Because Emery made me Brave

Last week Emery so courageously spoke about the pimple she had in her nose. Which I found so shocking because I HAD THE SAME PIMPLE IN THE SAME PLACE! This week, I have a pimple on my ear. Actually it is right where my ear meets my head. It has been driving me nuts ALL DAMN DAY. And since I must pick at every little thing on my face I’ve been trying to pop it all day long. I finally succeeded just a second ago and that prompted me to come and ask all of you loyal blog readers where the strangest or most painful place that you’ve ever found a pimple is. Don’t be shy, feel free to share!

Misconception

Just to be clear, some of you have read my post down there about my terrific eating habits lately thinking I actually care what the doctor says. NOPE. Just to make it perfectly clear I don’t give a flying shit what that doctor says, I’m going to eat, get fat and be merry. So what if I have to go back on my diet after. If you all remember I loved my diet and lost weight very good. Soooo bring on the ice cream people the doctor can kiss my white jiggly ass!!!!

To prove this point I just ate a nice healthy 1360 calorie lunch and I don’t even feel bad about it!!!

Things that have been blowing my whole, hey I’m not going to gain any weight before my next doctors visit thing

  1. The box of double chocolate Pepperage Farm soft baked cookies on my counter.
  2. The blackberry milkshake I discovered at Jack In the Box last night (pure heaven)
  3. The bag of bagels on my counter
  4. The box of mini cheesecake bites in my refrigerator
  5. The taco bell that jumped in my car
  6. The McDonalds that also jumped in my car
  7. The visit to Williams Sonoma for cupcakes didn’t help
  8. The 3 Almond Roca that I found in my cart at Target

I’m doing good huh? That doctors not going to be able to tell me I’m fat!

Heartbreaking

Yesterday I decided to take Brandon to the doctor. He’s been throwing up about eleventy billion times a day for at least 4 weeks now. I know he isn’t sick so I thought we would research acid reflux. Rob and I got him to the doctor awake this time and he played in the waiting room and even walked into the back like a big boy. Then he got on the scale with out having a full melt down and even let her take his temperature. However when we started walking toward the actual examining room he stopped cold in his tracks, looked at me and said,

“NO I get hurt.”

Awww man it was the most heart wrenching thing I had ever heard. He knew that was where he got shots last time and he just broke my little heart.

I got him in the room and he actually let the doctor examine him with out crying (until the doctor started squishing his testicles but come on you would cry too right) and then I wanted to cry because my little boy was being so grown up.

In the end the doctor thinks that he does have acid reflux and gave us a months worth of samples for Previced to try and shrink his esophagus and stop the acid from boiling up. Hopefully this will help him, because as tired of throwing up he is, I’m just as tired of cleaning vomit off my carpet, bed, couch, body, and so on. Hope this helps the little guy!

For the love of gosh its finally over

SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Gosh awful horrible Ju Ju Be arrived yesterday. When they said it was big, they really meant THIS BAG IS GOING TO WEIGH MORE THEN YOUR NEW BORN CHILD. Seriously its huge.


Bag from the side, doesn’t seem huge in this picture but it is, also fabric seems like it would stain.


One enormous mother fucker. When I say this is big I mean big, to give you an idea it will not fit in the basket on my jeep jogging stroller, graco travel system stroller or ANY FUCKING STROLLER IN BABIES R US. I tried people, its that big of a bad mamajama


The inside of this thing was ridiculous. It had so many pockets they stopped being useful. There were pockets on the inside, the outside, the inside of the inside, pockets inside pockets and truthfully it looked like they just tried to see where they could shove a pocket. THEN! As if the bag itself wasn’t awful enough the company is worse. I wan to return the bag, in fact I was going to exchange it for the Besmall bag until I read their policy. Turns out that in order to return the asshole bag I have to email the company and request a return approval number. Then ONCE I finally receive that I can put it on the outside of the box and send it back. They don’t do exchanges. Instead I would have to order the new bag, thus carrying two balances on my card and then just wait around for the refund on the old bag. I have had it. I’m sending the bitch back and that company can suck it.

