A landmark event

My

Son

Will

Finally

Drink

Plain

Milk!

This means no more getting out the chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla flavored milks every 20 minutes when he wants more milk. This means no more dumping chocolate and strawberry milk on my carpet (of course the white vanilla milk never gets dumped out because, its, white). This means no more covering my counter in grainy powder when I get up in the middle of the night to make Brandons milk at 3AM. Most of all this means I no longer feel like an asshole parent letting their kid survive on sugar flavored sugar milk! Thank! Gosh!

Noticing a change

In earlier blogs I mentioned how whenever I started a diet I would think about food 24 hours a day. I said that it wasn’t healthy that I always wanted to eat. So today when I began thinking of what to have for lunch I became frustrated with myself because it was so early. However then I looked at the clock and noticed it was actually 11:45. I was so impressed. I had managed to go nearly four hours without thinking about my next meal. It seems as though I have gotten myself on a schedule, which I think is something diet experts actually applaud. I eat breakfast at around 7:30 or 8:00 and have a snack around 10:00 at about noon I’m ready for lunch, with another snack following around 3:00. Then dinner falls right around 6:00 followed by some desert, which I guess is actually perfect because that way I’m not eating right before bed. I am truly proud of myself that I am learning to wean myself off of my food support system.

I’ve also noticed now that I’m paying attention to portions, that I really don’t need a giant serving to get full. What I find interesting is that I had drastically cut my portions last time I dieted and it was something I stuck with even after I fell off the wagon (with the exception of ice cream, those portions always seem to get bigger)! This time around though I’ve cut my portion even more and it seems to be working better. I’ve found that eating one thing for my meal instead of 4 small things works better. Like now, I’m having a bowl of homemade, vegetarian, gluten free bean stoup (stole the word from Rachael Ray) and its so much more satisfying then having, say some soup, some chips and a salad.

Another big advance in my diet is that I have done so well at resisting “tasting” things. Yesterday we went to Costco and I only tried two of the 15 samples. I had about 8 Jelly Belly’s, and about an ounce of some new fizzy energy drink. Here are the things I passed up:
*Buttermilk bread with butter
*White bread with jam
*Hamburgers
*Chicken nuggets
*Chocolate cake (it took every ounce of will power I had not to grab the bowl she was mixing and run away to a corner and suck the sticky mess down only to lick the bowl and walk away like nothing happened)
*Raviolis
*Pita chips with salsa
*Something at the end of the desert isle that I refused to go look at
*Mini Quesidillas
*Dried mango (okay I took one bite but only because I was so intrigued at the oddness of it)
and so on. Also please note, this was extra hard because bread is my favorite thing in the world and trying to be disciplined with not eating gluten is causing my hair to gray)

I was so very proud of myself considering I usually make two or three rounds to make sure I get a few samples of all of the things I love. Today I did not taste the new swirly Cheeto’s I got for Brandon. I did not put cheese on my Mexican style stoup because I knew it was so spicy I probably wouldn’t be able to taste the cheese anyway. I did not finish Brandon’s half eaten yogurt telling myself it was okay because it was yogurt (I totally licked my fingers though, but I will be sure to document that .0184 calories in my journal). I did not eat the fried breakfast potatoes I made for my husband this morning (I tasted one half inch sliver for taste and I don’t count that either since I usually make myself a whole plate full). I did not eat the mayo covered bun pieces my husband left behind at dinner last night (even though those are the best bites of the whole burger since there is no meat on them).

I’m making progress here. I bet ya’ll are reading this stuff and laughing at me because you are all the worlds most healthy people who don’t steal Cheetos off their sons plate, or secretly drink half of their chocolate milk, telling yourself your only doing it because they would spill if they had a full cup. I’m positive I’m the only one who hovers around the shrimp section at Costco waiting for the lady to just put the damn fresh baked cookies out. I know I’m being laughed at because I can’t imagine that there are more then a handful of people out there who have as little will power as me. It’s fine though. I’m used to people thinking I’m odd.

I guess I hope that my new good habits will rub off on at least one person and little buy little my generation can stop being made fun of because we are some kind of fat slobs the world has never seen before.

