Reasons being on bed rest 97% of the week isn’t so bad

  1. I can eat burritos for breakfast and no one knows. Wait, shit now you all know I just had a burrito for breakfast, shhhh don’t tell mmmkay.
  2. My laundry has never been so low, I mean really one can wear the same jammies for like 3 days before they are deemed to crusty to keep wearing.
  3. I have complete control of the remote…which won’t stop leading me towards baby shows and food shows (which make me sad and hungry)
  4. Did I mention the burritos? I did? Yeah, so, shut up! I’m on bed rest you know, I’m allowed to be a certain amount of senile huh?
  5. NAPS
  6. Naps with out a toddler sitting on my head WHOAH imagine that!
  7. I get to read blogs all day long
  8. I can pee with the door open and no toddler watching me!!!!!!!!!
  9. I get to control the temperature in the house according to my pregnancy hot flashes
  10. Two burritos for breakfast..wait, I didn’t say two before, I mean, umm I am not a pig of course I only had one burrito for breakfast don’t be silly. Okay, but they were really small.
  11. I also may or may not have eaten a Recees for desert this morning at 8AM

Also some clarification. Although the doctor said I was free to work if I choose, I have not been removed from bed rest. My family feels that I still need to sit at home which means I’m allowed to work 2 days a week for two hours at a time each day. Also, the smallest things still seem to make me bleed. I made Rob dinner the other night and just bending down into the oven a couple times set me off bleeding. Other things cause bleeding too. Like going to the store, or going to Babies R Us to register. So needless to say I’m still sitting here on the dang couch.


On our way to Jens wedding I decided I would take some pictures of all of us. So I get out the camera, which Brandon has started posing for and I say SMILE BRANDON
No no, smile not show me your tongue
Umm okay I guess thats a smile
This picture is adorable but thats really not a smile
There you go, now thats a smile
There are two people in life that complete me, these may or may not be them (but more may then may not) (okay more like these are the two people in life who complete me) (oh yeah notice the little box of baby wipes Brandon was sitting on? He called that his chair and was posing on it for every after I took pictures, he would pose then run over and say more picture mom more picture…my son is such a ham) (I just made brackets here for fun)
We match so well huh?
Yeah yeah I cut off his head, but I look good in this one so it stays, no really could we match any better?
Mommy and Brandon
Proving I really don’t know how to work my camera..but again, I look pretty so it stays!
This would be Jen getting married if those assholes would move their head, (okay they may be the photographers but they were still all up in our way) Jen looks so beautiful.
If you look closely you’ll notice two things…Thats Jen’s second dress, and she has a little bump there! I meant to get one that showed both our bumps but I didn’t want to bug her too much. Also see the yellow and blue flowers in the background? I TOLD YOU WE MATCHED THE WEDDING PERFECT!

Trading in for a new model

There are times in everyones marriage where they want to trade in for a new model. I don’t mean they cheated or you hate them or something, I mean if you think hard enough, there are times where you just wanted to kill them and trade in for a new model.

Example given!
The day we were going to deliver Brandon I hadn’t eaten in 24 hours. This wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t delivering Brandon at 4 in the fucking afternoon. Oh yeah top that off with nothing to drink I was a real fucking sweet heart to be around! Back to the point. We get in the car to drive to the hospital and Rob mentions he was hungry. He tells me he is going to grab something to eat at the hospital while they are prepping me. I growl at him. Do you know what the little shit stops and gets??????


At this moment, I didn’t just want to trade in, I wanted to throw his ass out of the moving car on the freeway. The whole 15 minute ride to the hospital all I could smell was the scent of golden delicious french fries. We get to the hospital and he really tried to eat that in my room. I all but went exorcist on his ass and told him he better go out into the fucking waiting room or I would divorce him before that baby was born. He slinked out into waiting room with his jumbo soda right when they brought me a shot of some acid reflux stuff that tasted like whiskey mixed with nyquil and at that point I started throwing a huge fit because that man couldn’t get his McDonalds out of my room fast enough.

So do any of you have times when you have wanted to trade in for a new model?

