I didn’t realize how quickly time changes here in Reno, well, actually everywhere basically. I mean, I’ve only been gone from the real world for three weeks and it felt so different when I ventured back out. The first and biggest surprise was Thursday when I pulled up to Starbucks and I saw THEY HAD A WHOLE NEW DRINK!!!!!!!!!! But wait theres more! They even had new snacks! New packaging even! Can you imagine my surprise when I pulled up to see a brand new Raspberry mocha frapaccino. RASPBERRY PEOPLE! MIXED WITH CHOCOLATE, ONLY MY TWO MOST FAVORITE THINGS EVER!!!!!!! So I pull forward and I notice OMG they now have a raspberry swirl loaf. I nearly peed my pants out of joy. Sitting next to me on my car seat for breakfast was a healthy orange juice, yogurt, carrot sticks and trail mix. This was quickly replaced by a Venti Raspberry Mocha Frapaccino and a thick slice of raspberry loaf. Huh, what was that about yogurt and carrot sticks?

Then I came home for a bit before lunch and I turned on Itunes, and thought I would visit the Itunes store. There was all new music. Apparently new songs come out even when I’m not there to hear them. I frantically composed a list of new summer favorites and updated my Ipod (this is not entirely true, I may have actually emailed said list to husband and told him to do all this for me since he has limewire on his computer and I won’t allow limewire (we don’t download music illegally, huh what who said limewire, huh) to taint my preshus white Mac Book, but his black Mac book can totally be tainted) I put my Ipod in my car and start bepobbing along to my new fantastic beats when I go to Rite Aid to pick up my prescription.

ONLY Rite Aid is now Longs, and the fuckers got rid of that tasty fresh ice cream Rite Aid used to serve. Dammit, I was really looking forward to a nice scoop of ice cream as my mid day snack before I picked up Julia for lunch. So as I wandered Longs I noticed that although they got rid of the ice cream they updated the candy isle. They didn’t have my prescription ready because I was a Rite Aid person and my order didn’t go through over the phone, blah blah so I left the store. However I didn’t leave before purchasing the following very healthy snack:
1 Diet cherry Pepsi
1 Jumbo box Whitmans chocolate sampler (it was 45% off like you would have said no either!)
1 Jumbo box of Hersheys truffles (holy heaven on earth people)
1 Large bag gummy savers (which my son found and ate for breakfast this morning while I was being a good parent and snoozing on the couch)
1 Smores candy bar (because I’m to lazy to make a real Smore)

I did pretty good huh? I guess this is what happens when I’ve been cooped up in the house for too long. Oh yeah, just for the record I ate two truffles, no Whitmans, nearly the whole bag of gummy savers and two sips of the drink. I’m a rebel huh. The rest is in my garage fridge for next time I’m feeling like I need to binge. I’m such an enabler.

Then I picked up Julia for lunch and I swear I didn’t remember Reno being this bright. We went to Jakes Place. This is a local place. We both ate way to many fries (but serious, they are the best fries, they are crunchy and kinda battered or something…lets just say they are like TFO’s (tiny food orgasms). After lunch we figured we needed desert, because really now, I hadn’t had enough desert yet right? So we went to Marble Slab and I’ll be damned if they didn’t have a whole new selection of flavors. Suddenly I was left to come up with whole new flavor combinations, and really there was no way I could try it all in one day so just to be safe I should probably go back there every day this weekend to try all the rest.

After that I stopped at the store and can you believe they now sell Raspberry soft lips. I mean I knew about cherry, and strawberry, and mint and vanilla but RASPBERRY. I crammed two of them in my cart so fast you woulda thought I had just found free chocolate.

I can’t believe all the changes that have taken place this month while I’ve been gone.

For those of you interested here is my new summer play list:
Justin Timberlake Summer Love (because BEST SONG EVER)
Paul McCartney Dance Tonight (husband still laughing at me for LOVVVVING THIS SONG)
Plain White T’s Hey There Delilah (the damn song just grew on me and stuck and now I heart this song)
Fergie Big Girls Don’t Cry (I realllly tried hard to hate this song)
Bone Thugs I tried (because I’m gangsta)
Elliot Yamin Wait for You (because could I get anymore hip after the Paul McCartney?)