However all of my portion controlling and calorie counting has one good side effect. At the end of the day, when I have a few extra calories laying around, I don’t feel bad about increasing the portion size of my nightly bowl of slow churned half calorie ice cream. Its nice to know now on bad days, I can rearrange my meals to make sure I have that sweet, melty goodness at the end of the day. Because really, if I couldn’t have my ice cream, I would probably just shrivel up and die. And really who cares if is below freezing in my house, and I have to wear a hat and mittens just to eat my ice cream. Hat hair is totally worth it.

Oh shit….The next American Idol is living in my house

Sooooooooo. We are watching American Idol on Tivo right now. This shit is cracking me up.

First of all the guy who thinks he is AT LEAST as good as Freddie from Queen! Thank you, I haven’t pissed in my pants laughing lately.

One of my favorites though was the girl who said her husband told her she was wasting her time. Now that is awesome if you ask me. The closest person to you tells you that you sound like an ass and you keep going.

Also, do they purposely not put a sign on the left door that says OTHER DOOR. I mean do they do it just for one last laugh as they humiliate the people more by watching them smack into the door.

I also love when Simon says “I’m not being rude but…” Gosh I would love to hear him be rude.

Anyway Brandon has been watching with us and it has made him start singing along. I wish I had a better video camera so I could capture the the laaaaaa ooooooooo ahhhhhhhhh my son has been singing. I must say, not being bias at all, that I think Brnadon is far better then almost everyone on this show.

In other news my house was clean yesterday for 8 hours. Know why? My son was over at grandma and papa’s for 8 hours. Within 35 minutes of being home, every block my son owned was scattered about.

Yesterday Rob and I got to spend a bunch of time together. We went to Costco, the Asian Supermarket and Wal-Mart. I thought Rob was going to crumple up and die from having to go to three groceries stores with me. BUT! He didn’t! He begrudgingly came along, whining the whole way. At Wal-Mart he tried to wander of the the electronics isle but I vetoed that instantly because I knew if I did that I would not have been allowed to leave the store with less then $5,908,983.88 in electronics.

Although he just got a whole new stereo system put in his car, including, subs, amps, speakers, decks, EQ’s and so on. He somehow feels like there might be something left that he doesn’t have. To be honest with myself he wouldn’t have actually purchased anything for HIS car from Wal-Mart because he is as big of an electronic brand name whore as I am about purses, he still would have gotten ideas. My husbands ideas kill me. I don’t know how to say no. I often find myself making deals with him that in the end, never seem to favor me. For instance:

“Yes dear, you can buy a fourth gun BUTONLY if you promise not to ask me about buying a fifth gun for an entire year.”

I thought I was clever. Now though I watch him click click clicking away on his computer and I’m terrified he is looking at guns, and since I’m not there to shoot it down or tell him he can’t spend that much, I fear he is over there looking at the biggest whopper all inclusive bad mamajama gun you ever did see. Dammit. This is my own fault. If he can’t mention it I can’ turn it down.

This Christmas after I gave in and let him buy not only his deck but his other four truck accessories, he swore he was done buying stuff for his truck. In fact he was so done, that he only needed new rims (to replace his that are 4 months old), to lower his truck, a new grill, some head lights, to match the tail lights he needs, a black Chevy logo, some winter wheels, a new paint job (because 2 years is far to old for paint), and some new door handles (because aren’t Cool enough). Thats it. Then he will really for reals maybe almost possibly be done.

Just typing all of that makes me want to curl up in a ball because I’m the worlds worst at saying NO. Want an example of how bad I am? When I met my husband he had a brand new Grand Prix. He got bored with that and decided he wanted a tahoe. OOOkay we went down and bought the tahoe, and since we couldn’t sell the Grand Prix we kept it and had three cars. But then he decided he wanted a truck about six months later. Soooooo we took his two cars and traded them in on a new truck. Yes we now had three cars rolled into one car payment. But wait theres more. He got sad and decided he wanted his tahoe back. Before I knew it he had a 2005 Tahoe sitting in my driveway with four cars rolled into one payment and a payment that if I mentioned would probably cause people to drag me outside and publicly tar and feather me. I will give you a hint though, its more then half of my house payment AND my house payment is more then a grand!

