That did not just happen and when will I learn

When will I learn not to let Brandon run around before a shower with out his diaper.

First he was standing by the front door looking outside and he pooped twice

then he ran to me and he pooped once,

sooooo being a genius I picked him up and tried to run him outside and he pooped midrun,

WHICH! I stepped in, causing poop to squish out the top of my toes.

I think I finally discovered my first craving

BANANA! Me craving banana is like most women craving pickles. Its odd for them. You see, I will tolerate a normal banana sometimes, when I’m feeling healthy but that is about it. With the exception of runts and laffy taffy I don’t like anything banana “flavored”. I don’t like banana breads, hate banana in smoothies and can’t stand banana in juices. Strawberry orange banana, puuuulease. Eww. That is why it strikes me odd that I have been craving chocolate banana milkshakes (I prefer vanilla shakes with chocolate syrup or vanilla shakes with chocolate syrup and peanut butter.) I find it even more odd that I suddenly enjoy banana scones and possibly think I might even like a slice of banana bread. I find it amusing that I am craving something I usually would rather not have. I have been enjoying yogurt with banana flavor and banana flavor juice and so on. It is all so odd. So, I guess I finally discovered my first real/odd craving!

Jobby job job

This is going to be one of those rambling kind of posts that sort of goes no where, but really for reals there is a point that I sort of want to make somewhere in here, I think, huh what was I saying? Hmmm!

I’ve been reading Gingers blogs lately because, well, I like to sit at home and make out with my lap top you know instead of teaching my kid important stuff like spanish and color coordinating his shoes to his onsie. Anyhoo she writes a lot about her job, the life she wishes she could leave and being a powerful corporate woman. Which, first of all Ginger could totally rock corporate bitch bossy woman because she totally has the shoe closet for that! She got me thinking about jobs though. I realized that both my cousin and I have kind of lucked out on our jobs. For the most part we both enjoy coming to work. We can take our lunches basically whenever we want. If she has to she can bring her daughter in for a few hours. We both get off early on fridays. We both always have food around or someone to bring us food, and its good food, donuts, muffins, pizza, beer, you name it we can have it. There is always some fun juicy gossip to keep us laughing and realizing how much better our life is at that moment. Not to mention Lisa’s work is always looking for a reason to get drunk, no, really, ground hog day, maple syrup day, Tuesday, yesterday, what ever it is they find a reason for a party and a bbq. My work, well, I am pretty sure my employees all have an intravenous tube in them feeding them beer, so its a party here also.

The flip side is, neither of our jobs are the kind that will find us being corporate high powered anything. We aren’t required to dress pretty, hell today I’m wearing sweats, a tank top and four inches of arm pit hair. So for a split second I got to thinking, hmmm would I ever want that? Both Ginger and Katie have these jobs that can lead to future BIG jobs. Shit, Katie is already bossing around people 10 years her senior, just because she did that whole “graduate from college thing!” Wait, so did Ginger. I’m sensing a theme here. Whatever smarty Mcsmarties! I thought of how fun that would be to walk around in pointy high heals and fabulous slacks and what not. Then I though about how much I love being with my son. I suddenly realized in this day in age it is almost an either or situation. I know a lot of people have fancy jobs and kids, but I’m willing to bet they can’t just drop everything for a day at the park because it is sunny out. Or they can’t make every soccer game or school play. I thought about that and I realized that I would have totally beat my moms ass if she missed my stuff. I know, that if I was raised that way from day one it would be normal, but I would never want my son to live that sort of normal.

I gave this a lot of thought and I realized, I may never have a shit ton of money but I will be available to give my kid soooo much love he won’t even miss all the money, besides, isn’t that what grandparents are for? I think a part of me knew when I was going to college that I didn’t really want to be there. I finally realized that while on paper I might look fabulous because I had some super degree, there is a huge difference between paper and real life. There is this guy in Reno, he owns the company where my husband works. He is never home. Monday-Sunday he is at work. He has three sons and I honestly feel bad for them and especially his poor wife. I look at my own parents. They make great money, but I can’t remember the last time they stopped and took time for them. Wait yes I can, almost four years ago when they went to Hawaii, which was the first trip they took in ten years. I thought, damn that sucks. I only got to go to Disneyland once in my life because my parents where to busy. Hmmm, that sucks. I realize now, that maybe I won’t be able to stay in the best hotels or buy the fanciest suveniers but for the most part, I can take off any weekend I want with my kids and go anywhere. And, really I can take off any week I want and go dick around in Hawaii, or Disneyland, or Yosemite or anything. I realize now, in the long run I would much rather have this amazing rich family life then a rich bank account. I want to see every single baseball game or soccer game or ballet recitals or whatever.