Then I have a few classics that I have to Rock
Tiffany I think we’re alone now
The Four Seasons O what a night
Skee Lo I wish I was a little bit taller (because I really do)
Debbie Gibson Lost in your eyes (because you always need one sobfest song right?)
Coolio Gangstas Paradise (because I told you I’m a gangsta)
Counting Crows Mr. Jones

Seriously people, could I be any more fantastic in my choices of music? I bet you all wish you could be cool like me huh? I have so many more jams but these are my current faves. Really though, if you went through my Itunes you would all think I was looney!

Or for adults for that matter. Here is what determined my blogs rating…

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• shit (20x)
• ass (10x)
• fucking (9x)
• hell (7x)
• fuck (6x)
• sex (3x)
• fucks (2x)
• breast (1x)

I’m thinking this must have only been the first page because I KNOW I’ve said Fuck wayyyy more then that huh!

I’m such a classy gal eh.

Okay so since its my anniversary (a month ago) I have decided what I want you all to get me. Yeah I know look at me all “oh I’m so rad please give me presents!” But really what I would like is for everyone (all ten of you) who read me, to delurk and let me know your there. That way I’ll know I’m not just talking to myself and my 5 friends who I basically force to read this. So yeah, thanks if you could just do me that little favor and let me know your there that would be great mmmmkay. Plus it will give me new shit to read for the next 5 months while I’m sittin on my couch!

Thanks ya’ll (yeah cuz I turned southern there for a second)

I meant to try to remember not to forget that June 1st was my first blog anniversary. Darn. I forgot. I’m trying to go back through my archives and see what I’ve written. So far not so much. No eloquent this or publish worthy that. Not a lot of stuff that makes you say hmmm and really think, but a lot of stuff that makes you say c and want to barf. My very first comment was from some wedding people advertising wedding albums. It took me nearly a year to get more readers then the three friends I had and now I struggle to keep it interesting. But I mean how interesting can, bed rest, baby poop, and whiny diet complaints really be huh? When I started this blog, my son wasn’t even one yet. He was still considered a baby. Now, NOW he is nearly two and he looks like he’s already 20 and sometimes the fact that he is growing up tests my sanity so much I don’t know what to do. When this blog started I never wanted more then one kid. NOW I’m pregnant. Hmmmm. There has been some funny stuff and some what the hell was she thinking stuff. I stopped nursing during this time. There was the time I admitted I wore granny panties. There was that time I talked about baby poop. That other time I talked about poop. I’ve written about my husband being awesome. About my husband being strange. There was that time I complained a lot. The time I told you what a knuckle head I am. That time I was pregnant and didn’t even know. There was the time I got sick of reading my archives and realized I was going to be late for work, so this post will continue tonight.

One of the biggest differences in this pregnancy is the fact that I’m finding it impossible to breath. I get a few measly breaths here and there, but to take a real deep breath, now that is a chore. Then, if I eat, I can basically forget about breathing for a good 6 hours or so. Which means if I eat three meals a day I can’t breath until long after I’m in bed. So I spend a lot of the day wondering if I’d rather starve, or breath, and dammit, the food always wins. This leaves me waddling around sounding like a choking duck or something. I try soooo hard to breath in, and that makes me cough, so then I try taking a series of quick breaths until maybe I get a full one. Nope nothin. On the rare occasion I do get a full one I let out a little victory sigh, which leaves me struggling to breath again.

As I was typing this I ran to the kitchen to put my lunch in the oven (which reminds me damn lasagna sounds good, wish I had some of that laying around huh) and I remembered to check the steak I was marinating for my husbands fajitas. I figured I would pour a little salsa in with that and I’ll be damned if I didn’t nearly dump a whole damn bottle of pepperoccinis on his steak. This would have been devistating as my husband is the king of marinades. There is a science involved and it took 2 years before I was even allowed to know the secret steak marinade and I wasn’t allowed to write it down, in case someone saw it, which means, 90% of the time I fuck it up, meaning 99% of the time Rob marinates his steak and I deal with the sides because you know GRRR MAN MEAT, ME GRILL THE MEAT BECAUSE I AM MAN GRRRR! And did I mention that meat is only accepted in grilled or fried form.

