I’m an over wiper. Yes I said it. I like to make sure I do a good job wiping. Which is why at least once a week I reach down to get in a really good wipe and,


I find my hand touching the toilet water. The toilet water I just peed in. Don’t you hate it when that happens?

That doesn’t happen to you?


Well then I digress.

Yesterday my cousin Lisa and I went to visit Ben n Jerrys. We were enjoying some ice cream when I decided I had to pee. I trotted off to the bathroom and mid walk my Iphone beeped in my pocket. So I pulled it out and started reading an email from my new pal Katie. I pee, wipe and flush.

I said flush.

Nope. This toilet doesn’t flush. Seems it hadn’t for a while because tons of toilet paper is now swirling around. The mom in me kicks in and I reach next to the toilet, grab the plunger and go to work. About 40 seconds into my plunging I freeze and realize I AM PLUNGING BEN N JERRYS TOILET.

What the fuck was I thinking?

I dropped the plunger ran out and mumbled something about the toilet not flushing. Then I hauled ass back in there realizing I hadn’t washed my hands.

How embarrassing is that? What kind of person plunges a public places toilet when they didn’t even plug it?

I’m an ass!

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