No pasta for you

I was going to come on here and dazzle you all with photos of the amazing pasta I made for dinner last night.

That was before Brandon put his plate in the sink and turned on the water to rinse his plate flooding my pan of fresh hot steaming basil pasta with water.

(See his tiny plate there in the corner)

((Also, I felt like the carb Gods were telling me I’m getting pudgy again and to lay off the pasta)


However, behold, my very first attempt at scallops with a spicy mayo sauce. Rob said they were actually really good, and tasted like his favorite sushi.

Shannon on skinny jeans


Most people look at skinny jeans and think fashion. And, while I do think they are the ugliest fashion choice a person can make, that is never what I actually think when I see them. Aside from looking absofuckinglutly ridiculous, all I ever think is..
Fuck, that must really hard on whatever guy is trying to have sex with her! I mean, at what point does the guy say, “fuck this I’m not horny enough to keep trying to tugg these fuckers off!”

I mean really, just look at them. Tell me stopping to peel your jeans off you wouldn’t be a total mood killer!

Yes, I see jeans and I think sex, whatever, isn’t that normal? Don’t we all think about sex every 3.7 seconds or something?

Yeah, I’m that mom

I’m that mom who woke up to pack her sons very first ever school lunch.
It was being packed, because he was having his first ever field trip, on only his second day of pre-school. They were taking a trip to the planetarium to see the stars.
I’m the mom, who thinks, hey, his first lunch, on a trip to see stars, well then this obviously makes sense!
And he ate every bite!

The hole in my lip

Below is a picture of my brand new dress. It cost me $4.99. What a steal huh. It came complete with boob stains and all. What isn’t pictured is the milk stains. You see, last week I went to run some errands. I was hotter then shit hence the boob stains. Then, since I wasn’t with Codi and it had been a few hours I looked down and noticed that not only was I leaking milk, the milk was leaking so bad it was actually DRIPPING out of my dress and all down the front of my dress. It was at the exact moment where the dripping milk and boob sweat meshed together that I had to walk into the Apple store and explain to them that between my two year old and my 6 month old my computer suddenly stopped holding a charge and was less brigth white and more, Grey.
Then I got hungry. My cousin offered to get me a sandwich. Since I was still running around and in a hurry I decided to eat and drive. Hence the guacamole stain on my dress.

The worst part is, I’m allergic to any fruit with a pit, including avocado. Meaning I spent the rest of the day in total pain making me that much more pissed over the stain. Pain + stain = Very fucking mad!

Here is a picture of my teeny tiny tomato. I think he’s cute. I have jalapenos and bell peppers and peas and so on. Brandon loves to point to the jalapenos, declare them HOT and then say, those are daddies. I find it funny.


(Insert photo of laundry clusterfuck here)
Yeah, I was so mad about the mess I found in the dryer yesterday I didn’t even get my camera. I bought two new dresses with strings that tie around the neck. I tossed em in the laundry and opened it to find EVERY! SINGLE! FUCKING! piece of clothing somehow strung together in one massive knot. The best part was when my husband walked by and said, “thats pretty funny”. I felt like cutting the waistbands off every pair of underwear he owned. One tank top was so fucked up and tangled that when I got it out the right strap was 2 goddamn inches longer then the left one from being twisted so badly. On pair of shorts some how got so tied up in the clusterfuck they were permanently wrinkled. So wrinkled they laughed at my iron, and laughed harder at my spray starch stuff. It took me a good 8 minutes to untangle that shit! EIGHT MINUTES PEOPLE!

Also not pictured is me spending 4 minutes in the parking lot trying to figure why in the zombie fucks sake I could not open my husbands car door. It had nothing to do with the fact that I was clicking the remote for my car. I’m almost positive that wasn’t the problem. It also had nothing to do with me jamming MY car key into HIS door hole. Pretty fucking brilliant this one is.

And, if I wasn’t messy enough, while visiting this weeks farmers market I picked up a Pluot took a bite and this shit happened.

So if the floor looked like that, take a guess what the front of my shirt looked like. Also, my manicured toes were covered in sticky shit for the remainder of the day. As compensation I purchased, cauliflower, salmon, scallops, leeks, raspberries, strawberries, white nectarines, pluots, beets and whole wheat garlic pasta! I’m eating like a queen.

Or, a queen with a massive fucking hole in her lip!

Be back soon

My beloved computer is paying a visit to the Apple hospital. She is having a problem with her battery. Something about a small 6 month old baby chewing on her cord and then shorting the battery board gizmo. As soon as her new parts come in I will be back with some good blog, including pictures…and boob sweat!

PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING


THERE ARE SO MANY DAYS I WAKE UP WONDERING….WHY ON EARTH DID MY HUSBAND MARRY ME. I LOOKED LIKE A COW WHO HAD JUST EATEN A HORSE.

