Did I ever tell you guys about that one really bad sunburn I got a few years ago? You know the one that made me extra intelligent? No? Well let me! A few years back I went to the lake. I came back so burned I might as well have been purple. The problem was this left me with a stupid peeling face. I’ve always been that girl who picked the dead skin off and then got mad at the spots of different colored non burned skin that was hiding under the peel. Every year I did that. But this year my whole face was peeling all the way into my hair line, and suffice it to say, I WAS PISSED.

I sat at work pondering what to do for hours. I would get up look in the bathroom mirror, get irritated with the skin and walk away. Then I would pout at my desk for a bit and then start the process over. Finally I saw the answer to it all. I work for a heating company which means we have lots of duct tape laying around. I grabbed a big roll took off to the bathroom and went to town. Had you been a fly on the wall you would have seen me in there pulling off face size strips of tape smashing them onto my face and then peeling them off as if I was getting an eyebrow wax. DEAD SKIN BE GONE!

If you had been a fly on the wall about five minutes later you would have heard me screeching in pain from pulling skin of that wasn’t ready to come off. Now, all the sensitive burned skin was just sitting there unprotected and ON FUCKING FIRE. So, I wisely slathered some lotion on.

OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD!

I wanted to die. The pain was awful. Just awful! Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse it did. The new fresh skin that was no longer burned but just sensitive ended up getting burned a few days later creating new peeling skin on top of old peeling skin and essentially 3 different skin tones. The jackass part is that my stupid self seriously went back in, duct taped my face off and repeated the same fucking excruciating pain!

This year I’m staring at the peeling skin saying fuck it, you can stay there forever because if I even touch one little piece I know I’ll be back in that bathroom with the fucking duct tape, and people, the idea of baby nails scraping freshly ripped off skin….well, it doesn’t sound fun.