Observations and other nonsense

Brandons teacher commented on how he always smells so nice in the morning and how his teeth are always brushed and his clothes are always clean. Umm. Aren’t all kids? Do people really take their kids to school in dirty clothes and unclean? Eww.

Weening my first child was easy. He was down to eating every six hours. Codi was eating every two hours needless to say after almost 48 hours of not nursing (I cheated once and nursed for about 4 minutes) my boobs fucking hurt. Fuck man this shit is bad. I’m like Dolly Parton over here. Good lord have mercy on my boobs. They are so big they are rising up and about to touch my chin. I’m filling out an E cup bra and it is about to bust at the seams.

Mine are bigger then this right now.

Codi is slowly testing some things out. Still nothing of quality but he is at least snacking and attempting to drink some milk from a cup (so what if it is strawberry flavor).

I feel like such a mom now. In my Iphone I have the following labels in my Ical: Personal, Work, Bills, KIDS. That’s right I now have a label just for my children’s appointments and reminders. I am 5 steps away from having one of those giant color coordinated calenders on my refrigerator with sticky notes and what not.

I am not 21 anymore. I can not stay out drinking until 3 am and expect to function the next day. Also….it hurts more when you puke after a night out like that.

Also…when you get that drunk please make someone keep you out of the bathroom so you don’t tell anyone and everyone that “THIS is what happens to your boobs when you have kids.” Ouch.

It is a bad idea to ask the pit boss of the casino you are partying at if she happens to have a breast pump you can borrow, while you gamble.

It is a worse idea to take someones cigarette from them and put it out on a table cloth.

It is an even worse idea to give someone as drunk as me a flaming dr pepper!

Can you see how this could be bad in the hands of ME!

I’ve moved on to full mom bag status. I now have a bag big enough to fit all of my stuff, my kids stuff, and even a kid if I wanted. In fact. I’m pretty sure I could put Codi in my new bag. (Note to self try that tonight with camera handy)

Codi is getting too smart. He just found my stash of donuts, grabbed the last one, took the wrapper and ran over and put it in the trash. What a tidy little boy. Well, tidy if you don’t count the 300 toys scattered around my office right now.

Cute button up flannel shirts are a great way to hide a muffin top if you had one. Not saying I have one, but if I did I would probably wear a cute button up flannel shirt to work.

(the only known picture of April and I out the other night…I refuse to show you the other pictures of me and strangers because I don’t look so hot)

And finally I present to you the text messages I sent to my cousin and Ginger.

To Ginger:

Wwreeeeee

Tacos qi

Fucmex up

To Lisa:

Weeeeeeeeee

Woowoo

plop

ntaox

snow

ya oeq

tacos

ta is

tacos

bens

beans

ok uejd

Ggvdnc

R

Vgennrnrns

SO! That just about sums up my night ehh? To answer your questions, no I never got the tacos I was so craving…I got a sandwich at home instead, that the next morning I discovered I had thrown all over the floor seconds before I crawled upstairs to puke.

My favorite part of the night was my husband pulling my hair back in a hair tie, rubbing my back, bringing me a blankie and informing me my boobs were leaking…and never once did he gag as I puked up sammich and pizza!

What would I eat

Breakfast: One perfect piece of toast. One toasted NYC everything bagel with extra lots of cream cheese. A Venti Raspberry vanilla latte from Peet’s WITH ALL THE FAT! Biscuits and gravy (no sausage) and Five scones from Bread and Ink in Oregon. Clementine oranges. One more bagel. My breakfast potatoes.

Lunch: One perfect egg salad sandwich on brand new fresh Wonder Bread. Two Jimboys bean tacos. Dark chocolate caramel fredo from Peets. A whole can of Fritos jalapeno cheddar sauce and a bag of blue corn chips. Watermelon. Seven slices of NYC pizza. An avocado. A soy bacon BLT on Wonder bread with extra mayo.

Dinner: A Capresé salad from here. Basil Parmesan mashed potatoes from Dolcé. A very large bowl of Oriental flavored ramen. Cous Cous with butter and Parmesan. The chef salad from the Sandwich Board, sans meat. An artichoke as big as my head. A giant loaf of fresh baked bread. Pesto gnocchi. Spinach artichoke dip as an appetizer. My home made pico de gallo with avocado with chips.

