So I’m baby sitting a little girl. I believe she is about five. She just announced she had to go to the bathroom. A little while later Brandon has to go too. He goes in my bathroom and since he had to pooh I knew I needed to grab some baby wipes. I walk into Codis room right next to the bathroom and puked in my mouth. Thats right. The little girl had pooped so bad I threw up in my mouth IN MY MOUTH!!!! Then I walked out in the hall and it had traveled all the way to my kitchen. I ran in to spray the bathroom and puked again. IT WAS THAT BAD!

So I tell Rob. OMG girl just pooped worse then any of yours. He was like “for reals?” I was like “worse then yours and my dads combined. In fact it smells like rotting sewage mixed with rotting fish mixed with puke mixed with the dump combined with asshole”. He was like, “wow, I’m impressed actually.” I was like “yeah babe, if she was a guy, she would be sooooo much cooler then you!”

Because, you know, men judge how cool they are by how awful their shit smells, and how long their turds are.