The other night Codi woke up crying. He often does this around 3-4:00am. Usually at this time I bring him in my bed. He was sniffing a lot and sucking a lot of snot. I reached around groggily, grabbed a tissue and wiped his nose. A half hour later I heard it again, sniffle sniffle, choke, gag. I grabbed more tissue, wiped his nose and we both fell back asleep. That morning when I woke up in the sunlight I looked over to see my babies face covered in BLOOD.
Please contact me for my address so you can send my mother of the year award. Yes, in my sleepiness I mistook a bloody nose for a stuffy nose and left my son bleeding all over himself. I felt awful. Y’all I can’t even tell you how terrible I felt seeing his entire face, hands and ears covered in blood.
As payback for being the worlds shittiest mom I noticed that not only was my baby covered in blood but so was my bed. Upon further inspection I also noticed, his entire bed, pillows, and special blanky soaked in blood. I got your message God, I suck as a mom, thanks for the mess.
I immediately set to work washing the boys sheets. Between work and dishes and cooking I didn’t get to mine. So today I spent time washing my sheets. My entire bed has been laundered.
Which means. I had to take a shower. Yes. The same way I HAVE to put my socks on before my jeans, I MUST enter clean sheets with freshly shaved legs. Yes. I MUST!.
In fact, I remember Emery posting about the time she got new soft sheets on her blog. My only comment was TAKE A SHOWER AND SHAVE THOSE LEGS STAT! Clean sheets, especially soft brand new ones can only be fully enjoyed with freshly shaved legs.
Which is why I just had to run upstairs and shower. Then of course I had to slather myself in the bestest smelling body butter I own. Finally I walked over and smoothed the sheets. Fluffed the pillows and closed the door. No dirty kids were going to tarnish my delicious Apple Mango Tango scented sheets (see, sick obsessions as mentioned above, must have apple mango tango always).
I can’t wait for night to come. To hop in to my exorbitantly soft flannel sheets and snuggle up in my sweet smelling blanky.
Oh yes folks, tonight is going to KICK ASS!
So tell me. Do you have any ticks? What are your strange habits or rituals?
And, if you haven’t already, go wash those sheets, shave those legs and then, come back and tell me what a fucking genius I am!