The good, the bad, and the time I pissed myself

The bad: My husband’s windows are tinted so dark I can’t see when I go around corners at night. I have to roll the fucking window down to make sure I don’t go over a center divider.

The good: My husband’s windows are tinted so dark that at stop lights I can freely pick my nose and know that no one can see me!

The bad: When you are waltzing through the store and you think you have a panty liner on, and you sneeze and pee a little AND THEN realize you aren’t at the end of your period, you are not wearing a panty liner and you just pissed yourself in the middle of CVS.

The good: You just pissed yourself there is no good.

The bad: Realizing you still had ten minutes to wait for your prescription so you had no choice but to walk around with your legs cemented shut so that no one sees your tiny pee stain on your hot pink sweats!

The still bad: Having to drive home in wet undies. So so so so SOOOOO NOT FUN!

The good: Admitting to the internet that I have the bladder of a one year old but getting lots and lots of sympathy chocolate in the mail for it….or, just getting laughed at.

How about a sweet moment between Christy and I, you know the one where she told me I was so short that she would be the Green Giant and I would be Sprout. Sprout. Really. I feel so…Green!

The annoying: When you spend an entire day trying to zip your button fly pants. Every single time I peed last week I had to fumble around for a zipper that didn’t exist, and then undo my top button so I could button the other three buttons. Oy vey.

The good: Going to the farmers market with Katie and finding avocados so good you suspiciously wonder if the little old man selling them didn’t secretly inject them with butter.

The good: Finding the ripest, sweetest juices cantaloupe ever at the same farmers market.

The bad: Realizing you only bought one cantaloupe at the farmers market and will have to spend the entire rest of the weekend remembering that one time you had that great melon.

The good: Learning the term rescue chip: “A rescue chip is the chip you use to fish the bits of the first one that broke apart in the dip.” Man, I use rescue chips all the time because I can not CAN NOT leave a piece of chip behind in the dip, I’m convinced it will mold and turn rotten.

The bad: Realizing you don’t have any chips and dip right at this moment 😦

The bad: Going to Walmart to buy diapers only to find the assholes at Huggies took nearly 20 diapers away from me, but still want to charge me THE SAME FUCKING BULLSHIT PRICE!

The good: Finding the Thomas the Train toddler bedding on clearance for only $5.00 that same trip.

7 thoughts on “The good, the bad, and the time I pissed myself

  1. OMG, totally relate on the peeing thing. I was out with ALL FIVE CHILDREN having a TERRIBLE TIME ALREADY, and then I coughed too hard and…OKAY WE ARE GOING HOME!!!


  2. Totally know what you’re talking about. I have sneezed and peed…though last week I ripped two pairs of panties because I waited too long before finally going to the loo. When i was finally there I had to get them down asap only I frantically tried to push them down I tore them…


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