Tales from the Crypt

One night the boys were both in the bath.  Brandon started farting and thought he was HILARIOUS.  We all laughed and it just egged him on.  Finally we finished up the bath, washed the boys and got them out of the bath.  Our routine after a bath is that Rob takes Brandon wraps him in a towel and puts him in bed under a bunch of blankies to dry.  I handle Codi, get his teeth brushed and sit downstairs with him while he relaxes and gets ready for bed.  While Brandon dries Rob goes in and drains the bath and rinses it then handles Brandon.  It works out nicely.  So this time Brandons in his bed giggling about all his farting, I’m downstairs and I hear,


I head up there into the bathroom to see Rob standing looking at the now empty bathtub that now has two perfectly hershey’s kiss shaped soft poops stuck to the bottom, right where Brandon was sitting. 

I HAD JUST WASHED MY CHILDREN IN POOPY WATER!  Codi was already sleeping.  Sleeping in a poppy water soaked body.  On hair washed in poopy water. 

Needless to say no one laughs when Brandon farts in the water anymore.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Two nights ago I had been cleaning my kitchen and tossing rags into the laundry basket by my washing machine.  I planned to start one last load of rags after Codi went to bed.  Later after the bath Codi and I were hanging out on the couch.  He wasn’t tired yet so he went toddling off.  A little while later he returned with a rag.  I was totally grossed out, because "eww that had wiped the counters."  Codi was thrilled by this rag though so I left him alone.  The next thing I knew he was sucking on the rag.

I nearly gagged at the thought of him sucking on the dirties from the counter.   I’m gagging reliving it.


I go find Rob and he asks me to investigate the puddle of water?????

Off I go.  SPLASH! I step right into a puddle of water. "Ugggg one of the kids must have spilled their water like ALWAYS!!!!!!!"

But then I walk a little further and notice a trail of water.  A trail leading to the toilet. The open toilet. 


Brandon had gone potty earlier and must not have shut the toilet. 

Then it hit me.  The rag that Codi was driving around was a little too wet. 


When Codi had wandered off he had grabbed the rag, played with it in the toilet and then dragged it all over the house.  Up the stairs, on the couch, and IN. HIS. MOUTH.

My son was sucking pee out of a towel.


I think I need to lie down!

8 thoughts on “Tales from the Crypt

  1. OMG…I bet you had a fricking stroke. I know how you are with your cleanliness issues! GAWD. That is pretty nasty!
    And my word verify is: were daintier
    Could that be more funny?


  2. Holy hell! Your stories are great birth control I tell you. Good thing you are so good at writing them or else I would be completely traumatized 🙂


  3. OH MY GOD! I am totally terrified about having a boy now!!! UGH. Our (male) dog Toby manages to gross me out pretty successfully on a regular basis, but I can just tell that that’s just the beginning. Pee water sucked out of a towel? O. M. G.


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