Baby blue was the color of her eyes

Or the color of her crazy.

First of all let me start off saying after reading this post I’m sure you are all going to want to send me a bunch of rational reasonable reassuring comments. You should know in advance thought there is no rational when it comes the the baby blues. I’m extra lucky this time I know what the hell is going on with me and I know it only lasts about two weeks so as much as it’s fucking with my mind I am at least able to be amused by my own crazy this time instead of freaked the fuck out. So here you go. My baby blues so far.

  • My new baby sleeps 3-4 hour stretches. Wakes up, nurses and is back out. This is freaking me right out man. Brandon slept about ten minutes at a time and only on me. So since I’m used to that I am of course convinced something must be wrong with Codi, I mean a baby can’t possibly sleep this much. Even at night. He slept until 11:30, nursed, slept till 2:30, nursed and slept till 5ish nursed and just woke up at 7:30. WHAT THE FUCK! How on earth am I getting this much sleep?
  • Next. Since he sleeps so much and he only nurses on one side at feedings that means that one boob goes 5-6 hours with out being nursed on. I am now of course freaked out this will lower my milk supply so I’m counting the minutes till the breast pump rental place opens so I can run out and get one and start pumping before feedings. How was that for a run on sentence?
  • Brandon has been extra affectionate which leads me to believe he is feeling left out and unloved. Even though he is constantly saying I SO HAPPY and I love you mommy and I love you Codi I love you dada I’m still convinced he is unhappy. I can’t stop crying about this. I think he feels less loved or something.
  • Brandon now seems 5 years old to me and I’m sad that my little boy now seems so grown up. I feel like it all slipped by me.
  • I’m sleeping in the babies room right now so that I can make sure this child sleeps in his bed (read Brandon slept in my bed for about 15 months). This means I’m not in bed with my husband which makes me feel like an awful wife and that makes me cry. I know making Codi sleep in his crib is right but I feel like I’m now neglecting my husband.
  • Codi doesn’t blink much or follow my finger. I know week old babies don’t see well but I’m now convinced my son is blind.
  • Since he sleeps so much I’m convinced he is either sick or drugged up on my Motrin. I’m a terrible mom I should call the doctor because surely no baby sleeps this much.
  • Shit, my boobs are full and he’s sleeping. Yup my milk is going to dry right up.
  • I’m trying to eat healthy but I just want bread. No bread makes me cry.
  • Codi has a small diaper rash. Breastfed babies don’t get diaper rash unless something is wrong. So of course I’m now convinced my baby is allergic to me. This makes me cry.
  • Crying makes me cry.
  • Brandon goes to see my parents and then asks for mama. This makes me think he misses me. If he misses me he must not be getting enough time with me. I suck as a mom of two.
  • Seriously how much more can I fuuuhreak out about nursing. I think I need more water I’m not drinking enough. My breast pads are full, I’m losing to much milk because Codi sleeps to much. I can’t get the breast pump fast enough. Is pumping now going to lower my supply? Will pumping now give me to much of a supply? Why is the lactation consultant not at the hospital today? Why didn’t the La Leche girl answer her phone? Really really I’ve done this before why on earth am I so freaked out?

This is just a teeeeeeny tiny glimpse into the crazy I’m feeling right now! Jen and J. aren’t you excited for the baby blues? Jen you will have it worse because you are having a boy, therefor more hormones your body is losing!

How many blogs can I title Smartass?

Me: Brandon please don’t touch that put it down and be a goodboy

Brandon: Does nothing

Me: Brandon please

Brandon: Okay (puts it down, then one tiny index finger points out and touches the pepper shaker) ha ha I touch

Me: Brandon (said in sternish tone)

Brandon: (Raises same index finger to mouth) and says Shhshh

Reminds me of when I was little and someone would say don’t touch my food so you would reach out and touch it a bunch with one finger gleefully shouting TOUCH TOUCH TOUCH while the other person cries.


You mean you didn’t do that?

So what if I was a bully Shut up before I come touch your food.

