TWO BOYS

Ha HA! I’m going to have two boys. As in one more then I have now. Let me tell you about my day with one boy!

4:00 am woke up and ran out to turn on Dora.

4:30 am began spinning in a circle, while shaking his head, and jumping and yelling whoah whoah whoah whoah.

5:00 am Tried to clip his toe nails, he screamed so bad you would think I was killing him

5:30 am sneezed a 3 inch long booger out his nose, wiped it on my shirt

6:00 am began doing head stands on couch that then turned to somersaults off the couch.

6:30 am Opened fridge and tried to climb to top shelf for milk…sat there dangling from 3rd shelf till I came and answered his cries of Helb Helb Helb

7:00 am sneezed another 3 inch booger out his nose and wiped it on his shit and my shirt and his hand

7:01 am wiped booger hand on my pants

8:00 am got on coffee table and started jumping full speed onto floor

8:30 am sneezed three inch booger (seriously where is all this snot coming from) out of his nose, hung his head off couch to watch it dangle, began wiggling head back and forth to make booger move around.

8:31 am got very pissed when mom wiped off the booger and started trying to blow more snot out his nose.

8:32 am could not get enough snot so he wiped what he could get on my bare ankle.

9:00 am got on coffee table and started launching full speed head first at couch while yelling ONE TWO THREE. Then throwing ball while he jumped and yelling OH GOSH OH GOSH.

9:05 am began running screaming in circles yelling ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh in a sound that only dogs can here now.

9:06 am begins running into couch then getting up purposely falling down and shouting uh oh

9:08 am running around while yelling uwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuuwuwuwuwu and making dog scream then running face first into couch.

9:14 am back onto coffee table, jumping on to couch while throwing small objects over couch.

9:15 am living room now resembles small trash bin found at sewing scrap store. Paper, toys, CDS, boxes, dolls, and so on now strewn from end to end in very precise manor.

9:16 am Brandon now standing on arm of couch falling backwards while throwing more things off couch.

9:16 am still now launching off couch while tearing pages out of instruction manual shouting one two three FOUR fie six seben !!!!!! UH OH BABY

9:16 am still mom sitting on other couch frozen unsure what in the fuck to do and repeating two boys can’t be any worse

9:18 am back on the arm of the couch shouting MAMA WATCH MAMA WATCH

9:19 am sits still for a moment seems to be calming down

9:20 am it was all a trick..just refueling launching backwards off couch arm onto couch..smacks mouth on couch arm..pretends not to notice

9:20 am begins making paper mache

9:21 am lays on floor cuddling Elmo

9:22 am discovers elmo balloon all hell breaks lose, rips blanket off couch to get to rest of elmo balloon while shouting ELMO ELMO ELMO ELMO ELMO

9:22 am blanket is now unfolded and strewn about entire living room, elmo balloon still not free of blanket

9:23 am uh oh its stuck UH OH TUCK UH OH TUCK UH OH TUCK BALLOON TUCK BALLOON TUCK

9:24 am picking up all toys trying to make them whistle instead just going fwooooooo (thats the noise his mouth is making as he tries to whistle.

9:25 AM THE NANNY IS HERE PRAISE THE LORD THE NANNY IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!

4 thoughts on “TWO BOYS

  1. Oh my…by 8:33 I\’d have been puking my guts out. You rock. I once left my poor 3 year old daughter just standing there with my boyfriend (now her daddy) on Mackinac Island after she\’s sneezed one of those jobbies out. I suck at the wiping of up nosily fluids.

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  2. HA! Wait until they actually get to the age where they can begin to plot your downfall, said the mama of TWO boys! My oldest will be four in January, my youngest turns two in September! They are something else.And I wouldn\’t trade one single second for all the money in the world, stinky diapers, boogers and all.

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