Things I’ve learned from Craigslist

I’m searching for some new furniture on Craigslist for my big move coming up. Among the things I’ve been browsing, a new kitchen table with more then 4 chairs, a king bedroom set with an actual headboard and more then one dresser, and a couch and over sized chair with ottoman. NO I don’t want to buy ALL of these things, unless each thing is selling for about $100.00. I’m basically looking and which ever one I find first wins. All of my furniture was bought when I was 13-18 years old needless to say the vast majority of it is pretty old, or just not keeping up with my current style. FYI the theme in my house is “nothing matches” so I’m not even being really particular, I just want something newish, comfy, well taken care of, and something that will actually last a while. I’ve learned a few things while browsing Craigslist.

1. “Comfy” anything is code for, this item is an old ragged piece of shit that is probably sagging in the middle.

2. “Very nice” means, sure, it was very nice, back in 1976!

3. “Antique means” This was probably made in 1980 but if I write “antique” more people will open my link.

4. “Really new”, also found in variations of, “like new”, “hardly used”, and “only sits in guest room”, this means it will be outdated, dusty, and funny looking.

5. “modern” means NO ONE is going to buy this and the rest of the world is going to wonder what the fuck you were thinking when you bought that

6. “Great condition” means they are posting a picture of the couch with out the giant rip in it

7. They only have furniture you are not looking for. Seriously I’ve found 5980836 queen, twin, full size beds and not one fucking king size furniture set.

8. If you happen to be looking for an armoir big enough to hold your TV, just stop your TV is to big. You over there, yours might fit, but, probably not because that would be to fucking easy and make you too happy!

9. If it looks grey, it’s really blue. If it looks brown, thats probably dirt. If it looks green, it’s probably mold, and no, those are cute little dots, it’s probably mouse shit!

10. If they list it as “must sell” thats because NO ONE WANTS TO BUY IT!

3 thoughts on “Things I’ve learned from Craigslist

  1. I thought \”must sell\” was code for \”I am out of dope and need some money to get some NOW\”. Hubs went to look at a boat with my step dad a couple months ago and the guy said it had some sun damage on the seats. They drove the two hours out there only to find that \”minor sun damage\” to one person actually looks like an attack of vicious predators to the rest of the world. What a friggin waste.


  2. HA, I considered writing a post like this when I was posting personal ad\’s on there…you know, except instead of words people used to sell furniture, it was words people used to sell themselves!


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