So, I finally get in to see the ultrasound lady she is a really nice older lady with a sweet grandma type voice. I mentally remind myself not to cuss or call anyone a slut for the 20 minutes I’m in here. I lay back and she hands me the wand to insert. That is my least favorite part. Having to put this long dildo thing inside myself…very weird. She grabs a hold and starts looking at various girl parts on the monitor. There is your uterus, there is an ovary, oh look your follicles are bigger on this side (follicles are eggs…which means I’ll ovulate on that side next which means OUCH MOTHERFUCKER PAIN!)

She keeps looking around and then glances down and sees my tattoo.

“Oh who did your tat?”

I laughed in my head because she said tat, I thought it was soooo cute how she was trying to be hip.

“I go to Aces they have done all my work since I was 15, that tattoo there is 12 years old.”

“Wow, that has held up so well for being that old. My son in law owns a tat shop.”

I was shocked, I couldn’t imagine this sweet old lady having the kind of daughter that would be married to a tattoo artist. We start chatting more and she shows me more of my follicles. I was telling her how I had done all this before back when Rob and I were going through fertility treatment. She asked what we did and I told her how we had tried 3 IUI’s. Then she starts telling me about her friend who went to my same doctor and did invetro, and how she got pregnant with twins. I thought that was nice. She goes on to tell me about how after the kids were old enough her friend and her husband went out for Halloween. Her friend wore a slutty cop outfit.

Yes.

Sweet ultrasound lady said slutty.

“Anyway my friend has on her really short tight outfit and her CFM* boots and can you believe after all that invetro stuff she got pregnant that night?”

HUH!

Is this lady really talking to me about CFM boots? I’m too stunned to speak.

“I thought it was so cute she got knocked up that night and we can’t wait to tell Boots about how he got his name.

!!WHAT!!

“Umm, Boots? Is that is nickname?”

“No, they named him boots, because she said her CFM boots are what got him pregnant that night.”

………..
……….

I was speechless.  ME speechless.  I couldn’t come up with any kind of response.  I grumbled something like "err umm err" and that was that.

I changed the subject then. Can you even imagine naming your fucking kid BOOTS. How are you going to tell your child later in life that your mommy got knocked up because she was wearing her CFM boots? Not to mention, what kind of sweet old ultrasound lady even knows what the fuck CFM boots are??????

So here I am, on my back, a wand inside me listening to this lady talk about her friends sexy boots. Weirdest appointment of my life! How was I supposed to react to that entire conversation?

Boots. I’ll never in my life get over that name. I’ll also never ever think of my CFM boots the same. Poor kid.

*CFM=come fuck me