I just walked out to the garage to get in the fridge. I wanted a diet 7-Up. The garage fridge is located 1.5 feet away from the last known location of BIG MOTHER FUCKING SPIDER. Normally when I go out I hop down half a step, lean around to the fridge and reach in. Then I run back in the house before any spiders get me.
However. Tonight the soda box was new so I had to punch the little thingy to get it open. Which meant standing near the fridge for an extended period of time (read 14 seconds). So I punch it open and pull and the soda can rolls out.
IT ROLLS OUT RIGHT UNDER THE TOOL TABLE WHERE BIG MOTHER FUCKER SPIDER LIVES!!!!
I am not freaking the fuck out because I don’t want to just leave a stupid soda rolling around. So fast as lightening I reach under the table and I swear I felt harry spider legs crawling on me. I go to pull my arm out and that is when I cracked my elbow right in that spot. You know the not so funny when you hit this bone, bone? SO now, I’m whining, freaking the shit fuck out, trying to run in the house, trying not to shake up my soda any more, I stub a toe, nearly ram my head into the door because I don’t try to actually open the fucker before I attempt to go barreling through it. I finally make it in, slam the door, lock it (because the lock will keep the spiders out) and run all the way across the house to the safety of my living room.
Only now, I swear to shit there are 50 fucking spiders crawling on my shit.
I can’t stop itching.
GET THEM OFF.