Where have you been?

In a nut shell I’ve been here, guzzling Robitussin straight from the bottle. I’m hardcore fool! I’ve been six since three years ago, I mean like a week ago but fuck it feels like forever. You know, I think there should be a rule that moms can’t get sick! Because moms don’t ever get to stop. Lets say I take the day off work for being sick, fine, but I’m still being a mom to Codi right? It’s not fair. Moms should only be able to get sick when their kids are old enough to both go to school so if she takes a day off she can just sleep and eat ice cream all day and not change poopy diapers and what not.

On another note. I didn’t get any sort of sleep Sunday night because I was consumed with a wet spot in my bed. It was up near my shoulder so it wasn’t pee, it wasn’t baby pee, it wasn’t breast milk because my shirt was dry, it was to low to be drool WHAT IN THE FUCK WAS IT?

Last night I knew what it was. Codi was coughing so hard he puked. On me. And my bed. But. Not on himself. I was so fucking tired I threw a blanket over it and called it good. This morning, I’m thinking maybe I should go do something about that mess.

I went out for my cousins birthday. I wore a dress. And mascara. And jewelry. And now I think I need to sit down and breath because I just had heart palpitations thinking of the abnormality of it all. We went to dinner at Dolce. It was mediocre. The highlight of the night was the Parmesan potatoes. They were a layer of potatoes, topped with a great pesto, the topped with a Parmesan crispy thing. Layer and repeat. The rest of the meal was, mehh. The tomatoes were not as fresh as I’m used to, the balsamic on the capresé was, old tasting and the Primevera pasta tasted like old rotting mushrooms. You know how mushrooms start to taste fishy when they are too old. I was actually disappointed because the menu had great promise. I would maybe go back, and just eat mashed potatoes all night.

Later that night we went to the club and the guys met us there. Lisa’s husband knows I don’t drink so when he went to the bar to buy drinks for all the girls he bought me a diet coke. It was actually really nice because most people just forget about me all together and I end up waiting back in line to buy my non alcoholic beverage. Either way, it was really nice that he grabbed me something and I didn’t even ask. Us girls were dressed pretty cute. You know, ever since I lost all this wait I have this sick desire to run into just one of my ex boyfriends. Last time they all saw me I was nearing 205 pounds and pretty fucking ugly. Dammit, why can’t I bump into just one of them now that I’m thin again? I’ve lived in this town a long fucking time how do I go to the club and not see a single guy I used to know so I could make him swoon.

I did run into my friend Sharilee. It was actually kind of funny because I only noticed her because I was busy checking her out. My husband and I were talking about how great that girl was dancing and I was all, “psssh forget the dancing look at her ass.” Suddenly my husband was like, “uuuuh isn’t that your friend?” It was! After seeing her dance I immediately made a vow to go no where near the dance floor that night as to not embarrass myself. When I used to drink I didn’t have any rhythm, BUT I THOUGHT I DID. Now that I don’t drink I’m hyper aware of my lack of rhythm and my ummm non lack of cottage cheese thighs. So, if you see me at the club I’m probably standing waaaaaay over there, looking like I’m way to cool for the club. In reality though, the club with its tiny skirts and tiny asses, and good dancers is way to cool for Shannon!

Le dress, with mascara, and jewelry, and tan line!

13 thoughts on “Where have you been?

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