I took Brandon to school this morning to discover a sign outside his classroom with a sign up sheet for their Halloween party on Friday. I was THRILLED because I have been dying to make something for his class for a party. However then I looked closer and discovered that the only things left to bring were fruit, juice boxes and chips and crackers. I don’t want to buy juice boxes because..NOT FUN AND/OR CRAFTY. I thought about doing cute little fruit cabobs with yogurt dip in little cups (shit I shoulda done that), but for some reason I signed up for chips and crackers. How unfun is that?

So oh wise internet do you have any ideas on fun chip and cracker things (with maybe some cheese)? I was thinking of getting cute little Halloween theme muffin cups and putting stuff in those BUT WHAT? Is there something rad I can CREATE out of crackers? Dammit I know Martha Steward would have some super great way of taking crackers, olives and chives and turning it into bats and cats and ghosts oh my BUT. AM. NOT. MARTHA. STEWART!

HELP ME INTERNET WHAT DO I MAKE!!!! I WANT TO ROCK THAT PARTY!

Last week in a moment of sleepless deprivation I called my pediatrician to find out if I could take Melatonin an herbal supplement for sleeping, while nursing. The nurse said no, because herbal supplements are not regulated and there is insufficient evidence on their effects on babies. I said okay and before I hung up she told me I could take Tylenol PM. I was so confused because that has Benadryl in it which this very same nurse has told me over and over I can’t take while nursing since it will dry up breast milk. She said reason one is that it is a much lower dosage then a benadryl pill and two, I would only be taking one, every few nights and not taking them every four hours for allergies.

I bought some and stared at it all weekend. Finally last night I took the recommended dose and before I knew it I was out flat on my ass. At 2am Codi woke up puking. By 5am when I had changed my sheets, and put 3 different towels on my bed due to puking I gave up, swaddled him and took him downstairs to sleep on me. I really worried that my single dose of Tylenol PM had somehow upset his stomach. We had tried some baby food and yogurt yesterday but it was so early in the day I didn’t think it was that, especially because the vomit was white.

HOWEVER!

He just made a noise out of his butt that sounded like he was squirting the last drops of ketchup out of his ass. Or exactly how it sounds when you try and get that last bit of conditioner out. Then he immediately started giggling. And then I passed flat out from the stench. It smelled like dog shit, sewage, and lamb all together. (I hate lamb, nothing smells worse then lamb to me). I went in to the bathroom to change him and as I took down the diaper the poop went rolling out of the diaper into his footie jammies AND out onto the changing table. I called for my mom to come pull his arms out of his jammies so I could get them away from him because the more he wiggled the more he got covered in liquid yellow death poop.

At that moment the guy in our office loudly wondered if he had stepped in dog shit. Nope, just my kid. I cleaned him up. Grabbed the diaper, outfit and changing pad cover and ran them all outside. It has been almost 20 minutes and we can all still smell it. He still smells (I think he needs a bath in the office sink), the shop smells, everything smells and I’m now convinced he obviously didn’t like the new food he tried yesterday. He is however totally thrilled with himself and still laughing 20 minutes later. I thought the massive diaper explosions stopped somewhere in the 3rd month.

I have to go now, I need to locate a gas mask.

HEAD OVER TO THE FOOD BLOG TO CHECK OUT MY CONTEST AND ENTER TO WIN SOME FABULOUS HOME MADE TREATS AND A LITTLE SOMETHING ELSE!

I just wanted to remind everyone while you are buying your Halloween candy to make sure you have a peanut free option in there, Hersheys, or Starburst or anything sans nuts and nutbutters!

I would have a better post for you this morning but I have been up late with an 11 month old projectile vomiting OUT OF HIS NOSE!

I also don’t think I should blog while I am this angry. I had the pleasure of witnessing one of my family members doing probably the rudest thing possible this weekend and my anger is….well OBVIOUS!

Finally, my cousin Angie got married this weekend and she looked fucking hot you guys. Her husband pretty much bawled during the whole ceremony which totally made me bawl. During the reception she actually thanked me for starting the Tummy Tuck. I was pretty thankful too because I looked pretty darn great myself in my brand new stiletto heels! Anyway, she looked so good, the night was awesome and I can’t wait to see all of the pictures!

Also I broke a cardinal rule this weekend. I THREW AWAY A PURSE. A hot pink clutch to be exact. I had gone and bought two pairs of shoes and a clutch to go with my hot little party dress for my birthday this weekend. Then! In a rush to get ready for the wedding this weekend I just reached in the bag and grabbed both pairs of shoes out of their boxes. I tossed in other bags and random trash from my room and set it out for my husband to take to the trash. At 6am this morning the trash guys came. At 7am this morning I realized my fucking purse was probably being compacted at that very moment.

What kind of monster throws away a purse A HOT PINK ONE AT THAT!

