Dear kids, your mom is an idiot..don’t be like her

We had Codi’s 1st birthday this weekend at Chuck E Cheese. I know lame huh? But, every kid coming was so much older then Codi it made sense to have the party somewhere that would entertain them, and also somewhere that I DIDN’T HAVE TO CLEAN UP AFTER!

The party was mass hysteria. Seriously that place is like a hornets nest. Only imagine hornets who scream and yell and push and shove and steal other kids tickets and break games and spill juice on themselves and get stuck on the slide and OMFG GET ME OUT OF HERE. Our two tables were actually very pleasant. Codi loved his cake the food was devoured and I think there was only one or two crying incidents from my table the entire time. And one of them was totally MINE!

You see. There was this game there. Ginger played it once and got a ton of tickets so I figured sure why not. The premise is there is a ball attached to a rod. The ball spins around in a circle clockwise. What happens is, you put in your token and the machine gives you a number like 4. Then you have a mallet thing and you get to smash this button in attempt to make the ball spin around the number of times shown or more. Only it doesn’t give you a number like 4 it gives you numbers like THIRTY FUCKING TWO! Right. So Ginger says it’s sooo easy and she did it the first time and played for like four hours on one token. SO. I whack it. the ball goes around 7 times. I get a little mad and put another token in. Ginger says it’s easier if you put your other hand on the mallet when you whack it. So I try. I make it around 18 times toward my new goal of 31. Cram another token in. 17 spins. Now I’m just getting mad. I never got a number lower then 31 to try and beat. Now I’m seeing red. I finally decided it is because the mallet is attached to a string no more then a foot long. You can’t even lift the mallet to get good leverage (well you could if you were three feet tall).

I stare at this stupid machine and figure I’ll just hit it harder. I smash another token into the fucking machine and mash it with the mallet. FOUR. FOUR FUCKING TIMES AROUND. My cousin Lisa walks up and starts laughing at me. “Four times Shannon is that all.” That is why they don’t make the mallet string longer because if they did I would have mashed her on the fucking head while she teased me.


I crammed a final token in the machine and before I knew it I was seeing red and BAMMMMMM!!!!!!!!! I mashed that bitch button with my fist.


Fuck me. Now Ginger and Lisa are both laughing at me, shaking their heads obviously thinking this is something only Shannon would do at a kids place. So this morning when I was trying to cut some stuff for dinner, and last night when I was typing that is why my fucking hand hurts.

So. Some advice. Next time you are at Chuck E Cheese, maybe try stepping away from the stupid fucking game before you mash it and nearly break your hand. Perhaps go try something less dangerous like playing in the ball pit.

And NO! I didn’t win. Even when I mashed that fucker with all my might bare fisted I still only made it around 9 times. Stupid fucking Shannon proof games.

5 thoughts on “Dear kids, your mom is an idiot..don’t be like her

  1. JIFF: Right after that I immediately went to skee ball because I usually rock at it. I never got more then the one free ticket you get for putting in your token, in fact I did so bad that by the third time of sucking the kid next to me was actually laughing at my suckiness!


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