No way man this can’t be me. You might be asking what it is this person did. (again I will let this person also remain nameless but I bet it isn’t hard to guess who she is either) I will try and make this short and sweet. Years ago and I mean years ago I met this guy who was visiting Reno. For years after we became pen pals and IM buddies. We would AOL jokes and thoughts and have endless conversations about nothing. Finally after a long time I got my license and I was free to drive to California and see my buddy. Keep in mind this was strictly platonic. Nothing going on just two old friends catching up. I took along deleted friend with me and we had a good first day of the trip. He took us shopping and around the town and showed us his college and so on. Then WHAMMO she sleeps with him. That’s right folks, deleted friend slept with a guy she barely knew who was my good friend. OUCH that hurt needed a band-aid for that one. Anywho it didn’t end there. She went on to secretly go back and visit him and keep up this little umm what’s the word, I would use Tryst but that is a meeting between lovers and these two were far from lovers. You get my point. Later she tells me while sitting on the step from her house to her garage that she had become pregnant with his baby. WHAT! WHAT! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS! We are in high school and you are pulling this shit. But wait it gets better. She then goes on to say that she got in the shower drank a bottle of vodka and conveniently miscarried right there in the shower. WOW how lucky to be right in the shower. When I reminded her of this story recently when she had the balls to bring this guy up to me she must have forgotten my razor sharp memory and suddenly claimed this happened freshman year of college and she drank before she knew she was pregnant and how depressing that could have been her only chance for a baby. Sorry dear. It happened in high school. You see I know this because I quit speaking to her after that and I know I never would have been at her house in college. Back to the point. She had the nerve to look up my friend who I still talk to on Myspace, who is married with a lovely child and write to him “can you believe we would have a 7 year old right now” ARE YOU SERIOUS. Is this girl for real? Immediately my friend writes and asks if it’s true. I informed him that I have never believed her and it was up to him to decide for himself. The next thing I know I receive a letter from his wife. Who by the way is a lovely girl and didn’t deserve this shit. She tells me thank you for respecting her family and keeping my chats with her husband friendly but what was up with my friend. BACK UP THERE SISTER. That girl is not my friend. I allowed her on Myspace to see if she was worth giving another chance and to see if she had grown at all. Ginger was right as usual the girl hadn’t. Now my friend and his lovely wife are in an uproar of this whole situation. I have the wife calling me to find out what really happened (nothing they fucked twice or something) and the poor girl is in shambles because my deleted ex friend can’t keep her mouth shut. What provokes a person to bring up something like that so many years later to a man who is married with a kid? She then followed up to the wife with a letter telling her to accept that her husband has a past with out her in it. HELLO wifes aren’t stupid we all know that everyone has a past but that doesn’t mean we need it thrown in our faces. I’m faced with a predicament now. Do I write deleted friend and explain how terrible I think her behavior was or do I just let it go and hope that my friend and his wife can get past the trauma this girl has cause. The saddest part is how sweet his wife is. She talked to me and said she knew who I was and she was totally fine with her husband and I chatting. The key is when I wrote him I respected the fact the he and I are both married with kids. Maybe if deleted friend could ever settle down in a real relationship she could learn to respect other peoples bonds and relationships. When I write my old friend we talk about our kids, the Giants, the Giants losing, we laughed about the TV show friends and so on. I didn’t write him and say hey remember the time we almost had a kid that I never told you about till now.
So the story goes. I let someone back in and I get clobbered. This time it’s going to need more then a Band-Aid to fix this one. Then another day I sign on Myspace and I see NEW FRIEND REQUESTS. I open it up and there staring at me is the last person I ever expected to request me. I left it sitting there for a long time. I would open it up once in a while, look at it and wonder do I check ACCEPT or DENY. Not sure what to do I left it sit for a while longer. Finally one day I message her and I ask why on earth would you try and add me. Turns out that like me she had graduated high school and left high school behind instead of dragging it on with her every where she went like above un named friends. So I did it I checked ACCEPT. We now have friendly conversations. I even confided in her about above jerk off who has been deleted and she responded with very adult and very helpful advice. I’m still extremely apprehensive as this person unknowingly caused me lots of pain in the past. However on my quest for self-improvement and growing I am trying to forget the past and continue exploring a friendship with her.
Now with these two very different experiences I’m left wondering…. Do I continue with second chances or should I shut down again? How do you stop yourself from being victim of something you should have known better in the first place?
To my friends wife. I hope you and he can move on and realize what an amazing thing you have together. I hope you live happily ever after and you and I can continue to explore our new friendship.
To the person who was delete. How could you? How could you do something so childish and disrespectful? I hope someday you find yourself in a place where you are happy enough in your own life you don’t’ need to try and destroy others. I hope that you realize that relationships are sacred and they can’t be broken because you want them to be. I hope you learn that some things are better kept to yourself.
To friend I accepted with apprehension. I hope that we can continue to leave the past in the past. I hope that we can move ahead and possibly become friends. I hope that you can resolve the issues you have with your own friends right now and be strong enough to know when to push delete. Remember no one should ever be walked on, taken advantage of or used as a personal punching bag because they can’t handle their own emotions.
To Emery. Thank you again for giving me the strength to not write deleted person and cuss them out and act like an ass. Thank you for giving me the strength even though you don’t even know you are doing it.
To Ginger. Thank you for trying to advise me not to be friends with this dumbass again. Maybe some day I’ll be smart enough to heed your advice.
I am sure I will receive a major backlash from deleted person for discussing this in my blog and openly saying I don’t believe that she had a miscarriage. If she did I am deeply sorry for her but there is a time and a place for everything and her time was up years ago on that issue.