Now on the flip side I would never be a stay at home mom either. No offense to stay at home moms, but really I would get bored. I couldn’t even stay at home for two weeks on maternity leave before I found myself coming to work, going to the mall, coming to work and so on. I can’t be bored. I am not one of those people who can spend a whole day doing nothing. I have to do something. Go to the store, the carwash, the park the mall, the gas station. ANYTHING! Also, I don’t ever want my son to have some sort of scewed image that women are supposed to stay home. My entire life I will never forget this kid I went to school with my whole life (Ginger he is the guy you made out with at my party at the hilton….you know who I’m talking about). Anyway I can remember all the way back to freaking 4th grade when EVERY DAMN DAY he had fresh fucking baked cookies in his lunch. I was always amazed and he said, well my mom better do that, that is what women do, they stay home and cook my food and do my laundry. I’m ashamed to admit I later dated this guy, but don’t worry I totally cheated on him too! I look at my friend who stays home and is already having trouble with her son. He won’t do chores because she can do them. Once he even sat on the couch and said no mom you can do it I don’t feel like it. Sooo, since she had no choice she did it. I don’t care how much you say your son won’t turn out like that, I almost don’t know how you can avoid it. I also want my daughter (if I have one) to know that she can totally go get a job and not be tied down to some man ever.

I guess in the end, there really is no part of me that wants to strive for more in the work related area. I am so happy knowing that first I’m a mom then I’m an employee. However, even if you do decide to go corporate…really people FIND A JOB THAT SERVES YOU BEER AT YOUR DESK…DUH!

Amy got out easy

I read this post by Amy. I laughed at her. Then today, I got a chance to go to Walmart toddler free. This meant I could put stuff in my cart with out having it thrown back at me. Here is my list:
2 Loaves bread
Changing table pad and cover
Coffee
Butter
Milk
Tomatoes
Onions

Here is what I left with.
Tomatoes
Onions
Milk
Butter
Bread
5 pack onsies
4 pairs baby shorts
Bathing suit
Bathing suit skirt
Bathing suit shorts
Crib sheet
String Cheese
Chips
Bean dip
Shoe laces
Pens
A toddler recliner chair
6 bags coffee (raspberry, chocolate, kaluah)
Coffee creamer
No changing table pad or cover
Baby wipes
Sippy cups
Total $250.00

Because Walmart didn’t have a changing table cover I had to go to Babies R Us. All I wanted was a pad and two covers. THATS IT! I left with:
1 Changing pad
2 covers
Bath measuring scoop cups
Bath finger paint/bubble bath
Baby face lotion
Giants outfit
Tiny sandals
Snack cups
5 containers of Gerber finger snack thingies
Training tooth brush and toothpaste
Floor cover for under high chair
Total $125.00

Amy I win….I got screwed!

Stupid stupid stupid little girl

Here is the exchange that took place between my hubby and I last night:

Hubby: So what bothered you so much about seeing your ex at that last game
Shannon: He winked at me
Hubby: So
Shannon: Soooo, he knows that winking is special to me we used to wink in public to say I love you
Hubby: REALLY
Shannon: shit
**Enter stage left Giant fan, enter stage right Big pile of shit…begin scene titled SHIT HITTING THE FAN

