I am not sure whose idea it was to trust a crazy person with their own medication.  Seriously when they give you prescriptions they should assign you with a person aid to make sure you arent being a complete moron with your meds.

When I go to the doctor for my boys I have a cute little notebook.

(Mine is cuter though)

I log every single thing about the visit. New medicine doses, height, weight,  milestones, shots, etc.  If you ask me what kind of medicine a 9 month old can have I can go back to that date in Brandon’s half of the book and tell you every goddamn thing his doctor said.

Then, I have this little accordion file for them also.

It is about 4×6 and is just big enough to hold insurance cards, lab work, business cards of all of their doctors and shot records.  Needless to say, medically I am very organized when it comes to my boys.

Me however? My doctors appointment is a lot of me going "uh huh, yeah, okay, yup I understand, righty-o, I got it."  Every time I walk out and say, "Wait shit, what the fuck did he just say?"  Sounds like maybe I need a notebook huh?  The sad part, I have two very cute notebooks in my purse.  Every week I look at them and wonder what I will ever do with them. LIGHTBULB DUMMY!

Anyway the point of all this.  When I started Lithium I started at a dose of 150 per day.  Then my doctor told me she was bumping me to 300 daily.  Then she left.  When I met with the new doctor he was so upset because the correct dose was 300 twice a day, which is what she meant to do, but she wrote the prescription wrong.  So for the last 5 months I’ve been on 600mg of Lithium a day.  After the last time I talked to my doctor we discussed my absolute frustration with the weight gain the Lithium and Zoloft caused.  He again expressed his frustration with the resident that was treating me before.  He stated that obviously if weight gain was a problem for me (meaning I’m not one of those twigs who doesn’t gain weight easily), and if gaining the weight would make me depressed the resident was absolutely wrong to put me on either of those drugs, let alone both of them at once.  He took me off the Zoloft and put me on Wellbutrin.  Immediately I loved it.  The next step was the Lithium.  He told me a better drug for me was Lamictal.  While the Lithium has a tendency to make people drowsy and lethargic the Lamictal is the opposite.  It gives energy and has a side effect of weight loss. SCORE! The plan was to slowly ween onto the Lamictal and then come off the Lithium.  He gave me a great little starter pack.

Even I couldn’t fuck that up.  It counted each day AND week for me.  Once I finished week five I was to fill the prescription he gave me.  I diligently did so and finished week five.  On week five I was at 100 mg of Lamictal.  I was feeling good, I had lost eight pounds, I was happy and almost like myself again.  This is some good shit man.  The prescription told me to take 1/2 a pill for a week and then a full pill.  The next thing I knew I was being a jerk again, kind of sinking back and I gained back six pounds.  I was all prepared to tell my doctor in two weeks that obviously we needed to raise my dose because it wasn’t working.  I finally called him today because, due to my lack of note taking I couldn’t remember when I was supposed to start weaning off the Lithium.  He told me when I got to 200mg of Lamictal.  He said that should have happened weeks ago.  I said no, the script said to take a half pill and then a full so I’m on 100 now. His response,

"Go read your bottle again"

So I did.  And I read.

Taking ONE AND A HALF PILLS FOR ONE WEEK AND THEN TAKE TWO PILLS.

Uhhhh.  Ummmm

So incase you aren’t good at math I accidentally took myself from 100mg of Lamictal down to 50mg and then back to 100mg.  So maybe there was a reason why I wasn’t feeling right, and gaining weight and being a massive asshole.

My doctor basically laughed at my dumb ass, told me to go take a second pill and wean off the Lithium now.  I see him next week where I will be extra SUPER DUPER sure to pack my notebook!

This is exactly why I feel like crazies like me need to be assigned attendants!