Via text message:

Lisa: I have some halves of cookies for you

Shannon: Okay

Lisa: They have some bites out of them

Shannon: um okay

Lisa: There are some bites taken out of them, I think a moose got ahold of them

Shannon: A moose huh?

Lisa: Yeah, they were pretty big bites, he really wanted to taste them

Shannon: For safety reasons right

Lisa: Yeah, safety reasons, that’s right

A MOOSE!!!!!!! NICE ONE LISA!

I haven’t posted about this yet because, I guess I just did not feel ready. After two and a half years I finally drank. Yes you read right I finally did it. It was my husbands 30th birthday and I had some drinks. I can’t even begin to tell you how long I thought about it in the weeks leading up to his birthday. Everyday I found myself wondering what I should do. I wasn’t being forced to drink, no one brought it up, but in my mind, it was an issue. Somehow I just didn’t feel like I could celebrate his birthday with this huge giant massive party and then not drink. I had a sitter lined up for my kids, we were home and safe with no driving, why could I not have a drink?

I was most worried that I would hate myself the next day, and I did, but only because I had a raging hang over. I felt nothing about the alcohol itself. I was not angry, I didn’t feel like I had quit or given up or given in, I felt like I had made a well thought out decision and I did it in a mature way.

Since then (August 30th) I have drank two more times. Once, at dinner with my parents and Rob, while we had a baby sitter (the night my little cousin ran away) I had a single glass of wine, and once two weeks ago when Ginger came over I had a glass of wine and 4 oz of amaretto while we played games.

So. Three drinks in 2.5 months is not bad. However I can’t help but feeling like a raging alcoholic. I notice that I find myself thinking about it more too. Like last night, I was in the kitchen cooking up this big beef tenderloin and making these awesome potatoes (I will link em tonight) and I thought, well this is a totally normal time to have a drink. It is winter, I’m cooking whats wrong with a little spiked hot apple cider? I talked to a friend about it and she said it was funny I said that because her dad always tells her, that those times, in the kitchen cooking those “meals of love” type meals, is one of the hardest times for him too. So. I decided not to drink. Instead I ate my weight in left over boiled potatoes as I finished cooking. I figured I needed to put something in my mouth to preoccupy it from liquor. My husband of course had other ideas of what I coulda put in my mouth, something about having his own beef tenderloin if I wanted it.

My birthday is coming up in 7 days and again this year I have tickets to the Fantasies in Chocolate. This year, I want to drink though. The last two years I have passed up the chocolate martinis and chocolate shots and free champagne and this year, I wonder if, on my birthday a few drinks would be okay.

What I am now wondering though is, am I simply looking for excuses to drink? Or is it perfectly normal to want to have a drink on your birthday? Is having a glass of wine one night a month with family okay, or is it just looking to drink?

I want to be strong enough to become a social drinker again. I want to stop having that over my head. The constant stigma of being “that girl who doesn’t drink.” I want to stop being uncomfortable in situations where everyone else drinks but me. Last night, we happened to have some half and half in the fridge so my husband made a White Russian. I found myself hating him. I was angry that he could just sit down and have a drink and have it be nothing but a drink. I’m sure that it wasn’t him I should have been mad at, it is my own fault I can’t drink but still, I was mad.

Of course the biggest reason I don’t drink is because of Codi. What kind of mom would I be if I sat around drinking all the time when I had a baby to feed? While I’m sure one or two drinks a month is acceptable I find myself wondering, IS IT REALLY ACCEPTABLE? Or am I just telling myself it is. And what happens when one or two drinks a month turns to one or two a week?

Also. One of the hardest parts about all of this is the looks you get when you drink. Some people tend to over emphasize the IT’S OKAY TO HAVE A DRINK SHANNON, and other people look at my like OMG THE ALCOHOLIC IS AT IT AGAIN.

I don’t know why I want to drink on my birthday, I just do. I keep thinking, It’s my party I’ll drink if I want to. I guess this year I don’t want to sit around and watch everyone else having fun while I’m sitting over there obviously not in on the joke and going to be 3 hours earlier because I don’t have the alcohol fueling me.

So what do YOU think? Is it possible to become a normal drinker again? Am I pushing it by wanting to have some chocolate martinis? Will I be a horrible mother if I have some drinks on my birthday? Guide me oh wise Internet.

Last night my husband spent the better part of the evening looking for his camera. We looked everywhere. By the end of the night Rob was getting a little frustrated and I was wondering where on earth a camera could go in such a short time. This morning I found the camera. I think we should do some investigating.

The scene of the crime

I think, based on deductive reasoning I can make a pretty good judgment on where the camera was. You see minutes before the camera was spotted this was the scene in my house.

Sigh. My son is in school. When he started he was in the 2-3 year old class. I loved his teacher. LOVE! I still love her and when it was time to transition him up to the next class I found myself wishing that teachers would transition with their class too. His new teacher is, um, cold, and always angry and always on the defensive. Since day one I have been afraid of her. I feel like when I say hi, even her reply of, “hi” is attacking and scary and MEAN. You know, those people who just look mean. Anyway. The point is, in Brandons last class he was good. So good in fact that the teachers were all stunned he had never been in school before. I went to time out maybe once a week but barely even then.

