Maybe you can try being honest with the world for once

One of my biggest conflicts with mother hood is the fact that in real life I seem to be the only one struggling with it. Aside from my blogger friends (because really we are all here just to be honest) it seems like all of my real friends find parenting to be a breeze. I have a lot of friends with out kids, and so many of them don’t quite seem to understand why I’m always tired, or frazzled, or unshowered, or my socks don’t match. Its as though they just think it is ME who can’t handle this job. I only have three actual friends with kids. One of them basically makes parenting seem over hard, but since she has been doing it longer, she talks down to me like I am a complete dummy who just doesn’t get it. The second one. Oh my. When I told her (way way back when) that I was really really struggling with the idea of having a second child she responded, “I don’t find parenting to be hard at all, I can’t imagine I would have any problem having two!” I shit you not she said that. She left me the questioning myself for the longest time. I began wondering if I was really the only one who didn’t find this all to be so simple.

But finally. I remembered my other friend. Emily. She has a habit for being brutally honest. The good kind of honest, that sometimes you just need to hear. So I finally wrote her and told her how, basically, I am freaking out about having a second child. Her response,

“I’d be lying if I told you it were easy, it’s gonna be tough, but it’s so worth it”

WHAT!!!!

Some one actually spoke the truth. I was so impressed and touched that she didn’t try and sugar coat it. I feel like I’m surrounded by people who think making themselves seem like heros is the best plan of action. I imagine these girls, who sit there telling me how wonderful and simply parenting is, locking themselves in their rooms at night and crying themselves to sleep. It is as though they equate parenting to, I don’t know, eating chocolate.

I think parents (as in our parents) are so guilty of this also. I feel like since they haven’t parented in so long they forget about the sleepless nights, and the teething, and the temper tantrums.

I also think that so many people are afraid of looking bad so they lie to themselves. I have friends with some pretty rotten kids, and all they do is tell me how awful my son is, and how great their own child is. When my son has a temper tantrum, AS DO ALL CHILDREN, they tell me, that can’t imagine raising a child like mine. I have to laugh. It takes all my might to not say, WAIT, DID YOU FORGET, YOUR OWN CHILD WAS LAYING ON THE FLOOR OF THE SUPERMARKET KICKING AND SCREAMING LAST WEEK, AND YOU JUDGE ME????” I am flabergasted as they sit there pretending their child isn’t a monster like all the other kids out there. That is what kids do. They throw fits, they hit, they bite, they scream, THEY ACT LIKE KIDS.

I am even more appalled that people would still speak so negatively knowing I am pregnant right now. Knowing I’m scared shitless. They have the nerve to see my son do something bad and then reply, “and your going to have two.” Thanks for that. Thanks for making me feel better then I did five minutes ago. Or when they lie to me, and tell me how great parenting is, I sit here freaking out because I’m about to have two and I’m the only one who can’t handle one. I hate it. Hate hate hate it.

I have found it so amusing as my friends with out kids have started spending more time with me, that they are starting to understand, that I’m not lying when I say, this shit is hard. I put my son on web cam one morning for a friend of mine to see. After about an hour I think I had pretty much scared her off the idea of having kids forever. However, by being honest and admitting to my friends that parenting is hard it accomplishes two things.

1. It makes them finally give me the respect I deserve.

2. I prepares them for parenting, so they don’t enter into it jaided in the fact that the rest of the world thinks its easy, so why don’t they.

I guess, from now on, if your just going to lie, to make you look better, then keep it to yourself. We all know you are lying. Some of us are just better and nice people rather then to call you out and tell you what a shit ass job you are doing, like you choose to tell me every day.

*A note, to my mommy bloggers. This post was in no way addressed to you. This post was more addressed to a lot of the real people in my life. This also isn’t a knock to ALL of my friends at all, just to a lot of the people who lately have felt like they need to point out what a shit ass job I’m doing.

