I haven’t talked much about Codi’s teeth on here, because really how interesting are teeth? I know you are all sitting there obsessively refreshing your readers hoping that today I will talk about teeth, or ooo maybe even ear wax right?
Anyway. Brushing Brandons teeth was always easy. He LOVED having his teeth brushed. He would walk around with his toothbrush all happy and what not. When it was time for us to brush them he would stand on his stool and proudly let us brush. And while, now he is a little more difficult about it, when he was little he was the champion of teeth brushing kids.
Then there is Codi. Brushing his teeth is, similar to trying to give a cat a bath. You need approximately eleventy billion hands, a very large dose of patience and as of today some gloves. Because today that little fucker bit me. He bit me hard enough to draw blood.
In order to brush his teeth I have to first laying him over my knees. Then tuck one arm between him and my body. Then lean over to secure that arm and put my left elbow over his other arm. Then I have to use my left hand to attempt to pry his mouth open. After that I have to coerce him to stop biting the goddamn toothbrush because I can’t brush your fucking teeth when you have clamped down on it like the jaws of life. Then I have to try and maneuver around his tongue because as soon as I start trying to brush his bottom teeth he instantly starts shoving his tongue out of his mouth over his teeth and down his chin. This turns into a tongue thrust competition and before I know it he is spitting and gnashing and thrashing and I have finally gotten one whole tooth brushed.
But today, when he bit me I swear I thought, you know, maybe cavities aren’t so bad. Maybe yellow teeth will become all the rage soon and Codi will be totally fashionable. Because my God I don’t know if I can do this shit two times every day for the next 5 years.
BUT WAIT IT GETS BETTER
Today. My mom thinks it would be funny to let Codi run around the office naked because she "swears" he wants to go potty on the potty. So. He walked over to the potty and tried really hard to potty. He even got some in the potty. Then, he walked over a chair, climbed on the chair, climbed on top of my desk, stood up, danced around like Axel Rose for a second and then…
HE PEED ON MY DESK!!!!
On my phone, my pencil holder, my papers my staple remover, everywhere. What does my mom do?
They are both assholes!