Tales from a hungry pregnant woman

5:30AM wake up. I’m hungry. Have 2 mini cherry donuts

5:40 Have another mini donut

5:50 have forth and final donut (become to lazy to capitalize the front of the sentence)

7ish stephanie mentionsegg salad sandwhch MUST HAVE EGG SALAD SANDWHICH

730ish sit on couch wishing eggs would cook themselves

8ish realize ooooh hardboiled eggs make me think of deviled eggs

820 realize that i am now to lazy to put colon in time, go to kitchen to see if we have eggs see avocado. realize cant live without guacamole and chips for breakfast

821 realize no tortilla chips in house, heart dies a little

830 realize we probably don’t have full container of eggs, try using laser vision to see if we do…laser vision must be on fritz

840 husband tells me he thinks there is a full carton of eggs in there

845 think i’m too lazy to look behind half empty carton of eggs for newer fuller eggs

850 go to kitchen and make soy sausage patties forget to look for eggs while in there

851 make son french toast sticks, wish i was eating french toast sticks, but ewww why would i eat those?

930 realize soy sausage was not guacamole or hard boiled eggs….wonder why the eggs haven’t cooked themselves

932 remember that i throw up eggs when i’m pregnant, wonder if its worth it….only worth it if eggs cook themselves

933 wish i had some of that yummy spicy cheese in a can to dunk lays in..but i don’t because i ate the whole can last week

934 wonder if internet thinks i just eat a bunch of garbage (i dont really the other night there was roasted asparagus and healthy food i promise)

934 and a half remember other artichoke sitting in there….could boil artichoke while i boil eggs

934 and three nope now 935 i better open the fridge and see if anything new is there be back

935 boiling water for eggs and artichoke, wonder if i should salt water for artichoke, decide that i will. take eggs out of carton making sure to leave them distributed evenly as to not make egg container lopsided

937 wonder if i salted water or not…oh well salting it again fuckers

938 put eggs in pan and cover it…try to remember to listen for water to boil

939 search for special knife to cut off top of artichoke cut off and search for lid to small pot

940 realize live with small toddler lid has to be somewhere finally find it under ultra large pan, wonder if i should be lifting all those pans?

942 put on vanilla scented deodorant

943 smelling deodorant makes me want yummy vanilla cookies

943.5 realize hate vanilla cookies and pout now

945 realize neither of the things i’m cooking are going to satisfy urgent hunger NOW fuck still need to find something to eat

946 son just came up to me making kissy face covered in self applied suntan lotion…lips now taste like suntan lotion, that did nothing to help appetite

946.5 realize this list is so fucking long shit shut up and just eat something already you skanky pregnant whore

947 i’m done with list now..really i swear

947.75 done with list and my stupid pregnant ass still hasn’t eaten!

One thought on “Tales from a hungry pregnant woman

  1. Oh my god, so funny. \”Heart dies a little.\” \”Laser vision must be on fritz.\” \”943.5 realize I hate vanilla cookies.\” Ha ha ha ha ha!


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