A few things I forgot

From the 80’s

  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TURTLES IN A HALF SHELL TURTLE POWER
  • Ice Ice baby
  • LA Gear (thanks Lisa) with two color laces)
  • Duck Tales
  • Hypercolor
  • Tranformers
  • Heman
  • Gem
  • Walk-Man
  • Saved by the Bell
  • MC Hammer 2 Legit Hey hey
  • New Kids on the Block Step One one one
  • Full House
  • Shrinky Dinks
  • Nerds
  • Pegging your pants
  • Scolastic Book Orders
  • Sally Jessy Raphael
  • When I wasn’t allowed to watch Dirty Dancing but did at a friends

From the 90’s

  • Pogs
  • Joey Lawrance Whoah
  • Johnathon Taylor Thomas was sooooo hot
  • Back when Bob Saget hosted Americas Funniest Videos
  • I’m to sexy for my shirt to sexy for my shirt
  • Let’s Talk About sex baby
  • Quality movies like Clueless
  • Super soakers
  • The Rikki Lake Show
  • Pretending I was in the movie Pretty Woman

About a boy

When I was younger, well not younger but basically my whole life until the day I found out I was pregnant with Brandon, I always thought I wanted a girl. I think for no other reason besides the fact that I was VERY GIRLY and always thought I would pass my pink-Barbie-cheerleading-makeup-froofroo passions on to her. Then I got pregnant. Suddenly I knew it was a boy. I wanted a boy. I had no idea what raising a boy would be like but I’ll be dammed if I didn’t want a boy. Then Brandon came, and I knew right away, in a second that I was meant to have a son. There was no other way for it to be. My first born was to be my boy, my little man, the love of my life.

Being the mom of a boy and having so many people in my life with boys I know a lot of people relate to how I feel. Boys are crazy. They jump and climb and pee standing up. They put stink bugs in their mouthes and squish ants with their pointer fingers. They don’t worry about washing their hands and they blow their nose on their shirt. They karate chop and will clothesline a three year old at a park who stole their rock. They get hurt and laugh and try to figure out how to do it again. They hang out with their hand in their diaper and love to be naked showing off their manliness.

Way back when Rob and I DIDN’T EVER WANT MORE KIDS and Brandon was about 5 months old we were sitting at Port of Subs eating lunch one day. There were two boys there about 4 and 5. They were bouncing back and forth between building a fort out of chairs, killing each other and scheming to get in some other kind of trouble. Most people would have been appalled by their behavior, I on the other hand said to Rob, if we ever get to a place where we want another kid, I want another boy. Brandon needs a brother, and accomplice, a partner in crime.

As the months went on I grew to love having a son more and more. I realized the bond between a mom and her son is unbreakable. It’s as strong as some peoples bonds with God. I told Rob one day that no matter what happened in life, no matter what happened with he and I, I was so happy because I realized that for the rest of my life I had someone to love me unconditionally. I realize boys get mad at their moms, but no matter what, they always come back to their mommies.

When I found out I was pregnant this time, my first thought was I hope I get another boy so Brandon has a brother. Then I started looking on the baby websites and I was so excited by the girly stuff that for a while I thought Okay maybe I want a girl. How fun to dress her up and stuff right? But then what? When we found out yesterday it was a boy, at first I didn’t know what to think. Then I realized I was so happy my son was getting his brother. Brandon was going to get his brother. He was going to teach him to jump and play and vroom vroom and pee naked outside. Then I thought oh shit, Brandon is going to try and teach my 4 month old to jump off the coffee table and just shove him off instead thinking its the same. I started laughing so hard. I was getting what I wanted. I realized, after I dressed up that little girl I wouldn’t know what to do with her. I couldn’t play big time wrestling with her, and Rob couldn’t teach her baseball and then it hit me. I could never be the mom to a girl. I can’t wait to watch my boys. They are going to team up against me, and booby trap the house, and pee all over the bathroom floor, and probably beat the shit out of each other and its going to ROCK. I couldn’t be happier.

I always thought boys would be so scary. How do you potty train them and what do you do when they get hurt and ummm is my 3 month old really getting a hard on? But now, I giggle so hard when Brandon runs outside, takes his diaper off and waters the lawn. I giggle harder when he tries to bend down and watch himself pee and nearly pees on his head. I giggle when he grabs his pee pee like Michael Jackson, juts his crotch out and says PEE PEE and then pulls on it as though it were Laffy Taffy. I LOVE HAVING A BOY!