Where was I going with this post? Hmmm I think no where. All I know is now that I have a kid, plus a 28 year old kid and we are talking about having another kid, I think I might need someone drown me before I drown in trinkets for my boys. And seriously people if I have a girl, no, I don’t even want to think about how bad that could be for me. Because I’m the most pinky pink frilly la la momma you have ever seen.

Soooo where I was going with this is that my son needs to hurry up and win American Idol so he can get rich and support him and his fathers trinket habit. I wouldn’t complain if he tossed a Coach purse my way every now and then.

Rob’s on his computer now, (yes his very own black apple lap top that cost more just because it was black, that he had to have , because he couldn’t actually use my girly white laptop with the pink flower, and please, baby please, I won’t bother you about wheels for 48 hours if you buy this for me to match my brand new black ipod that cost more money just because its black please baby please) and this is scaring me because I have a feeling he is on there searching for something black and shiny and expensive to bug me about. I’m just waiting for it. That look and the BABY with the stupid grin. So I say OH SHIT. I don’t know what to do with myself.

*Side note, what the fuck is up with Apple charging a premium to own stuff in black. Just because I wanted the black Ipod I had to spend double, almost triple the amount as I would have spent on any other fucking color. Fucking Apple, its people like you who make my husbands heart beat fast with desire for trinkets to match his fucking black Tahoe. License plates BLKTOUT! Ugggggggggg someone shoot me now.

**Side note two. Sorry if this was the worlds worst post ever. I don’t have a damn clue what I wanted to write. I blame this on the fact that I’ve only had a half of a cup of coffee and I need about 34 more cups until I’m sort of coherent.

on the HEAVIER side of things

Today is day 18 of my dreaded diet and day two of my period. I can’t tell you if I’ve made progress because I still haven’t weighed myself. I can’t remember if I told you but I’m not weighing myself again until February 1st. This is driving me bonkers. I used to weigh myself every time I peed. And people, I PEE A LOT!

I think I’m at the stage now where I need to learn to stop thinking of food every single minute and only think about it when I’m hungry. I feel like an alcoholic who is reaching out for a sponsor. But as you know, you can’t have just any ole person be a sponsor. You need someone who has been through it, or even who is going through it. Right now there seems to be a shortage of people who want to take dieting as serious as me. So when those times come where I want to eat just to eat and I need to call someone so they can say that exact right time, I am stuck.

You know, this is the first time I’ve started a diet for reasons other then weight loss and vanity. I won’t lie and say losing the pounds and a smaller jean size wouldn’t be nice. The biggest reason though is my son and my future kids. The last thing I want to do is pass my weight issues down to my kids like my mom did to me and her mom did to her. Even if my mom never said a word to me about my diet, I would still have known what it was because SHE WAS ALWAYS ON SOME KIND OF DIET. I watched an episode of Oprah recently (yes I love her, I want to marry her, I Tivo her and I reference her allll the time, so shush) and she talked to moms and their kids. There were a couple kids on the show who were about 4 and they thought they were fat. This one little girl thought fat people were ugly. Then there was this beautiful girl in high school who must have been about a size two and she was obsessed with her weight. Both moms said they really didn’t understand why because they spent everyday telling their kids how beautiful they were. BOTH girls said the same thing. They said that everyday they saw their moms in the mirror talking to themselves about being fat, and looking at their ass, and counting calories and stocking up on Lean Cuisines while serving the rest of the family regular food, and they just figured it out themselves. Without even intending to these women had passed their issues on to their kids. It smacked me right in the face that day. I was those women. I was going to be that mom who passed her issues to her kids. Hell I’ve already passed them on to my husband and he never weighs more then 170. Even boys have body issues so I do have to worry about this even though right now I only have a son.

I realize that I need to take this seriously NOW so that when he is older I’m not trying to do it in front of him. My goal is to just make eating healthy seem normal that my kids never know otherwise. There are so many things that come with this task. Like learning to eat three meals a day or learning not to snack because it is the weekend. The biggest one is trying to learn not to turn to food when I’m upset. I keep telling myself that this blog is a way of healing myself and learning to be who I really want to be but I have to accept the fact that finally dealing with my weight issues is probably the biggest change I can make. That is the biggest reason I don’t want to step on the scale. I don’t want this whole thing to be based on numbers. I want it to be based on how I feel. I want to do it whether I like what I see on the scale or not. I want to learn how to be full from a normal serving instead of telling myself I can eat more today because I lost a few pounds. I don’t want to starve myself because I don’t see the scale moving. Eventually I would like to learn to be one of those people who doesn’t weigh themselves unless they go to the doctor.

