Motherhood = Choose your own adventure

Do you remember those choose your own adventure books from elementary school? They were so cool. You got to the end of the chapter and you got to pick how you wanted the story to end by deciding which page to flip to. I’ve discovered taht is exactly how being a mom is. Every day is a choose your own adventure. There are a million ways my day could end each night. For instance. I’ve learned that getting my son out of the house and into the garage every morning has about 5 adventures alone. First I get him dressed then I grab his shoes and he immediatly takes off running. Do I A: Chase him and force his shoes on or B: Let him leave the house with out shoes? A always wins. So it begins around and around in circles we go till I finally capture him and hold his wiggling body down enough to get his shoes on. This same adventure occurs with his jacket. Then we leave and go into the wonderland known as the garage. He jumps of the bottom step and a new adventure begins this is known as running circles around my car while I try and catch him to get him in do I A: let him run around and around or B: head him of at the pass and force him into the car? Usually I let him get one lap in and thats it. But then it happens. The wagon catches his eye and zoooom he’s off to try and open the little door and crawl in, do I A: Drag him away and put him in the car or B: put him in the wagon and take him for a short walk? For the most part B wins if the weather is nice. So now we are off down the street then up the street then back in the garage to park the wagon till tomorrows escapades. So he is in the car and we are off and running. Other things are adventures. Take this morning. I needed a shower so I locked the bedroom door gave him his milk and put him in my bed to watch tellitubbies. This usually works well. So I’m in the shower and I’m close to being done I’m shaved and scrubbed just gotta do my hair. Every couple minutes I look out the door into the mirror that reflects on my bed and we share a smile. Uh Oh I see him lean over and reach for something. Its the notepad and pen on the side of my husbands nightstand. Double Oh no he’s pulled the lid off the pen. Do I A: Jump out of the shower run soaking across the carpeted bathroom floor into the room to grab the pen and leave him there screaming or B: hope and pray he gets bored and sets the pen down. I choose B and that was a mistake. I got out of the shower to find my sons hand completly covered in purple scribble along with his food and his eye. I venture farther and find purple pen scribbled on my sheets and all over the notepad along with half of his chocolate milk dumped onto the sheets. Now I’m rushing to pull the sheets off the bed smoosh them in the washer and get that going. Now its time to get the kid dressed which means chasing him through the kitchen and into his room. Do I A: Give up and crawl back into bed or B: give up and wait till I trick him to coming to me and shove the shirt over his head? B I sit and wait, and wait and wait. Finally I catch the little monkey and try try try to squeeze his giant head through the impossibly small neck hole on his shirt. Success. Now I just have to convince him to wear his jacket. The whole cycle begins again. Don’t even get me started on all the adventures we have each day at work. There was a nice little one today. He likes to come potty with mommy. So off we go to the potty I sit down to do my business and he opens his wipe warmer and starts pulling out each wipe. This is usual until he figures out “I can squeeze these and make water come out.” Now he is pulling out each wipe, squeezing the water on the floor and squeeling with delight. Do I A: Jump off the toilet and chase him with my pants around my ankles or B: stare helplessly. I choose B finish tinkling and rush to pull up my pants (folding my panty liner over in the process, that is going to hurt later to pull of) and start grabbing baby wipes and shoving them back in the warmer. He is one step ahead he runs to the first aid cabinet and grabs a box of bandaids and chucks it and then grabs a handful of tongue supressers and scatters them everywhere before I can even say Huh with a blank how does my son do this stare on my face. Looking back at the day (its only 9:41 AM) I”m thinking maybe I need to think harder about my choices when choosing my daily adventures. Woe is me. By the way later tonight I will be uploading pictures of my purple son.

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