Hubby: Soooo, the thing we do in public to say I love you is the thing you used to do with another guy
Shannon: Ummmmmm
Hubby: Wow
Shannon: Ummmm Well I forgot we did that until I saw him again
Hubby: Bullshit shannon you remember what color the first pair of underwear you owned where, you didn’t forget
Shannon: Shit
Hubby: This is funny, you know we aren’t doing that anymore right
Shannon: But…why, its sweet
Hubby: Oh okay dear, I used to totally bring rocks to all my ex girlfriends, hope you don’t mind that I do it with you now
Shannon: Ummm I wouldn’t care
Hubby: Bullshit you would throw all the rocks I brought you away and you know it
Shannon: So if I wink at you now what are you going to do
Hubby: Ask if you need some eye drops
Shannon: Gee, thats not nice
Hubby: Whatever, you sooo don’t get to make me feel bad for this
Shannon: But, I forgot
Hubby: Liar
Shannon: I know
Hubby: This is one of the most awesome moments for me, I love when you fuck up
Shannon: Yeah, this was one of those times I was supposed to think before I speak

I’m stupid!

frienships

For most of you who read this and actually know me, you know I only have three close friends. Yes only three, Ginger, Katie and my cousin Lisa. That is it. They’ve been with me for what feels like eternity and they are the only people who I actually tell anything and everything to. I mean everything, not just love things, or heart break, but the odd stuff too. My cousin is the only person I’ve ever discussed pregnancy/bowl related issues with. Ginger is probably the only person I can really talk food with. Katie, is the only person I can talk to about how inadequate I feel, and also…I mean we rolled in cow shit together, Katie earns a free pass as a friend for life with that!

That post on Stephs page, that last rambling one about Myspace, that was about me. Yeah yeah whatever. I told her how I felt about stuff and that was her response. Heres where tonights post stems from. Have you ever noticed how friendships are soooo much like relationships? You know how when you start dating someone, you begin to notice the little things about them? Then, you notice the big things. Then you sit down and talk to yourself and you wrestle with the big and little things and you decide if the big things are things that can be changed or if they are so big you have to just let go and break loose of the friendship? With Rob, there are tons of little things; fish sauce, playstation, farting in bed, snore, blowing his nose in the sink and shower and farting at the kitchen table. These are “little” things that drive me nuts, they make me insane. They are the little things I would die with out if he ever left. Rob never really had “BIG” things. Most of my other exes did, there was the one who didn’t graduate and had no life motivation, the one who liked to shove me around, the one who had commitment issues, the one who brought a gun to school, the one who slept with someone else, the other one who slept with someone else, the drug dealer who I’m also pretty sure was in a gang, and of course the one who was just a huge prick (the diver)! There were tons more, but these are a few of my favorite examples of “BIG” problems.

Thing is, friendships are the same way. All of my friends have things that drive me nuts, Lisa is so damn nonchalant, Ginger is too damn smart (knowing things like bugs in cereal is sooo not common knowledge), and Katie….well dammit, her house is too pretty, I go there and I just want to mess it up. However, if you asked me to think of big problems, I really can’t. These are the friends that over time have passed the test and have either made minor changes or even big ones and in the end we found a way to work it out. Lisa has done so good at opening up about stuff which makes me happy…SOOO! HAPPY! (exclamation points and caps happy!) Another way friendships are like relationships, is even the really good ones need breaks sometimes (Ginger and I)! But no matter what if its meant to be, you find your way back to each other, (at Smiths, you with organic milk me with a messy baby)! The other thing though, about these friendships is if you notice something that is a potentially “BIG” problem, you should have no qualms about telling your friend that.