I would say the only reason I felt sad is that I knew Rob wanted a girl, so he could understand a little how it felt for me having a boy. You know, mommas boy and daddies girl. Well now I’m going to have two mommas boys and a part of me wonders how I will be able to stay grounded feeling as much love as I’m about to feel. I’m sure the second that little boy comes out Brandon is going to start trying to teach him. I have visions of Brandon shoving the baby across the floor saying, crawl baby crawl.

It’s weird. I can’t believe someone as girly as me could suddenly go from wanting a princess cheerleader type to wanting a Superman baseball type. I thought of life with girls. Birthday parties full of princess princess fairies and princess. Then I look at Brandon and I see Trucks and fish and Superman, and Elmo, and Batman, and Karate and hell a whole party revolving around bugs and dirt. I get years and years of different costumes, rather then cycling through Disney princesses. I get years of Karate and baseball and football and stitches. I know my son will need stitches some day, but for a girl, that thought would be paralyzing.

I always thought that any mom could be a mom to anyone. But I really feel like I was given the child I was meant to have. I a meant to be a mother to little boys.

So I guess in the end, knowing I’m having another boy, is one of the greatest joys in my life. Whenever I hear someone is pregnant with a baby boy I am so happy for them, I tell them that the best thing in the world is about to happen to them. And now, I get to have the best thing in the world happen to me twice….Lucky? I THINK SO!

Sorry but I got a craving for a burrito






ITS A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He had his junk hanging out all over the place. We saw it twice. No way around it. Its a boy. I am off bed rest, however I still can’t lift anything and I still need to closely monitor the color of the blood coming out of me. I go back in 6 weeks to make sure it all still looks good!

Oh shit

Let me just say some of you are doing an excellent job of keeping me amused. This is the latest post by Weekday Wisdom that had me laughing my ass off. I encourage you all to visit her site.

Maury’s job isn’t on the line… at all!

I think about the numerics of my family a lot, like how many brothers-in-law I have named ‘Kyle’ (2) and how many sisters-in-law named ‘Chelsea’ (2). Last week I tried to figure out how many nieces and nephews I have. A year ago I had 24. I think I have 29-ish now. It’s hard to keep track of all of those Kaedyns, Kadens, Cades, Aidens and Calebs, and when some family members breed like hamsters, I can’t sort them all out in my mind.

About two years ago, my sister in California, Lilly, had her first baby. When she came in to town with Jacob, my step-mom insisted on getting all of the grand babies together for a picture. When I saw the picture, there was a strange chubby baby in it that I’d never seen before. I figured someone was probably babysitting another child, and they’d thrown him in the picture so he wouldn’t feel left out. A few days later, I went to see my step-mom for Mothers Day. As I was sitting in the living room chatting with my family, my brother walked in with a girl I went to high school with. In her arms was the chubby baby from the picture. It all made sense. Jim was dating a girl with a baby. That is, until Anna explained to me that the baby was Cade, Jim’s son.


Yep, my brother had a six-month-old son I’d never heard about. Apparently there was a drunken date, a paternity test, and I was a proud new/old aunt and no one in my family thought I was important enough to know.

Fast forward to March 2007. Since Anna became pregnant, she’s been staying at home. She only lives five minutes away from me, so she stops in every now and then. One day she mentioned something about Jim going to court because Cade bit Aiden, and Aiden’s mom was pressing charges.

Who’s Aiden?”I asked.

“Jim’s other son,” Anna informed me.

What!?! Another one?

It gets worse!

Anna explained to me that Aiden is three years old! THREE YEARS OLD! Cade is also THREE YEARS OLD. Something is very wrong with the whole scenario. Could it be that Cade and Aiden are only three months apart in age? Or could it be that Cade’s mom and Aiden’s mom were BEST FRIENDS when these children were conceived???

Then Anna told me that there’s a little girl out in the world somewhere who might be Jim’s daughter.

My brother is sick! See why I say 29-ish?