Life with a two year old

  • Choglet nilp choglet nilp choglet nilp. Fine Brandon here is your milk. Nooooo mom shake it shake it. Mom skakes milk and hands it back…mmmmm I lika it choglet nilp.
  • Hold you hold you hold you hold you hold you hold you (translation, hold me)
  • Help me help me help me. Can be said when he actually needs help OR can be said when I am trying to change him, or put him in the shopping cart, or generally doing anything he doesn’t like. He starts screaming help me so it looks like I’m kidnapping him
  • Brandon turn off the TV. NO I turn off. Okay you turn off.
  • Okay lets put your shoes on. NO I put shoe on. Okay well put your socks on. NO I no lika sock. Fine no socks then. NO I put on sock. Okay well let me help you. NO I help you (translates to no I help me???). Fine do it yourself. I DO IT MOMMY I DO IT. Fine. Momma help me sock. Okay come here I’ll help. NO I do it sock.
  • Miggy Mouse Miggy mouse I watch Miggy Mouse
  • Where papa. He’s at work. Oooo papa wort. Where wabbit. He’s on the TV. Where eyore? Where pooh? where Mramaw, where where where. For the love of God child I don’t know where every damn person is every second of the day!
  • Show me show me. Now to the untrained ear you would think he means show him something. No this means he is going to show ME something but he doesn’t understand saying show you yet so he says SHOW ME! Any time he wants something he says show me then grabs you and drags you to where he wants you then tells you loudly SIT DOWN CHAIR. You better sit your ass down too or all hell breaks loose!
  • Fwo up mommy Fwo up. This means mom, take this little teeny ass balloon and try not to push the baby out while you attempt to blow this shit up fast enough that I don’t get impatient and begin jumping up and down mad.

6 thoughts on “Life with a two year old

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