Today I finally expressed to Stephanie one of my “BIG” problems. It drives me nuts that she has soooooo many friends, on Myspace and in life. I know, your thinking what a weird thing to be bothered by. Not really though. If you look at the people I have surrounded myself with, we are all similar. We all have our close friends (who actually know each other and aren’t afraid to hang out together) and we have a very few, other friends, or acquaintances. Some people may say its lonely, but for me, its so refreshing knowing that the friends in my life will be the same friends 50 years from now. Then I see these people will ALL THOSE FRIENDS and I have to wonder, why so many. What is the reason you need to surround yourself with 100s of friends. Not only that, why surround yourself with so many people who choose to segregate themselves. I have mentioned to Steph before that I am super frustrated that her friends don’t seem to want to get to know me, but also to me it seems like she has work friends, second work friends, volleyball friends, guy friends, twins, the high school friends (Dawn, Britney and so on) and me. I look at all of these groups and I find myself wondering, wow, with so many people in your life how on earth do you know who to trust? She trusted people at her last work and go so unbelievably screwed, and the worst part, is I don’t think she learned anything from it. So, her post today, was because I questioned what on earth possessed her to random add me and some other people on myspace (I didn’t name em all but there were a few). I’m honestly bothered by this. If you have these great friends, actual good friends, why on earth do you feel the need to continue to look for more. I have these great friends, I decided to let Steph step in not because I am bored with my friends, simply because she made it really hard not to, and I though maybe I would see what all of this having tons of friends thing was about. I feel like since I let her in I’ve come so far out of my comfort zone I don’t even know who I am anymore. I let her hug me, I answer her phone calls, I sometimes call back, I make an effort to go to where she is, not because I consider her a better friend, simply because I wanted to see if acting all girly and overly friendly was better then, well, having my three close friends who totally get me and love me even if I don’t call back, answer their calls, go to their houses or basically be any kind of a real friend. So today I finally try and explain to Steph that I find it so frustrating that she has all of these gazillion friends, and holy shit did the situation blow up. Me and my pregnancy hormones are mostly to blame, but I walked away from it feeling as though she really didn’t at all understand that for me, I yearn to only be around those people I’m comfortable with. Then I stopped and looked at it harder and I realized, Ginger also has a few close friends, I KNOW THEM, we can hang out, Lisa, only a few close friends I KNOW THEM, we can hang out (and squish each others boobs), Katie only has a few close friends, I KNOW THEM, we can hang out together (and get shitfaced drunk together…Candice) I realized that Steph having alll of these friends makes it impossible for all of her friends to combine and become a group or at least a group of people who can occasionally hang out.

So I’m left wondering, is this going to be one of those huge things that is going to turn into a major conflict, or is this going to be one of those things I will learn to get past.

Something else you have to know, is that I don’t keep friends long, and before Rob I didn’t keep guys long. If things get good I find a way to fuck them all up so I have an easy out. I don’t do this with Ginger, or Lisa or Katie, because they give me zero reason to want out. With that one guy, right when things got decent, I might have slept with one of his good friends, with that other guy, right when things were serious….I possibly slept with that same guy, with the guy who took my dog, when he moved in, I might have made a big enough deal out of washing a shirt that he moved right back out. It hurt, but I was alone and I was comforted in that. I was at peace knowing I was with me and only me, and that my three friends would come over, say all the right things, get me totally wasted, and never, EVER once try and force me out of the house, or try and force me to change. When things got good with the guy whose parents I loved…I might have slept with that same guy again. When things got good with that guy I slept with a lot, I might have cut him off. Now theres a surefire way to push someone away huh!

The point is, I am a person I’m a person obsessed with comfort zones. I don’t like to leave my bubble, I don’t like the new, or the unfamiliar, or the whole getting to know your quirks thing. This method works for me. This is the method that makes me happy, that causes me not to stress, that makes me relax and calm the fuck down. I am surrounded by people who know when to get excited (chocolate sale) and who also know, when to just be mellow and not act overly happy. I’m surrounded by people who know that sometimes I will stare at my caller ID and know you are calling and choose not to answer it, because in that hour I can’t cope with talking on the phone. They know, I probably won’t call them back and more then likely I won’t even address the fact they called. I like this. This is why I don’t do new well. This is why I take the new and I destruct it. I mash it up and I find all of the bad.

