A how to guide to parenting

HOW TO MAKE YOUR TODDLER HAVE A MELTDOWN IN 4 SECONDS!

We are teaching Brandon to say please and thank you. So usually when he asks for something I hold it back and say, “SAY PLEASE”. Then he will choose to say please or not, depending on how bad he want something.

HOWEVER! DO NOT TRY THIS WHILE WITH HOLDING YOUR CHILDS MILK!

I filled up his milk and he was jumping around the kitchen giggling. Then I shut the fridge and said, Brandon say please. That was all it took, he started crying. So I put the milk on the counter, and said, “Honey just say please.” He tried to reach the counter and before I knew it he went from giggling to full on melt down. Sobs, tears, screams, body shakes and all. I tried and tried to get him to say please and the more I tried the harder and louder he sobbed. Finally I handed over the milk. He was crying so bad that even after that he was still sniffling and sobbing and no longer wanting to play, he only wanted to cuddle and watch Incredibles with his prized milk.

So. Lesson of the day. DON’T FUCK WITH YOUR CHILD AND HIS MILK!

Misplaced

I know you all got a good laugh out of me leaving the cheese in the cheese drawer. However, when my son does this, it isn’t funny its just plain cute.

Things Brandon has hidden:

1. A Bob the Builder CD. This was found in the bathroom drawer placed there totally with a purpose.

2. One set of work keys, found in the grass behind my work.

3. A flashlight, found inside the fridge on the bottom shelf, by the milk.

4. Toilet bowl scrubber, found inside the trash can.

5. Numerous milks found both in the cabinet inside of my pots and pans, AND behind the bookshelf in my living room.

6. Little socks these can be found under his TV stand on the bottom shelf in a nice little pile.

7. A whole roll of toilet paper. This can be found unrolled and then shoved in the toilet.

8. The bedroom remote, always in the living room.

9. The playstation controller never stays in the Playstation room it is always moved into the living room.

10. One half jumbo Costco size bottle of Emerils seasoning can be found on the kitchen floor and in my childs hair.

Spoke to soon

I was chatting with my aunt last night on yahoo. She asked how I was feeling. HA! I said this,

“Actually if my boobs didn’t hurt I wouldn’t even know I was pregnant. I’m not sick, my belly isn’t popping out, and i’m not even having any weird side effects!”

This morning I woke up and I have wanted to puke now 4 times. Once when I opened the diaper pale. Once, when I changed a poopy diaper that I’m pretty sure was rotten sewage in disguise, once when my shit head cousin started sniffing his cast and tried blowing stink air out of it with a bike pump, and once just walking down the hall. Oh and once now reliving the cast thing.

Why did I open my big damn mouth? HUH? WHY!!!!!!!!

Learn something new everyday

So I was reading some random baby thing and it said, the reason pregnant women get sick so much and so bad while they are pregnant is because your body actually shuts down the immune system so that it won’t reject the baby!! Aha? It all makes sense. Now I’m not so mad about being sick, I guess I would rather be sick then have my body kick my baby out…that would be cold for the baby.

Ignorance? Or Stupidity?

This weekend, I went to my moms house to help her fix her computer. During this mess we had to call her internet provider and ask them if there were any problems with her connection. I had to call because to put it nicely, “SBC INTERNET SERVICE SUCKS BIG ASSHOLE!” I’m on the phone with this lady, who I can barely hear. SINCE I can barely hear her, I can’t tell what nationality she is, including if she is American! I have to state this now, so you can understand my frustration later. I explain no less then three times to this lady what I want. I explain, that we have put a private password on my moms router and I need to reset it. She keeps saying, ma’am I can’t help with your e-mail password????? Huh, I’m not even talking about e-mail. Finally I get upset and I say, these words exactly,
“Is there someone else I can speak to, I’m not sure your understanding what I’m trying to say here, maybe a fresh pair of ears will help us.”

Her reply,

“SO WHAT YOU MEAN IS YOU WANT TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE AMERICAN?”

HUH?

I ask her to please repeat that because I wasn’t really sure I heard her actually say that to me.

“YOU WANT TO SPEAK TO AN AMERICAN?”

I pause for a second and say, “NO, I simply would like to speak to someone else because I just don’t think you are understanding what I’m saying. I think you think I am talking about something else. If you wouldn’t mind can I just speak to someone else?”

She tells me no, that everyone there is busy and I’m stuck with her. Finally I’m so overwhelmed with this lady I hand the phone to my mom. She asks the lady if she really just asked me if I wanted to talk to an American. The lady replies “Yes I did!” All mater o factly like! Moms like okay, now you really pissed me off, I want a manager now, that was rude and inappropriate, I was sitting right here, and never once did my daughter imply that she wanted someone else because you aren’t American. Then my mom says this,
“Can I just ask you ma’am on a personal level what nationality you are?”