5 thoughts on “Maybe you can try being honest with the world for once

  1. Damn, someone or a few people must have really pissed you off. I hope that I didn\’t fall into that category. I know that parenting isn\’t easy. I have seen it with my family raising all my cousins who are many years younger than me and from my friends that have kids…you included. Parenting looks like it is super hard, but is very rewarding. You are doing an excellent job. I really try to tell you that often because I know that you need to hear it. And you will be ok with a second baby. No, it isn\’t going to be a cake walk, but you will do it and you will be great at it.On the being tired all the time subject. I should have said something Saturday when we were sitting at lunch and I thought of it. But as we were sitting there I was thinking to myself how tired I was just because I got up early to go to the gym. And then I looked at you across the table from me, full of life and energy and I about died. I know how early you get up with Brandon every day and yet you still always have a smile on your face and are bouncing off the wall when you see dessert coming your way. It was then that I realized I wanted to be like that. I want to be tired on the inside, but glow on the outside. You need to give yourself more credit dear. People are very good at pointing the finger at other people but it is simply because they don\’t want people looking at themselves. They want to portray themselves as something they want other people to view them as rather than what they really are.You are amazing. Brandon is a sweetheart and super cute. You have done an excellent job with him so far. Don\’t take other peoples words to heart. You know the truth and your close friends know as well. Even the people that are being negative know and are just jealous.

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  2. Hi! Ok, I hope this makes you feel better, but a couple of months ago I was talking to my mom about some naughty thing that Brandon did and you were asking whether or not you should put him in time-out for it. I asked her, completely out of curiosity and because I cannot remember being Brandon\’s age: \”Is this normal?\” and my mom asked how old he was and I said \”17 months.\” That\’s when she said \”Oh yes, that is completely normal. You were WORSE!! But turned out to be a very well behaved child once you grew out of toddlerhood.\”So there. I was a mess-making TYRANT that was into EVERYTHING, my sister bit and scratched other children and my parents, she colored on the walls, threw sand in people\’s faces, and pooped in the bathtub. (I obviously have a much better memory of my SISTER being Brandon\’s age) But she turned out to be fine as well. There were times when my mom was going crazy and would put us in time out and even run after us as if she was going to beat the living hell out of us (which never happened, not even once)…But eventually we all grow up, and as long as you are always there for Brandon and continue to take the same care of him and your new baby as you are now, then everything is A-OK! And then you can laugh in my face someday when your kids are all big and behaved and my kinds are Brandon\’s age and beating the crap out of me!: )

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  3. I have been reading your blog for some time and thought that I would chime in. Our sons are about the same age and I have another one..girl one year younger. I found that the second one was easier than the first because well it was my second time. However my stressometer was affected. In the begining it is an adjustment just like your first. Your routines and everything have to be figured out again but once you figure it out you are not doing double the work, you are doing more than one but you have already been there and as they get older together you just do a little more of everything for the second. My oldest kicks and screams and makes scenes all the time and we have just recently started to put him in \”time out\” in his crib (we have to use the crib bc the corner cant hold him until he is done with the tantrum:), as soon as he calms down we go in and ask him if he is going to be sweet and when he says \”okay\” we get him out. Anyways my sister has a kid who is like 6 months and when she sees my kid do that she gives me the same crap…\”oh you are gonna have trouble\”. And my thought is \”just you wait\”. Parenting sucks sometimes and there have been several times when I have woken up in the morning and said \”Can I take the day off?\” (I stay at home). All you can do is what you know is best…and sometimes that is not what your child wants and sometimes it is conjuring up the extra energy to read the book before bed even though you just want to sleep.About the showering, I am sitting here in sweats that have spit up and cookie all over them. I have worked out yesterday and today and have not taken a shower since Tuesday…you are not the only one. My couches…and carpet match my clothes:)Hope this brings you some encouragement. Remember if people are beign fake that it is because they are trying to be something they cant.

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  4. I try to be honest about parenting all the time. But I also parent differently than the mainstream parents so sometimes, because I approach things differently it is easier (and other times it is way harder).I did not get tired all the time with Becca when she was a newborn because I nursed her on demand and slept with her if I needed extra sleep. I wear my kids. Becca was in a carrier with me until I was pregnant last summer (I have a carry one kid limit at the moment). Keeping my baby close to me has always made my life easier and my kid more content. I plan on wearing Ethan too.It is scary the thought of having another baby. I go through a full range of emotions on it. And I have since day one. I have found peace in the last few weeks, knowing he will be arriving soon.Parenting is a hard gig! Really hard. But the fact that you CARE makes you a wicked cool parent. You are going to rock being the mom of two kids …

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  5. Funny thing. I always think of Brandon as a good kid. I was just telling my mom what a good kid he is. huh? funnyKatie

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