I am the same in friendships as I am in relationships. Sometimes in relationships, one exceptional person comes along and you marry them. Only them. You pick the person who you actually love to hug, the person who touches your soul, who offers you the world with out wanting a single thing back (besides maybe some fried chicken skin and a little sex here and there). You marry the person who carries your whole heart in theirs as though it were a raw egg and they are terrified of breaking it. The person you can show your ugly too, your crazy, your break down and cry on the floor. You marry the person who knows the real you inside and out. The one who knows that your probably bipolar, that you make no sense, that your family is fucked up and that your life is in shambles. You marry that person and they don’t tell you it’s going to be okay, they just shut their mouth, take it all in and in the morning they never speak of it again. Well, that is how my friendships are. I feel like I’ve made a life long commitment to the three people in my life. I realize that I could never go with out Ginger (really ask her how bad I pestered her when she tried to take a break from me, I was relentless), I need Ginger, because for someone who isn’t related to me, shit, this girl has seen allllll of my ugly and just shuts her mouth about it (okay there is some occasional sarcasm but I love that from her!) Lisa, well I couldn’t live with out Lisa because shit, I don’t know if I ever make a decision with out speaking to her first. I’m serious I probably don’t even buy bread with out calling her first. Not to mention she is the only one I can be on the phone with for 5 hours and say nothing besides OMG I tasted the best chips. Shes also the one I can be on the phone with for 5 hours where I say everything and she says nothing because as she puts it, I’m an overthinker and I can’t over think with out over thinking out loud. Also, she has a great sense of direction. I need Katie in my life, because I need someone who believes in a happy ending. I need that person who sees everything through rose colored glasses while sugar coated and having a silver lining. Katie is the only one who can basically say Shannon, STOP your being an ass and I say….OMG I’m being an ASS…and, Katie is pretty much the only one who isn’t afraid to say, hey you dipshit, knock it off and get out of your pitty party, your being stupid (cept Katie always says shit so much better) plus Katies parents totally make the best toast.

The new people I have let in my life never seem to have a quality I can’t live with out. Shanna, I can live with out her, Nicole, no problem. But these three, nope I would die. Really ask Rob how pouty and whiny I was when Ginger took her break. All I did was whine about how I NEED GINGER TO LIVE (yes I really said those exact words, I’m that corny)!

So at the end of this, I have to say, I would rather only have three friends that I NEED TO LIVE then have 201 that I could live or die with out. I would rather have three people, I would trust with my childs life (Ginger would feed him good and make him smart, Katie would teach him amazing manners, and make him smart, and Lisa would obey every wish in my will about no spanking or this or that…and make him a math genius….shit my friends are too smart). I have to say its pretty big when you have 3 people in your life you would trust your kid, or your cat too.

So there it is, there is my frustrating, maybe this is a case of it bothers me that you aren’t like me, but thats fine, I’m not afraid to admit that. It bugs the shit out of me that Stephanie isn’t like me. It bothers me she has friends in her life who would fuck her over and get her fired, or miss her birthday for the gym or school (Ginger missed a final or something to sit on a curb with me after my grandma died and watch me smoke…ginger is all about school and she missed school for me). That is what bothers me. I guess, I don’t understand anyone in the world not wanting what I have with my three best friends. How can anyone want to live a life with people who aren’t like my friends? My friends, who would drop everything and anything, just to come eat mexican or Thai with me, or drag their brand new baby to Benihana for no reason other then I had a craving, or who will ditch their husband on superbowl because you know my superbowl party means the world to me. Friends who understand that the little times, like a birthday or a craving or a thought are the most important times. Friends shouldn’t only be your friends at the big times. Anyone can be there at the big time, anyone can do what looks politically correct, but really how many friends would drop everything just to get some frozen yogurt? This, this right here, is what drives me nuts about Steph, I’m not sure her friends would do these things for her, and I guess more then anything it makes me feel sad for her. It makes me want to fix everything and make it better. It makes me want to shake her and say hey wake up, the people in your life are treating you so bad. And the fact that I can’t help that, and I can’t make her see frustrates the fuck out of me. Every time she tells me what her shit head friends did I get angry. But then I remember what Ginger said, fix it or shut up about it. Well get rid of those people or get over it right. She won’t ever get rid of the people who treat her bad, because Steph likes to make people happy. Basically I’m just not sure how much longer I can sit around and watch Steph be this amazing friend to all her friends, while they are just friends when its convenient to them to be a friend.

Anyway I’m sure this blog is going to piss Steph off even more then I did today, but in the end, thats fine. Be mad at me. I don’t mind. It happens, you laugh it off and move on. So there you go, this is the reason for the whole fight today. I hope now you understand better.