ANYWAY, IN CASE ANY OF YOU ARE READING, AND WONDERING HOW I DID IT. OR YOU INTERESTED IN LOSING WEIGHT, THE RIGHT WAY…THE HEALTHY WAY, SHOOT ME AN EMAIL OR A COMMENT. I WANT NOTHING MORE THEN TO HELP PEOPLE LEARN A BETTER WAY OF EATING AND LIVING, BECAUSE, I DON’T THINK ANYONE SHOULD EVER HAVE TO LOOK BACK AND WONDER THE SHIT I WONDER.

THAT TOP PIC WAS TAKEN THE WEEKEND AFTER I GOT MARRIED. I’M EMBARRASSED AND ASHAMED EVERY TIME I SEE IT. JUST KNOW, I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH AND RESPECT IT. DON’T BE AFRAID TO REACH OUT AND JUMP ON THE WEIGHT LOSS BANDWAGON!

In which I get myself in big trouble

Last night I had a date to go see Stephanie. We planned to go for a quick walk and what not. I was running late because I had to do something for my husband. In the end I just took his car. His freshly washed and detailed car. I text Steph asking if she wants some coffee and she says yes.

This is where it all goes down hill. See there is a Starbucks right down the street from both our houses. But, it isn’t a drive through. Codi was super mad last night so I didn’t feel like dragging him into the coffee shop then trying to carry his car seat and two coffees out. I decide I’ll just drive one more street away to the drive through Starbucks. I grab the coffees and head down that street towards her street. At this point I have no clue if the street I’m on actually goes to her house so I jokingly text her,

“I’ll be there as soon as I get unlost”

I wasn’t really lost because I know this area like the back of my hand. So I keep driving. All of these roads are stupid long so I’m driving along listening to a good song when I get this message,

“Where are you lost?”

I reply,

“I’m at a dead end”

Seems they are still doing construction so they haven’t made the road I was on connect to her road yet. At this point I’m sitting there staring at a dirt road. A road that I know leads to her house. BUT! I’m in my husbands freshly washed detailed car. You know his BLACK CAR! So I’m sitting there having a conversation in my head and it goes like this, “Shannon don’t drive on that dirt, you will get in trouble. Big trouble. Rob will be soooo mad if you get his just washed car dirty. ” But then as I’m saying these thing I look down and realize my feet apparently got a mind of their own and with out even realizing it I’m driving on a dirt road.

I AM IN SOOO MUCH TROUBLE!

So. I keep driving. Only I miss the road that connects to her house and end up about 5 MILES AWAY on a whole new road. I call her and tell her and shes just laughing her ass off. I finally make it to her house with cold coffee and a pissed off kid. I showed her the dirty vehicle and we were like okay it’s cool it is early enough that after the walk you can just run to the drive through car wash and never get caught.

We set of on our quick walk. An hour and a half and 3 miles later we made it back. It was really fun and we talked and talked and talked. The best part was when we started comparing notches in the wall, and crazy shit we did in high school. We were totally one upping each other with cheating escapades. I don’t remember exactly but I think I won that one. We continued chatting and I went inside to hang out with her and Eli. He had cooked some tacos and if I ate meat I would have eaten the whole pan because it smelled great. I finally fed Codi and even asked for some water. In fact, I took my shoes off put my feet up on the couch and relaxed.

This meant though that by the time I left it was way to late to rewash the husbands car so I had no choice but to go park it and wait to get in trouble.

I’m getting better people. I think something changed in me when I went to Oregon, and I sat down on the floor with Jen and drank water out of regular glasses at restaurants and went walking after dark. I’m slowly getting better. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders financially, and personally things are getting better. My friends read my blog and they all saw what I was saying and reached out. Ginger knew I wanted to spend time hiking and seeing the side of my down I forgot about. So she took me hiking, and has agreed to go eat at some fun little places with me. Katie read my post whining about lack of fresh food here in Reno and promptly took me to our Saturday market. It was amazing and I loved it and got some of the best food I’ve had in years. Stephanie saw that I was still unhappy with my weight and said she would go walking with me after work, late at night when everyone else is settling down for the day.

My husband has probably helped the most. He’s been walking with me after work, going on hikes, letting me try brave new things in the kitchen and just being extra supportive of me. While I was hiking with ginger and shopping with Katie and smelling the pine trees and seeing the abundance of food I was reminded of why I love this town. Next weekend I’ve got my mom convinced to go to Tahoe with me. I can’t wait. I miss Lake Tahoe so much. I haven’t gone much because it is cold, or I was pregnant, or I had fears of taking my baby to a lake. With water. Where he could drown. But now I’m okay. I want my kids to grow up like me, appreciating our town. I can’t wait for Tahoe. I’m already mentally packing a picnic in my head, and lamenting about the sunburn I will get.

I’m glad I had this blog. I think if I had never been brave enough to reach out on this blog and talk about everything, the people in my life would have never known I needed help. Now, I’m surrounded by crazy love, and having a great time, and in the end, I feel like I owe it soley to this blog.

Some day, when I post about the other huge changes in my life, I’ll tell you how my parents have played one of the largest rolls of all in saving me. But, I’ve given you enough to read for one day.

Just know I’m getting better, and sillier, so expect a lot of retarded Shannon is an idiot posts to come!