Fast forward to now when I found out the other day that my son is in time out at least TWO TIMES A DAY EVERY DAY. The most disturbing part is that I only found out because my mom picked him up and when she arrived he was in time out. My mom inquired about how often he goes to time out, to which the teacher casually mentioned he is always in time out. Obviously being his mother, she didn’t feel like I needed to know this. Makes perfect fucking sense to me. The next day I inquired and in a very attacking way as if I was questioning her authority she let me know that Brandon likes to hold other kids or grab toys from them. Fine, yes that is bad, but shouldn’t I have been told so I could talk to him?

After she said that, my mom, husband, dad and I all talked to Brandon and guess what THE PROBLEM STOPPED. However yesterday after he promised me he wouldn’t go to time out, he went to time out twice. My husband picked him up and when we got home he told me to ask Brandon why.

Me: Brandon why did you go to time out
Brandon: Um I go to time out cuz I go potty
Me: Huh
Brandon: I just go potty so I go to time out.

I looked at my husband who replied, “that is true, they were outside playing and Brandon went inside to go potty with out asking someone.”

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

This woman put my child in time out for fucking going pee? I can understand that kids aren’t supposed to go inside alone, but I also know that in the amount of time it would have taken him to go talk to her he probably would have peed his pants. I know my kid I know that sometimes he plays until the last second and before I know it Brandon is hauling ass to the bathroom and there are times he lets a little pee out before he even sits down. I was bothered by this and went to bed thinking about it. It didn’t help that my husband said he went in time out again for not listening. Not listening about what?

This morning I went in and talked to his teacher. Before I even opened my mouth she was on the defensive. I asked about the potty time out. She said all the kids know they can’t come inside alone. I asked her if he had been in trouble for this before. She said no. I was kind of shocked. I was stunned she would put him in time out for a first offense. Then I said, well, you know, the way he relayed it he was put in time out for going potty. She tried to tell me that she explained to him that he was in time out for not asking to go in. Which is fine if she says that but I know that the exact words my kids said are “I go in time cuz I go potty.” I told her I was slightly worried this would make him just pee his pants outside instead of asking to come in since he now related that with time out.

Next I asked about the not listening. She said him and a bunch of other kids were going down the slides backwards so they all went to time out. I was stunned. Because he played follow the leader he got punished. So I finally say, “you know I’m just confused because my kid had no problems in the other class. Is something different here, because to me this seems like excessive time outs.” At this point the teacher got very agitated and went on about how her class was more structured, she start using hand gestures to punctuate her point which I find insulting and angry. Basically is sounded like no matter what these kids were all going to go to time out every day. In fact the last four times I’ve gone in she was putting someone in time out INCLUDING TODAY. Today a little girl screamed and she went to time out. The teacher wasn’t nice either she just YELLED “_______ in time out now.”

I walked out of there feeling like nothing was accomplished and feeling like by asking about my son I was probably getting him in more trouble. I read somewhere that if a preschool teacher doesn’t like the parent they will take it out on the kid. While I”m always overly friendly now because of this, I get the feeling that this teacher hates my questions and in turn is overly mean to Brandon. I stopped and talked to the other teacher who is in that class part time. She assured me the main teacher likes Brandon. However she agreed that time outing him for going potty was a little odd. She also totally understood that it was bad for Brandon to think he went to time out for going potty. This teacher responded to me kindly, in a nice voice with an understanding smile.

I don’t know what to do now. In his last class when I had questions or concerns I could easily talk to his teacher and she would reply nicely. She would explain things, be understanding, and never make me feel like an asshole for caring about my kid.

Before I left I stood there and watched this lady with the kids and she comes off mean to them too. She looked angry at them even. I can’t decide if this lady is just angry or going through something or what? No matter what, I don’t feel like she has the personality to care for kids, nor the personality to deal with children’s parents.

What do I do now? I don’t feel comfortable knowing my son is in time out that often. I don’t feel comfortable after hearing the other teacher, the part time one say that TWO TIME OUTS WAS NOTHING the other kids go at least 5 times a day.

FIVE TIMES???

Am I the only one who sees this as excessive? Am I the only mom wondering if they shouldn’t maybe be talking to these kids and educating them instead of just shoving them in time out? Am I the only parent who even knows this is happening? Because had my mom not walked in while he was in time out, that teacher never would have told us.

I don’t know where to go from here. When I enrolled him I read the parent teacher handbook from front to back. One of the things in there talked about teachers communicating with parents when there was a problem, and parents working on it at home. How in the fuck am I supposed to work on my sons school problems if no one is communicating and when they do communicate I feel attacked and like I need to go sit in time out.

What do I do?