I think skinny people take being skinny for granted. Its all they know and they don’t realize how hard it can be for some people. It drives me crazy when my friend who wears a double zero complains that she needs to go to the gym because she is really getting out of shape. I look at her and I’m just baffled. Or when she refers to her size 1 jeans as her fat pants. I just stare dumbfounded. Sometimes I don’t think people realize what they are saying. Its almost as though they they are so absorbed by their extra 2.5 pounds that they don’t realize that sometimes they are really hurting their friends. A lot of my friends used to try and sabotage me. They would encourage me to eat bad. Say things like “O come on you can’t come to Olive Garden and not have breadsticks.” Actually I can. It is quite easy. So today when a friend of mine talked about losing weight instead of telling her she didn’t need to I was positive about it. I asked her reasons and encouraged her to do what would make her happy and made suggestions on how to do it in a fun and positive way. I didn’t say things like, Why you don’t need to lose weight, or suggest fad diets. I just talked to her for reals about it. I would like to think my suggestions helped her. But, even if they didn’t they helped me because I know that I must be healing to have even responded the way I did. And for me, that is good enough.

Some of this must seem so drastic or odd to a lot of you but for me its necessary. Having issues with food is just as bad as having an addiction to alcohol or drugs, trust me I’ve had a problem with both. I still do. My cousin suggested I take up an activity as something to take my mind off eating. Only problem is all the good ones would seem like an even better activity for my son, i.e. me knitting, Brandon destroying my ball of yarn. I’ll figure something out though. Hopefully I can keep up my good work and continue watching what I eat and making positive changes.

Smart little sucker

You know, I don’t know how kids get to be so smart. This morning right in front of me my son pulled out the bottom drawer in my bathroom and used it to stand on so he could reach the counter. I have no clue where he learned this. I have been so careful not to do that in case he was watching.

Yesterday I couldn’t figure out why there was paper all over the main room of my work. Then I walked out there and saw why. My son had pushed his power wheels four wheeler over next to the copy machine. He would climb up on top of it, push the copy button, jump off and run over and grab the sheet of paper. Then he would throw it on the floor and run back over to his quad. I was stunned. How on earth did he know exactly what button to push? So we unplugged the copier and the little stinker walked over and pushed the button that pops open the entire machine because he knew it was broken.

He knows exactly what button ejects the DVD’s, which button turns on his Superman TV, which button starts the dishwasher (even when its empty), which drawer holds the gum and which switch turns on what lights.

HOW DOES HE KNOW ALL OF THIS?

I just don’t get it! I mean yeah he is getting older, but really, it just takes my breath away when he does things. Now he is repeating words. Today he has repeated the following: Hey, No, Go, and another one I can’t remember. He also learned how to pucker his lips, so when he is doing something wrong before you reach him to say NO he is ready and waiting all puckered up. How do you tell a child NO when he is trying to give you a kiss. Last night he kept saying I know, instead of I don’t know every time I asked where his milk was. How does he know that?

He knows how to sit down and give me each foot for shoes and socks, and tries to zip his zipper after I put on his jacket.

My little boy is so big. Sniff sniff. To bad he doesn’t know how to lay down and take a nap when he is tired.

Things my son will eat

* String cheese (only if cut into half inch circles)

* Tyson chicken bites

* NutraGrain bars (only strawberry, must! be in the wrapper still)

* Baby oatmeal (only on days he feels like it)

* Yogurt (only Yoplait, only Peach, must be served in a bowl with small spoon, must be allowed to feed himself)

* Anything chocolate

* Cheetos (Only while watching a movie)

* White rice (not allowed on plate or in bowl must be placed directly on high chair table thingy)

* Popcicles (duh, frozen sugar, HELL YA)

* Toast (only whole wheat or sour dough, only with margerine)

* Bananas (only in the grocery store cart)

* Grown up oatmeal (only when you have two bites left and really really want those two bites)

* Organic spaghetti stars (only every three days, IF! he feels like it)

* Potato chips (only in the store when everyone is looking at your child with the open bag of salty, nasty, unhealthy, FRIED potato chips and judging you)

* Quesadillas (only when mom remembers to make them)

* Gogurt (only if it is squeezed out of the package into a bowl)

* Milk (only if it is chocolate, strawberry or vanilla)

* Cheerios (only fruit flavor and only in a bag

*ANYTHING! OFF! THE! FLOOR ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

* Really! Anything. EVEN cat litter!