Finally I went back online and looked at the Fleurville sling tote. The first Goddamn bag I wanted from day one! I remembered there was a store here that sold them but they only had three in stock, a pink one, a black one and a light blue one. After much thought I realized that buying a simple plain blue bag would probably benefit me, as my husband is really not going to carry around a flowery foo foo bag. So I called the store and some young kid answered. I was looking at the bag online and asked what they cost in the store. He said $162.50. My exact response was, “are you fucking kidding me?” He laughed and asked why I said that. I told him that bag retails for $150.00 on Fleurvilles website. He said that since, they don’t sell them regularly (I bought it from a gardening store ???) and since I caught them over pricing them he would take 30% off! I was like SCORE! That came out to $48.00 off making the bag, $122.00 with tax. That is far cheaper then had I bought it for $150.00 online and then had to pay shipping. You can bet your ass I ran right over and got it. The bag came with a bottle warmer, stroller straps, a shoulder strap and a changing pad. I threw out the bottle warmer and changing pad and I was set.


Later I went to target and found this cute little bag for $10.00 and decided it would work perfect as a medicine bag.


See! I put all the meds, thermometers and such in the bag along with a smaller trial size, baby wash and lotion. It worked out perfect and I even have room for more in there.


Then I wandered over the the baby isle of Target and discovered they now sell Skip Hop there. Skip hope created a brand called, Spark by Skip hop that is basically the same bags as their high end ones just a little cheaper. So this little diaper caddy was only $16.99 as opposed to the $30.00 normal one. In fact they sell the Skip Hop diaper bag for only $29.99 which if I liked that bag seems like a super deal.


I liked this little diaper caddy because it had a space on the left where I could store two rows of Codis teeny tiny newborn diapers and then a spot on the right where I could store Brandons super duper size 4 diapers. Then I can fold a pack of wipes in the middle along with the changing pad that came with it and snap the bag shut. I thought this was a great idea. This way if I’m ever just running into a store I can simply just grab this bag out instead of the full diaper bag and later when Brandon is out of diapers I can store Codi’s diapers, wipes and medicines in here and have one small little pack to tote around with me. I really felt like a genius buying this.


Huh, what, newborns aren’t really that small are they?


Let me get this straight, Codi’s diaper is the size of my sausage hands.


BEHOLD THE BAG! See the nice neutral color, plus the plastic exterior that is so uber wipable (I think I made this word up) I wanted to spill stuff on it just for shits and giggles.


The mom pocket in front, has a pocket that is the perfect size for my wallet, then on that fits even my ultra over sized phone, plus a handy little carabeaner (spelled wrong, whatever you can figure out what I’m saying) hook for my keys. I packed the bag into two stores and I couldn’t believe how easy it was to reach in and grab my wallet, phone or keys.

I used the pocket on the bag to pack an extra shirt for Brandon along with a juice and some snacks.


The interior of the bag has four simple pockets and a bottle pocket. I used one to pack two burp cloths, one for some bibs, one for hats and socks an the other is still open. Then I was able to fit in two full changes of clothes including pants, shirt and jacket.


Then I stuck in the diaper caddy and the medicine


It also came with tote straps stuck inside of it.


Stroller straps.

And finally the whole thing even zips shut!

I can’t say enough about this bag. I just love it. I think I’m going to grow to love it even more as I have it. It fits perfect under a stroller and it wasn’t to heavy to carry and i didn’t get bothered by it going through the stores. It also has a very comfy shoulder strap on it. So this is my diaper bag recomendation!

COMMON SENSE

How is it, that last week my two year old son could manage to lock himself in the bathroom at work for a full 15 minutes screaming and crying and losing his mind until we could finally find something small enough to fit into the little hole in the door knob and unlock the door. Nothing we tried could get this kid to unlock the damn door.

However today when I’m at work with a full office and I go to the bathroom, he can somehow figure out how to unlock and open the door at least 43 times in the amount of time it takes me to pee? Please someone help me understand how he waited till I was the one naked on the toilet to figure out how to unlock the door and fling it wide open for the person in the office directly across from the toilet to see????????

Gee thanks son, I love for the world to try and watch my fumble around to wipe with my big ass belly and then struggle to pull up my maternity jeans.
Fuck I’m sexy.