Happy April 1 means Happy April fools JACKASS!

A text conversation via my husband and I

(First you should know he just had new black rims put on his car.  He loves his car.  I think his chain of love goes:



Super Burrito



Me: Promise not to yell at me

Me: I drove over a curb pulling into my drs office.  But I don’t think I hurt anything.  Please don’t get mad

Me: K going into dr

(At this point I am aware he is not responding because he is driving at work. So I keep pushing)

Me: I don’t see any scratches or anything so I think it’s okay.  I’m so short in your car I didn’t even see the corner

Husband: WTF Shannon.  How fast were you going!?! Dammit Shannon.  That fucks up alignment and bends rims

(I’m now in the doctors office waiting room and I bust out in full laughter.  I’m at the shrink, apparently laughter is not welcome in the waiting room…I keep pushing)

Me: No it doesn’t look bent.  Or even scratched just the tire is a little scuffed.

(I am smart, I know exactly what to say to get to him)

Husband: Out of all the times to do shit you wait for me to get new rims unti you hit curbs.  That’s really not cool.

Husband: Fuck

Me: Please don’t yell I didn’t mean to

Me: I was just rushing to get here and just turned to quick

(I knew this would REALLY piss him off, he always says I drive his car too fast)

Husband: Yeah that’s why I’m upset.  I know you weren’t going slow around the turn

Me: I’m sorry please don’t be mad I said sorry


Me: Happy April 1 (with 4 red exclamation points a heart, a happy face emoticon laughing so hard he is crying a kissy face emoticon and 6 more hearts)


Husband: (Clearly too pissed to notice what I just wrote) Shannon the reason I’m mad is becuz I know how you drive and I know that you weren’t going slow around the turn.  And for you to say you were rushing makes it even worse.  If ur late then ur late.  No point in driving faster becuz thats when shit happens just like that.

(I’m in doctors so I don’t reply)

Husband: You ignoring me now?

I get out of the doctor and I’m laughing so hard because I know he has now sat there for a full hour and a half and stewed on the fact that I just fucked up his precious car!  So I call him.

Me: Hi

Husband: What

Me: (stifling laughter): Are you still mad

Husband: Yes, what

Me: Ummm, you know when I wrote happy April 1 that meant April Fools right?

Husband: Oh fuck you!  I have to go.  You suck.  BYE

Commence texting

Husband: Ha ha. F u!! Joking about my car is like joking about our kids!! YOU DON’T DO IT!!  Good one though

Me: I’ve been laughing so hard

Husband: Not cool I’ve been cussing you out so much to my friend that helped me on that run I hate you.

Me: I am champion

Me: I’m, so awesome awesome.  I’m so awesome awesome.  You know Elliots (from Scrubs) I told you so dance, I’m doing that but saying I’m so awesome.  Seriously laughing so hard I am the master.

Husband: yeah yeah yeah

Me: Still laughing

Husband: grrrr I’m still mad at you thinking you hit a curb

Me: I’m walking on air I’m laughing so hard.  I really expected YOU of all people to know I was April fooling you

Husband: Yeah but when you say something happened to my car or our kids I don’t care what date it is I totally spaced the date



Husband: Poop emoticon

Me: Kissy face, still laughing babe


Did I gloat enough?  I’m really not sure.  I think I should gloat some more today.  I am so proud of myself.  I am thrilled.  He always always fucks with me and this time I got him.  GOOD TOO!  I am a master!  

He always says when he stops picking on me I’ll know he stopped loving me, so babe, I got you good enough you should know ME STILL LOVE YOU LONG TIME!

12 thoughts on “Happy April 1 means Happy April fools JACKASS!

  1. wow! you got him good. I didn’t even make it two minutes on the phone with my prank. I told him I thought the car was in reverse but it was in forward and I rain into the garage door. He was at work and I could tell he was pissed already so I started laughing.
    Lol, you got him good!


  2. So, I have to say… I haaaaaate April Fools day. I’ve always had super mean jokes played on me, like my husband’s mom telling me that people were in accidents and in the hospital and stuff. So ever year, I tell hubby that I am aware that it’s April Fools Day and I won’t believe a word out of his mouth until the next day. This has saved me the 6 or 7 years… no more mean jokes. This year, no different… I warned everyone to not try anything with me. Well, I was getting ready that morning in the bathroom, turned on my hairdryer to dry my hair, and as soon as I hit the “on” button: POOOOOF! A HUGE cloud of baby powder shoots out of the hairdryer and surrounds me like fog. All I could smell and taste was cucumber scented baby powder, and my whole head was white. That was hubby’s way of still getting me, but not by trying to trick me with words or stories. I laughed… it was pretty good. 🙂


  3. I was hysterically laughing that whole time! That was a really good one! My husband got me good to and it was NOT nice so I do sympathize with your husband hehehe I’m not a good enough liar to get people with a straight face. I wish I would’ve thought of a texting prank!


  4. What is up Rob? Usually you have something to say. You’re going to let her dis you like this Ha Ha that is just so funny. Can’t believe after that you still let her take it on a 10 hour road trip to see Dooce in SF that day.


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