* YES! cat litter

Ickyness

Sunday night started out rough. Brandon woke up screaming his head off and shaking from the second molar I just learned at that second was coming in. Finally after 3 doses of oragel and a dose of Motrin he went to bed. Approximately 2 hours later I woke up feeling like I needed to vomit. I laid there and suffered until three when I finally got up and puked. I felt better and got into bed. That morning when I sat up I felt like vomiting again. It became clear that any type of moving made me want to puke. Turns out I had food poisoning. It was terrible. My parents had to come get Brandon and take him with them to work today because in the one hour I was left alone with him the following happened:

Grabbed his little stool and got into kitchen junk drawer. Removed two pairs of scissors and entire rest of drawer and threw it on the floor.

Took stool into bathroom and got toothpaste out of my medicine cabinet.

Took stool into his bedroom and got into all of his diaper changing stuff and began playing with his RECTAL thermometer. Shoved it in his pocket (down his shirt) to play with later.

Pulled everything off his bed and out of his toy chest. Smashed family heirloom piano to smithereens, and destroyed bedroom.

Removed all cords from hiding places and threw into the bath tub, also in the bath tub went, two belts, a cup, a shirt and some toys.

Threw about 8 blocks, a grocery card and a foam block into kitchen sink.

Emptied out his dads night stand and cleared off the top of mine.

Sooooo needless to say I was in no shape to watch him and had to call for help. After spending the whole day doing Cartwheels (if you don’t know I won’t tell you) I finally passed out at around 7PM. This morning I woke up only to find my son digging around in the cat litter box.

WOE IS ME!

So very thankful

Okay moms I finally found something my son will eat. Granted he still won’t eat more then two but still he is at least eating something. They seem good and likes them and they are just the right size for his mouth. So moms if you are looking for something new to try run right out and grab these. Plus 3 of em heat up in only about 20 seconds. 20 SECONDS !! Have you ever made a meal that fast? I think not. Brandon gives them two tiny thumbs up. They aren’t even all that greasy for a microwavable chicken product. Brandon likes to eat his with a lovely glass of chocolate milk. We find the chocolate compliments the chicken very nicely. These can also be served with a delightful side of string cheese circles (string cheese cut into half inch circle pieces) !

*Disclaimer: I accept no responsibility for any small petrified chicken pieces and fossilized cheese parts you may find hiding under your couches, tables, sheets, in your shoes, ect.

Times I’ve lost my mind today 343,069

Times my sons left Converse shoe came untied: 5

Times my employee screwed up today: 7

Times my phone at work rang today: 48,359

Times the phone rang right when my ass cheeks hit the toilet2:

Times I had to go to the bathroom: 5

Times I went to the bathroom: 2

Times my son climbed my chair, jumped off the back over my head and fell on the floor: 3

Times my son ran away from me because I wanted to change his diaper: 3

Times I thought my sanity had been pushed as far as it could go: 78

Times I thought about hanging up on the customer who said rude things to me: 5

Today at work was awful. My day started with an emergency no heat oil call. I asked the guy 43 times if he was sure they had oil in their tank. He informed me that they did because the oil people had just been there tuesday. I called the guy to tell him I was going to his house and was informed I couldn’t come for another two hours. Finally get there and find out that indeed there was not oil in the tank and again they had sucked sludge up into the shiny new furnace we installed. Customer called oil company and found out that they could not confirm or deny if they had taken oil to his house because their resident rocket scientist wasn’t there and couldn’t figure out how to input his name into the computer. It then took an employee 48 minutes to get from Northwest Reno to Southwest Reno. Let me inform you, it does not take more then 15 minutes to get ANYWHERE IN RENO!!!! Then somehow it took the dumbshit another hour to get back to work at the end of the day. I hate dumbshit employees!