The day I got fired

I guess I should mention that Codi has been trying to potty train himself.  He does pretty good during the day.  He peed on the potty about 9 times today.  We have been so proud of him at work.  What we didn’t account for was him pooping on the floor.  In all honesty I wouldn’t even have known about it if he didn’t start screaming bloody murder because he stepped in it.  My cousin Victoria heard him crying and picked him up to clean up the poop off him and I ran to clean the poop off the floor.

The only problem was….Dylan, Katies son beat me too it.  The next thing I know I see Dylan with two giant chunks of poop in his hands.  He is squeezing it and then he takes a bite out of it as if it was an apple.  I totally fucking lost it, grabbed him and took off running.  Dylan dropped one piece of poop and I ran outside and had to pry the other piece out of his hands.  Somehow he got some lodged in his toes and all over his clothes.  I stop in front of my moms office and shout MOM MOM MOM POOP, she is totally oblivious because she is on the phone.  Dylan dropped more poop at her door.

At this point I finally get a wiff of it.  The realization that Dylan is licking poop of his lips sends me over the edge and I start gagging profusely.  Victoria sees me gag and she starts gagging.  I had to go back outside and I gagged more until I threw up and swallowed it back down.  Victoria is inside and can see me gag, I look in just in time to see her double over and gag again.

The other girl came running outside with a baby wipe.  ONE BABY WIPE.  I screamed "One baby wipe isn’t going to fucking help this go get more."  She hauled ass in the bathroom to find it covered in shit.  We got Dylans face wiped off and I took off to wash him.  The girl behind me was shouting, "take him to the sink the bathroom is covered in shit."

In my rush to the sink I stepped in the piece he had dropped earlier and went sliding across the hardwood leaving a streak of poop behind me.  Who knew poop could turn into a goddamn slip n slide? To make matters worse Dylan had a ring of poop around his mouth.  as if he had been eating chocolate ice cream.  He was still squishing it in his hands, and he actually got angry at me when I pried the remaining poop from his hands.  

After both boys were cleaned up we were able to access the situation.  Poop smeared all over the rug in my office.  Poop all down the hall, all over my shoes, Dylans clothes, the bathroom floor, the changing table, the wall by the changing table and some more on the floor. 

I got everything cleaned and called Katie to inform her that not only had her food bully son just stolen Codi’s Odwalla bar, and his pop tart, he had gone so far as to steal his poop and eat it.

Katie’s reply, "Great, so now my son eat’s shit!"

Yeah, I am pretty sure I am totally fired after this.

Poor Shoes.

11 thoughts on “The day I got fired

  1. Oh wow! What a day… Why do babies just have to eat EVERYTHING??? I would have totally completely lost it too!

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  2. OMG! I have to say I almost spewed iced tea out my nose. You poor thing! I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything so gross and yet so incredibly hilarious.
    Aren’t kids fun?!

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  3. Holy shit, I wasn’t gagging reading your story, but I sure as hell am gagging now that I just saw that picture! ACK!!!! I’m lucky I didn’t just spew all over my work desk! =P Lol…. that’s so gross.

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  4. Thanks for posting the picture of your shoe…I mean, REALLY! I don’t know what could have possibly started the day off any better. (BARF!)

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