So I finish marinating my meat and go back into my bedroom. Thats right, today I moved from my post on the couch to a new post in my bed. The only problem is I felt all clean this morning and I made the bed and straightened up the house and what not. WELLLLL now that I’ve made the damn bed I don’t want to mess up my 8 pillows (shut up…thats not including the two decorative ones my son stole from me) so I’m not sitting here in the most uncomfortable position ever as not to mess up my damn bed, that I never should have made in the first damn place. So now, to avoid screwing up my pillows I’ve rolled over onto my belly, which is SOOOOO easy when your pregnant right. On the plus side the baby is totally moving when I lay like this, but I’m wondering if I’m just squeezing the shit out of him and hes like hey mom you asshole roll the fuck over so I have room to hiccup in here.

I think my biggest complaint thus far about bed rest is the fact that my husband can’t find the cords to make my NES work meaning I haven’t gotten to waste a single day playing Mario 1, 2 and 3. Woe is me. Now I’m wishing I had the stuff to make lasagna but if I even thought of sending Rob to the store for those ingredients lord help me. He would come home with macaroni noodles, ketchup and cottage cheese or something. No really. He HATES the store. I am pretty sure he screws up purposely in hopes that I will stop asking him to go! FAT CHANCE SUCKER! One time I sent him to the store for some chocolate chips in an emergency and he brought me home a bag of Betty Crocker chocolate chip cookie mix. I looked at him stumped and he said look it says chocolate chips. I said, umm yeah and beneath that it says COOOOOOKIE MIX. I asked him how on earth he didn’t know what the yellow package of Nestle Toll House chips was. His defense was dammit they should have packaged that better and probably put that bag somewhere different. So now, I either take myself to the store, or send him and the go myself anyway because he forgets the important part like oh I dunno lasagna noodles.

This is not the blog I intended to write. That is because I forgot what I wanted to write about. It was good too. This time I need to ask for advice. Katie just emailed me and her email reminded me that I’ve been meaning to ask about this for a while now.

How do I approach the topic of telling people we don’t want to receive something for Brandons birthday? Here is the delima. When Rob and I got married, his dad gave him a bunch of savings bonds that his grandpa had bought for him when he was born. 25 years later and the damn things hadn’t matured yet. We needed money for our honeymoon, and that is what the bonds were intended for, so we cashed them out and lost almost half in fees and then got screwed later that year when tax time came.

So then, when Brandon was born, naturally everyone and their mom bought him savings bonds. Rob and I didn’t really know what to do with them. We stuck them in the safe and then discussed how we would go about telling people that Brandon actually has a savings account. Here is the thing. When I was little my granamda opened a savings account at our credit union for all of her grand children. Every holiday or birthday she deposited money in the account. When we were about 12 we got control of the account. The accounts are called Rocky Raccoon accounts. They are set up as savings accounts and the kids get a little check book type register to learn to keep track of their deposits and so on. Each time you put a dollar in you get a Rocky buck. Then anytime you want you can go to the bank and spend your Bucks on silly things like flashlights, or radios or backpacks. You know all that junk that was soooo cool when you were 12. Anyway. When you turn 16 you are allowed to turn the account into a checking account with no fees or anything. They keep an eye on you though, you can only make 2 withdrawals from savings a month and so on. Then when you turn 18 you get a grown up account.

When I turned 12 I got control of my account (it didn’t have much in it for other reasons that I won’t discuss), by the time I turned 18 I had amassed a savings worth $5,000.00. I Had become extremely responsible with my checking account and never let it dip under $400.00. I received a credit card and I paid the balance every month. I felt very responsible and I was so happy that I had that account to learn to save and respect money and balance my account.

