I just walked out to the garage to get in the fridge. I wanted a diet 7-Up. The garage fridge is located 1.5 feet away from the last known location of BIG MOTHER FUCKING SPIDER. Normally when I go out I hop down half a step, lean around to the fridge and reach in. Then I run back in the house before any spiders get me.
However. Tonight the soda box was new so I had to punch the little thingy to get it open. Which meant standing near the fridge for an extended period of time (read 14 seconds). So I punch it open and pull and the soda can rolls out.
IT ROLLS OUT RIGHT UNDER THE TOOL TABLE WHERE BIG MOTHER FUCKER SPIDER LIVES!!!!
I am not freaking the fuck out because I don’t want to just leave a stupid soda rolling around. So fast as lightening I reach under the table and I swear I felt harry spider legs crawling on me. I go to pull my arm out and that is when I cracked my elbow right in that spot. You know the not so funny when you hit this bone, bone? SO now, I’m whining, freaking the shit fuck out, trying to run in the house, trying not to shake up my soda any more, I stub a toe, nearly ram my head into the door because I don’t try to actually open the fucker before I attempt to go barreling through it. I finally make it in, slam the door, lock it (because the lock will keep the spiders out) and run all the way across the house to the safety of my living room.
Only now, I swear to shit there are 50 fucking spiders crawling on my shit.
I can’t stop itching.
GET THEM OFF.
misguidedmommy.com 
We must share a gene or something. Hate. those. bitches.
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P.S. Glad you survived.
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HAHAHAHHAHA, I DO THIS SHIT ALL THE TIME, AND ZACH THINKS I HAVE LOST IT… I feel shit crawling on me like hours afterwards….. so true…. thank god someone else is nutso, like me!
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Hysterical. I laughed out loud as I have had an eerily similar experience.
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You KILL me, and sound JUST like me with spiders. God I hate those things!
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eeeeeewwwwwwwGod, I HATE spiders!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I hate spiders!!! I would have done the same exact thing as you…except I might have yelled at Dave to come get the soda from where the big spider lived because I really wouldn\’t have taken the chance of meeting him at his front door 🙂
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I probably would have gotten pissed and thrown the soda can!
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uh…why didnt\’ you send hubs out to retrieve can later and just get another outta the fridge? :)Did you look in your hair? I think I see one crawling on it…hehehehehe
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A couple weeks ago I was listening to the radio on the way to work and they were having people call in to tell their stories of when shit went really wrong while you were doing something normal (ie Cindy McCain sprained her wrist shaking someones hand). This story of yours would have made a great call-in…
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