I have a great post coming up about where I’ve been since Easter.  I’ve been building a park in my back yard.  However, what I want to talk about right now is function. 

I’ve discovered that some people just plain function differently.  My husband and I for example are polar opposites.  So are our children.  My husband can wake up at any time of the morning and be nice.  He can be happy.  He can solve a problem.  Ask him to do that at midnight though, and you should probably just pack your bags and leave.  Seriously, when our kids are sick, and they are up coughing at night, it’s smarter just to call out for mommy, because daddy has no sympathy for sick kids at 1AM.  However, if you try and ask me something in the morning, expect a response similar to a fire breathing dragon.  It’s best just to shut the fuck up in the morning.  It isn’t a sleep issue either.  I can sleep till 11 in the afternoon but for that first hour, WATCH YOUR BACK.  

To put it blunt, as I told my therapist recently, I’M AN ASSHOLE IN THE MORNING! A big one too.  HUGE!  I need coffee, and some food, and at least 20 minutes to meditate on my morning.  So you can imagine when I’m home alone with the two boys in the morning and Brandon takes 42 minutes to take off his T-shirt, well, he and I don’t get along. 

I guess it is good my husband and I are opposites that way.  There is always one of us who can function.  One of us who can be sane enough to not rip your goddamn head off during the wrong time of day.  Our kids are the same.  Brandon wakes up and is like WOOHOO LET’S GET THE PARTY STARTED (which makes my head hurt) and Codi opens one eye, looks at the world, rolls over shuts it and goes back to sleep for a while.  Even after he does that he still has to wake up, stretch, be quiet and peaceful and just look around before he can start his day.  I’m telling you, Brandon needs to hurry up and learn that Codi is the wrong person to try and hug in the morning, just ask the bruise on his head from where Codi kicked him this morning because Brandon had the audacity to kiss him hello.  

I’m amused.  It feels as if we had one kid for each of us.  Brandon and Rob hang out together so well, Codi and I we can hang out for hours.  Try and reverse that and chaos ensues.  When Brandon and I try and spend an hour alone in the morning it’s as if the planets disalign and the whole fucking universe explodes.  My husband comes home to find us both at our wits end and in need of some chocolate.  The same can be said for my husband and Codi.  

I find it interesting how different people can be.  I always assumed that if you were with someone long enough you became similar.  I assumed your kids would be just like you.  I never realized that while one may be the other might not, because he’s busy being just like your husband who is nothing like you.

Tell me.  Are there qualities in you and your spouse, or you and your kids that are different?  Really different?  Have they changed to become similar or stayed the same? 

I can tell you after a kagillion years of being friends with Ginger, she is still late  everywhere and I’m still early everywhere.  Katie is always well put together and showered and I’m always standing there wondering if I put on deodorant today.  My husband is always going to be sweet in the morning and I’m always going to want to take a baseball bat to his head because he asked me how I slept.  And lord have mercy on his soul if there is no coffee downstairs when I get there.