Now I have Brandon. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I started to receive money for him. I saved every dollar and every check and as soon as he had a social security number I opened his account. Even at birthdays or random holidays when he would receive a dollar in a card, I would take it to his account. Every single week I automatically have it set up to transfer $40.00 to his account. He has a stack of Rocky bucks to spend when he is old enough. When his account reached $3,000.00 I was able to place that in a special short term high interest CD offered through our credit union, that was still attached to his name and in his account. Now, he is not even two years old and he already has an account with close to $5,500.00. Personally for someone so young Rob and I think we have done well saving up a nice chunk of change for him.

We fully plan on paying for anything he needs with our own money, such as braces or athletics. However we have discussed allowing him to use a portion of his money (which will be considerable by the time he is 16, 18 and so on) as a down payment on a car, or use a portion of money to help him get started in college. Then of course, letting him have money as a down payment on a house or hmmmm if he ever needs to be bailed out of jail for streaking or something wild like that (he he).

So my question is, how do we tell people that we prefer not to receive savings bonds. To me it almost seems as though they don’t find us responsible enough to handle cash or checks. Like maybe we would spend it on us and not the kids. However even when we have received checks with memo lines saying, use for diapers, I still put it in Brandons account. The best part about having his account is the money is accessible right away if there were an emergency or if the kids wanted it and they don’t have to pay a single fee on it. For instance if Brandon came to me and said I want a car now, or I would like to take a summer vacation before college or something, I can easily get the money, with no penalty, and no tax hassles.

So, is it rude of me to ask people not to give bonds, or do we just suck it up and store them away for 500 years, do we cash em out now and put the money received into their savings? Do I hand out my sons account number to family at holiday time and tell them our request? What do we do. Obviously, I own two houses, I pay my bills, I have savings, my son has savings and I have nothing in collections, so to me it seems obvious that Rob and I are very responsible with money. What do you all think? Also no part of me is asking people to give him money. I prefer they donate to a more needy kid. But since some people are hell bent on giving him something I would much more prefer if it went into his personal account. Here is the bigger problem. My husbands family tends to subscribe to the screw you we are going to do the complete opposite of whatever you ask us to, just to let you know we are still in charge method. Oh and they are the ones who are the most hell bent on buying the bonds.

Vomit. Thats right, Brandon turned right around and puked on my laptop today. Good thing he hit the back and not the keys but still…Whats the deal with our Macs getting wet lately?

Eating cookies and milk with a small child next to you is next to impossible. Reasons: Once cookie came near my mouth Brandon would drop his cookie and snatch mine in case it was better. He would then dunk his whole hand into the milk to fish out a chocolate chip on the bottom, look at it and throw it back in. Then dunk a cookie and make me bite it and throw the rest in the milk. After that he would take a sip of milk, then make me sip the milk and then dunk his whole hand back in the milk!

I can’t stop eating that Fritos cheese sauce in the can. Its in the can like the bean dip. Its hot as hell but I just keep eating it.

I should join AA that is artichokes anonymous. I’ve had three in the last 10 days. The only upside is they have lots of folic acid!

I really love when Chef Ramsey screams on Hells Kitchen.

I got new sheets this week. They are pretty. They were so pretty I almost made my bed this morning, and I almost made it again at lunch when I went in there, but ehhhh I didn’t.

Pregnancy heart burn is killing me. Tums aren’t helping, Maalox does, but that also makes me want to puke.

I wonder how old I will be before I learn to spell vacuum.

So far all my son will eat this week is spaghettios. Oh wait, he will lick the butter off his bread and he ate one muffin and 6 Cheeto’s.

When my son was asked to show daddy where the baby was, instead of pointing to my belly he pointed to my husbands newly filled up belly and said baby baby.

When asked what that was, pointing to a picture of an ape, Brandon proudly responded PAPA!

However, he can still totally tell you were his pee pee is!

I made the mistake of showing him how you put your thumb over a hose to spray it better…I had to change outfits twice tonight after playing outside while trying to keep him busy so he wouldn’t sleep at 5PM. He chased me down and soaked me beyond belief.