First off all, Wednesday will be two weeks on my medicine. I will also up my dose to a full dose that day. Here are my observations on the drug so far.
-It makes me a little drowsy, which will be great later for taking it at night (I can’t right now because I still get up with the boys).
-I feel like I sleep better. It takes me a while to fall asleep but when I do it is a really good, deep sleep. I haven’t felt that kind of deep dream like sleep in ages. To say that I have a few dreams every night thrills me. They are very detailed but mostly funny dreams. I wake up feeling tired still but I blame that on the getting up with the boys bit.
-I feel like I think a little more before reacting to the boys. I still freak out, but I am able to stop faster and actually so far most days I’ve been able to process and think and relax and respond better to Brandon. This morning I lost my cool and yelled a little but I immediately recognized what I was doing and stopped. Normally I realize what I’m doing, keep doing it and beat myself up over it.
I wouldn’t say that I’m cured, or I’ve made amazing changes but I do see hope in the future and I do honestly feel like this is going to work.
Codi is for the most part totally weened. After the weekend he spent with my mom when I went snowboarding I never looked back. I still allow him to nurse once right before bed and that is it. One thing I never saw coming out of all of this is that he actually sleeps better. When we made the decision to put him in bed with Brandon that is also another decision I made and never looked back on. A large part of me thought I would try it for a night, give up and never do it again. Nearly two weeks later and we are still going strong. I put him down and he sleeps from 9 until 1230 usually. Some nights even 2, 3 or 4am. When he wakes up he kinda cries but not a sobbing hysterical cry like he used to do if I put him in his crib. I go in and lay next to him and let him fuss a little and then usually within a few minutes he just fusses right back to bed. I realize I shouldn’t say all of this because of course he will turn into a screaming mess, but like I said I have hope.
Weening him has helped him eat too. He still isn’t eating a lot but he will eat pancakes, muffins and donuts. I know I know not healthy at all but all of the doctors agreed the important thing is just for him to eat and learn hunger and to ask for food. Which he now does. He wakes up and immediately wants his cup full of milk. I put him in his high chair and right away he demands food. He will say NUM NUM until I make him something. At lunch if he is hungry he tells me NUM NUM and points at the fridge.
The down side to all of this, is his body went into a bit of shock after being on a liquid diet for so long. He’s had some constipation and then a few days ago he had his first really solid poop and it scared the shit out of him (ha pun). He was afraid to poop for two days after that because that first one hurt so bad. Yesterday I ended up having to give him a laxative and later even a suppository to help the guy out.
But, he is eating, and again, I have hope!
Finally I want to say how happy I am that we moved Brandon’s school. I could never begin to explain how much it has helped him and changed him. He listens moderately better (to us, he listens amazing to the teacher). He is learning and remembering sign language. Today he addressed Rob and I as mom and dad using signs. He tells me no in sign language all the time too. He is drawing all kinds of things and blossoming. His teacher told my husband the other day that Brandon made her day because he reminded her of why she started teaching. They said he is so bright, always the first to answer in circle time and has made huge changes behavior wise. I 100% believe this all came from changing his school.
This weekend we had a large party with about 5 gazillion kids and I was so proud to see Brandon get along with all of them and interact appropriately. I guess I am thankful for this blog, because if his old teacher never would have snooped and found it I never would have had to pull him from that old school.
Anyway, for now, things seem to be doing pretty good. I do see light at the end of the tunnel. This weekend when I was surrounded by a large number of really good female friends and all of our kids played and our husbands hung out and played beer pong and my parents hung out with all of us, I really stopped, took stock of my life and saw, that now that I’ve weeded out all of the bad seeds, my life is really pretty fucking amazing!