So I’m still here. I’m done dying. I’m just, ummm, kinda flopping around like a fish out of water but definitely not dying. I went to the doctor finally for some drugs and it went like this.
Doctor: Okay so you are wheezing, have a terrible cough and for sure need some antibiotics. So here have some Augmentin.
Doctor: How about some cough syrup with Codine? Nope never mind your nursing. How about something for your vertigo, let me check.
(Checks THREE different drugs and finds that no I can’t take fucking any of them)
Doctor: Wow that is pretty sad, life sucks for you right now. Hmmm, I can’t even give you an inhaler for the wheezing. This is terrible. First you have to be pregnant and now your nursing which makes you stuck being able to take nothing.
Me: Yeah tell me about it huh.
Doctor: Okay aha this pill says it is safe, but it has a very low rate of working for vertigo, but it’s only $4.00 so why the hell not try it.
Me: Sounds promising thanks!
I came back to work only to find out Codi has what I had. Since he is a boy that obviously means he is the most whining, sad, angry, MAN about this whole thing. Seriously, I can see the Rob coming out in him with this one, because y’all my husband realllly goes all out when he is sick with the whining. If Codi keeps it up I will need to call the whambulance soon.
In other news I’m doing great with my fitness and diet goals already this year. However, I’m smart enough to ask in advance WHERE THE FUCK ARE ALL THE GIRLSCOUTS! Seriously. What happened to the days when girls would come knock on your door and sell cookies. None of my employees have kids either. Okay not true, one has like 17 kids but his wife is too lazy to do something like put her kids in Girl Scouts, which means I HAVE TO SUFFER PEOPLE AND I GET NO COOKIES!
So. My dear readers do any of you have girls selling cookies? If so I will totally paypal you some money for them. I need about 6 boxes of Thin Mints (seriously I freeze them) and then some of the other new fangled kinds. I swear if you guys tell me that none of you are selling cookies, well I’m going to kick some ass. I sooo don’t have the patience to wait for them to be on sale outside the store this year. Plus last year they totally put two different troops outside. One when you walked in and one when you walked out. Which meant you either had to buy from each of them or disappoint two groups of girls. I got suckered a lot last year.
Also totally unrelated. The other night at about 3am Codi woke up and projectile vomited in my bed. Rob changed the sheets while I changed Codi and took his temperature. Later, we got back in bed. Rob had put my 600 thread count Egyptian Cotton sheets on. He leans over and says, “I kind of liked the flannel ones, they were warm.” SO, I know my kid was sick and all but at that moment I swear all I was thinking was “I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO I WIN I WIN YOU LIKE MY SHEETS SUCK IT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I WAS RIGHT NEENER NEENER YOU LOVE MY SHEETS.” What I replied was, “I know they are nice huh.” But I swear my head was screaming the whole time that I HAD WON! The next day he went so far as to text me to ask if I had washed the sheets because he “missed” the flannel ones! There might have been an I win dance when I received that text!
So to sum up. I’m still sick, my child has morphed into a whiney sick monster demon spawn, I would like to order Girl Scout cookies from anyone ordering them, and I WIN!
*I realize it is not yet Girl Scout season, I’m just putting in my request in advance.