Desert: Chocolate cake with chocolate ganaché. Two scoops of Love Potion #39 from Baskin Robbins. Petite fours. Good amaretto on the rocks. One large bar of Scharffen Berger chocolate. Fresh brownie ends. Chocolate fondu. Six S’mores.

So. That is all I can come up with for now. I am now pretty fucking starving. I’m going to go eat…nothing, cuz I have none of the above at my house.

(The biscuits & gravy from Bread and Ink: Biscuits and Gravy – A fresh baked Biscuit smothered with vegetarian Herb Gravy, Italian Sausage and Tillamook Cheddar Cheese. Served with two Eggs any style. 8.50)

ITS BAAAAACK

I just turned on Noggin to hear the Boinga song. Noooooo please tell me this isn’t back. If you want to hear the Boinga song and entertain your baby for hours go to you tube and type in BOINGA. You will thank me later when you are Boingaing in your sleep!

What would I eat

Breakfast: One perfect piece of toast. One toasted NYC everything bagel with extra lots of cream cheese. A Venti Raspberry vanilla latte from Peet’s WITH ALL THE FAT! Biscuits and gravy (no sausage) and Five scones from Bread and Ink in Oregon. Clementine oranges. One more bagel. My breakfast potatoes.

Lunch: One perfect egg salad sandwich on brand new fresh Wonder Bread. Two Jimboys bean tacos. Dark chocolate caramel fredo from Peets. A whole can of Fritos jalapeno cheddar sauce and a bag of blue corn chips. Watermelon. Seven slices of NYC pizza. An avocado. A soy bacon BLT on Wonder bread with extra mayo.

Dinner: A Capresé salad from here. Basil Parmesan mashed potatoes from Dolcé. A very large bowl of Oriental flavored ramen. Cous Cous with butter and Parmesan. The chef salad from the Sandwich Board, sans meat. An artichoke as big as my head. A giant loaf of fresh baked bread. Pesto gnocchi. Spinach artichoke dip as an appetizer. My home made pico de gallo with avocado with chips.

Desert: Chocolate cake with chocolate ganaché. Two scoops of Love Potion #39 from Baskin Robbins. Petite fours. Good amaretto on the rocks. One large bar of Scharffen Berger chocolate. Fresh brownie ends. Chocolate fondu. Six S’mores.

So. That is all I can come up with for now. I am now pretty fucking starving. I’m going to go eat…nothing, cuz I have none of the above at my house.

(The biscuits & gravy from Bread and Ink: Biscuits and Gravy – A fresh baked Biscuit smothered with vegetarian Herb Gravy, Italian Sausage and Tillamook Cheddar Cheese. Served with two Eggs any style. 8.50)

What would you do

Tomorrow morning when you wake up you will discover that the FDA has discovered a new way of eating. All of the world will survive on nothing but pills. We will gain all nutrition from that. You have. You have one day left of eating real normal food. What do you pick?

I will answer this all for you too. So far, as silly as it seems I know two things. One, I would have to have some sort of Everything bagel toasted with extra plain cream cheese from the bagel store down the street from me. Scratch that, I would fly to NYC for an everything bagel and extra plain cream cheese! Also…I would need some sort of potato…preferably a large one…with cheese and chives and sour cream.

I will work on my final list tonight and give you my final meal tomorrow. But how about you. Please tell me, if today was your last day to eat what would you eat for your final, Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner and of course Dessert?

P.S. for this one day you have UNLIMITED stomach capacity!

What would you do

Tomorrow morning when you wake up you will discover that the FDA has discovered a new way of eating. All of the world will survive on nothing but pills. We will gain all nutrition from that. You have. You have one day left of eating real normal food. What do you pick?

I will answer this all for you too. So far, as silly as it seems I know two things. One, I would have to have some sort of Everything bagel toasted with extra plain cream cheese from the bagel store down the street from me. Scratch that, I would fly to NYC for an everything bagel and extra plain cream cheese! Also…I would need some sort of potato…preferably a large one…with cheese and chives and sour cream

I will work on my final list tonight and give you my final meal tomorrow. But how about you. Please tell me, if today was your last day to eat what would you eat for your final, Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner and of course Dessert?

P.S. for this one day you have UNLIMITED stomach capacity!