The lady responds with,
“Filipino”

My mom starts laughing and says,
“Do you realize, you just asked my daughter, who is MARRIED to a Filipino and who has a half Filipino son and another half Filipino child inside of her, if she would like to speak to an American?”

Moms really laughing at this point. She asks the lady how it is fair for her to make an assumption that I would be racist simply based on me being American? The lady was basically stumped. My mom continues, that maybe that lady shouldn’t say things like that because she never knows who someone is related to, or married to and that you shouldn’t make assumptions like that, especially when I in no way suggested she wasn’t English. In the end the lady felt stupid and told my mom to tell me she was sorry, because she didn’t realize that I had Filipino family.

I just don’t understand. I felt like that was reverse racism or something. Like this girl was angry at me for being American or whatever. I’m one of the least racist people I know. I like everyone. I’ve had crushes on every ethnicity AND I MARRIED A DAMN FILIPINO. I will admit there are parts of my neighborhood I’m afraid to walk by, and they are inhabited by Hispanics, that is not why I’m afraid though. I’m afraid because the SWAT team has already raided their house because they are involved with drugs and gangs. I am also afraid because their are always some very fishy things going on outside. Not to mention, the rest of my non racist friends are also a little afraid of those couple houses. However, there are plenty of white people who scare me, and black people and purple people too. So it frustrates me, that this woman made such a judgment about me with out knowing a damn thing about me!

After thinking about this a little longer, the part I find amusing, is that I speak some Filipino. I actually could have showed off and said a few things to this woman, who assumed I didn’t understand her, simply because she was Filipino. Now that I think about it, maybe it would have been more effective had I told her “Thank you, but kiss my ass in Filipino!”

Oprah is no longer safe to watch while pregnant

I’m watching Oprah on Tivo right now. She is doing a show called Cheers to You! She just brought on this lady Debbie from Operation Cuddle. What she does is help moms who want to give up their baby, instead of leaving it in a trash somewhere. Also, she helps moms with no money get prenatal care and even sets up adoptive families. One girl whose family was really upset she was pregnant so young, called Debbie and then next thing she knew they had thrown a baby shower, gotten her an OB and so on. The little girl is now six and her mom decided to keep her after seeing at the shower how many people were so happy for the baby to come. All the babies, and happiness and surprises have really gotten me bawling now. I’m not sure I can finish the story. I’m just glad my husband is outside because I’m actually crying that ugly cry with terrible sobbing and snorts. Uggggg, leave it to Oprah to make me blubber

WORST FINALE EVER!!!!!!!!

I hate you Grey’s Anatomy! I HATE YOU IN CAPS! I HATE YOU IN ITALICS! I HATE YOU IN WEBDINGS! I HATE YOU! Finales aren’t supposed to make you cry with saddness. They are supposed to make you happy. They are supposed to make you excited for the future. They are supposed to make you jump up and down with excitement for next season. THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU WALK AWAY CRYING BECAUSE THEY TURNED THE WHOLE SHOW TO SHIT IN ONE HOUR AND FIFTEEN MINUTES!!!!! Worst finale ever. I’m not even looking forward to the mess they have created next season. Stupid dumb ass writers!!!!!!

A big ole can of whoop ass….assvice that is

Pretty sure I’m going to regret this later. However since most of you are way ahead of me on this I’m going to open this up for some serious assvice here. Ya’ll said go ahead and potty train. Only problem. I’m pretty sure I have zero clue exactly how this potty training thing goes. Old organized Shannon would have pulled out all of my books and bought about 45 more while researching online all the perfectly right ways to do this. However, new worn out, overwhelmed, lazy mom Shannon says it sounds so much easier to just let you all tell me how it worked for you. I’ll pick the best sounding one and go from there and when that doesn’t work I’ll move on down the list. Oh yeah be specific. Someone said they used a timer. Only they didn’t tell me how long they set the timer for, did they use the timer for how long the kid was on the potty or how long between being one the potty, what kind of timer did they use, was it an egg, or the microwave or some cute froggy looking timer.

Does this world really not know how impatient I am??????

Went to the doctor today. Heartbeat was 154. That was it. NOTHING ELSE! A big fat nothing. Oh wait thats not true, I got told that is going to be another seven to eight weeks till I find out the sex. SEVEN TO EIGHT WEEKS!!!!!!!!! Does the world hate me? Fuck. Anyway, healthy mom, healthy baby blah blah still don’t know if I get to register for a pink bundle me or a brown. Assholes! Oh but, I’ve only gained two pounds, which I can’t manage to believe considering the amount of candy and chips I’ve been Hoovering lately!