I’m drivng to San Francisco right now and I had to write. I was on my new cell phone and was able to check my Myspace and I just received a message from Jenn. She’s a girl that I went to high school with and it is making me totally fucking nuts that my phone won’t let me write her back. I bring this up because she is reading my blog now (YAY ANOTHER READER WOOOO FINALLY) and she stumbled onto the post about Shanna. When I wrote that post or actually most of my posts I always hesitate to use real names. But then I realize that part of writing the blog is just to get my feelings out and be heard and part of it is really just to say sorry to so many people. It was so cathartic writing about Shanna and finally admitting to the whole world why I was the way I was in high school. I needed people to know that I didn’t mean to be horrible I just didn’t know any other way. One thing I knew was that by putting Shanna’s name on here was that the people I hurt would know I was talking to them and there were a lot of them.
It happened today. Jenn found my blog and she read about Shanna and she totally got it. She knew I was speaking to her (and thousands of others) when I said I was sorry. Honestly I think she let me off the hook way to easily and I am so thankful for that. Right at that moment I knew that putting Shanna’s name out there was the right thing to do. I didn’t do it to hurt Shanna I did it to speak personally to all of the people I was trying to apologize to. Should Shanna ever stumble across this blog I’m sure the shit will fly BUT SO FUCKING WHAT, No really SO! WHAT! what is she going to do? Yell at me and make people stop being my friend? Big fucking deal right? I’ve got my friends now, my real ones, the ones who won’t run because big bad Shanna SAID SO. Uggg how obnoxious that I spent my whole life being a fucking assfuck like her. I’m so glad I reached Jen. In fact I had scanned her page a few times on Myspace but was really afraid to write out of fear that she would hold me responsible for all the horrible things Shanna did to her. I’m so glad that I now get to push ADD FRIEND to another person I never thought I would be able to add. Yay for me right! Hell ya. Come on everyone and jumœp on the SHANNA SUCKS FOR BRINGING ME DOWN BANDWAGON, All aboard choochooo!! But really CHOOCHOO. Join the cool new clique*. The clique where being nice is fucking awesome. Where everyone is friends just for the shit of it. Stephanie jumped on, I think Jenn will too, whose next. Come on people and join the nice bus. Do that thing from that one Adam Sandler movie you know, where he calls and apologizes. DO. IT. Say sorry to someone even if its just your little brother, just say your sorry, let go and move on people. You will feel so much better.
REMEMBER: You have to lose sight of the shore to discover new oceans
AND: Each of us must withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.
*Disclaimer, clique members must not be afraid to say the following words, fuck, shit, ass, assfuck, fuckity fuck, fucker fuck and any other variation of the words shitfuckass. All clique members must also understand that most of my posts will contain all above listed words at least once in the blog and tough luck if you hate it. Isn’t it enough that I’m being nice? You can’t make me give up my favorite words too. Oh yeah I totally had to add FUCKITY to my spell check dictionary. Woooo!!!!