One of those thankful type lists

  • I’m thankful I married a man who does dishes. So very very thankful.
  • I’m thankful my thermostat goes all the way to 75.
  • I’m thankful every time my son says belicious.
  • I’m thankful for laxative after a surgery (was that tmi)
  • I’m thankful for Wusthof knives
  • I’m thankful for a job where I can bring my son so he can ask me “whats that” 400 times a day and I have an excuse for not getting much done.
  • I’m thankful for chocolate
  • I’m thankful for a husband with very soft lips
  • I’m thankful my parents live close for days my son has gotten on my very last nerve
  • I’m thankful when my son comes home and missed me
  • I’m thankful that cream of wheat is low calorie
  • I’m thankful for my new ugly night time nursing bra (I wear it alllll day)
  • I’m thankful when my baby has a milk face I know my boobs are working
  • I’m thankful for bras that make me look like I’ve still got it after nursing two kids
  • I’m thankful for granny panties, damn they are comfy
  • I’m thankful that all I have to do to make my son happy is give him Cheetos and chocolate nilp
  • I’m thankful for cheese
  • I’m thankful for ramen with no meat products
  • I’m thankful for coffee
  • I’m thankful for sugar free creamer in my coffee
  • I’m thankful for McFlurrys all year round (m&m please)
  • I’m thankful for a husband that understands my crazy
  • I’m thankful for a baby who mostly sleeps (please don’t jinx myself please don’t jinx myself)
  • I’m thankful for a dad who can fix furnaces and ovens (and keep me warm even in the summer)
  • I’m thankful for a mom who handles the shit in my garden because I have black thumbs
  • I’m thankful my husband appreciates food
  • I’m thankful for butter
  • and fresh baked bread
  • I’m thankful for Tivo
  • I’m thankful for Rachael Ray and Paula Dean
  • I’m thankful for People Magazine (nice to know I’m not the only screw up in this world)
  • I’m thankful for my swiffer, really who wants to use a nasty ass mop
  • I’m thankful for my Dyson (and only half sad they didn’t sell the pink one when I bought mine)
  • I’m thankful for Salt City candles
  • I’m thankful for feather beds
  • and comforters
  • I’m thankful for my small feet and cute toes (really Paris Hilton with all that money and she can’t fix her feet)
  • I’m thankful for Matthew Mcconaughey’s accent (yes please)
  • I’m thankful for chocolate (wait did I already use that one)
  • I’m thankful for Prevacid (who likes puking hot acid while they are sleeping, hmmm)
  • I’m thankful for gas range ovens (if only mine had 6 burners and a fryolator and a new chrome fridge and was surrounded by marble counters)
  • I’m thankful for cameras so I can bug my husband taking pictures when he hasn’t styled his hair
  • I’m thankful for potatoes. Really is there anything better then a potato?

Hey Brandon

Dear son,
Although I’m excited you are turning into a budding chef I have to ask you to please not involve me in your potions. Fresh baked bread topped with softened real butter is not exactly what I want topping my fresh brewed cup of coffee. Thank you for understanding.

Love you,


Heidi tagged me for a meme, things that make me suspicious. At first I thought this would be easy because I’m suspicious of everything. But when I sat down and tried to write it, it totally wasn’t happening. So here you go the things that make me say hmmmm, or at least the ones I can think of now.

  • I have this idea that everyone has to have their house robbed once…therefor I’m basically suspicious anytime I’m alone in my house. ANYTIME!
  • Eggs. I mean what exactly are we eating. Is that not a little chicken? I mean when I got pregnant the first ultrasound showed a yolk sack. So when we eat eggs aren’t we just eating the equivalent of a 5 week old baby?
  • My Tivo. I’m sorry, but there is no tape, no dvd WHERE IN THE FUCK DOES IT RECORD TO??? Same with my damn answering machine. Where do they keep the messages.
  • When you think of watching an old movie and suddenly it is on TV. How did they know?????
  • Why is it some people are born with good metabolism and I got stuck with this shit? Seriously, most Asian women are tiny no matter what they eat. Why on earth can’t science find a way to take that gene from them and implant it into me.
  • How exactly did I just grow a little human in my body? This shit weirds me out!
  • How do spiders know when your alone? Seriously it seems like spiders only come out when I’m alone.
  • What in the hell is inside of area 51? Why why why can’t we just know already?
  • When the TV in my bedroom turns on at night.
  • Why do I always have to pee when it is dark out?
  • How does my son know to pick something up 30 seconds before I shout NO DON’T TOUCH THAT?
  • How can my son always remember where he hid his milk but he can’t remember not to jump on the fucking couch, throw his food and say shit?

K to lazy to link but I tag, Ginger (who is probably suspicious of things that will scare the shit out of me), stephanie, Sara and ummmmmmm Swistle (because I’m sure she is suspicious of some really great shit!)


I hate this

Look I still hate it

Hate it even more now. you can’t even move the towel so I can at least pee on you out of defiance? Gee thanks mom!

But at least now I smell all fresh and clean and my hair is soft and fluffy!

Wondering how it went

As some of you may have read I finally figured out how to shave down there before surgery. It looked all soft and baby smooth and when the nurse showed up to shave me she said I had done good enough and decided she didn’t have to. All though this time she did have some new fangled electric looking thingy she still wasn’t going to use shaving cream or anything. Anyway during the surgery they put some giant sticky cover over my whole stomach and legs so he knew exactly where to cut. When they peeled that off I think half of my skin went with it. However, from my not so stellar shaving techniques and the peeling off of the sticky stuff I now have little white ingrown hair bumps. At first I flipped out thinking I developed a rash then I realized what it was and now I’m just mad. I’m extra mad because I still have a little belly so it still isn’t the most accessible area. So now what do I do to fix this? How do I get rid of the bumpies (aside from poking them which provides hours of entertainment) and make sure they go away and everything else grows back in all pretty like?