For the last week and a half I’ve been searching for a song. I was driving down the road one day when this song came on. At first I was like, "this song sucks." But then the longer I listened the more I started bopping and moving and before I knew it the music was blasting and I was full out club dancing in my car. The only thing I could remember from the song was that at some point it said "Pitbull."
Yes. That is it.
All of my smart ass friends asked why I didn’t use my iPhone to Shazam the song and I had to tell them I was way to busy rocking out and booty shaking to worry about that. I figure that since it said Pitbull in the song it would be by him. NOPE. So then I googled "featuring Pitbull." NOTHING. I listened to every Pitbull song there was. Then people started making suggestions. Is it the new hotel song. NO, is this one, that one NO NO NO NO. Obviously I’ve listened to every fucking song by now three times or more you think I wouldn’t already have thought to look those up. MY GOD. After about four days I decide to call the radio station. Only it is busy. Later that night Lisa calls them. She tells them her cousin heard a song that said PITBULL somewhere in it. They listed off every song I already heard and again I was hopeless. Every day after I googled hoping for something new. Last night for my birthday me and the girls were going out. On our way there I heard the song. I screamed like I struck gold, Shazamed that bitch and then was stunned to find out it was Three 6 Maffia. NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH PITBULL. At this point I thought I lost my fucking mind. All those hours googling and it never had anything to do with Pitbull. Today at the gym I downloaded it onto iTunes because i knew it was the kind of beat that would make me love running the track. Two laps in I heard it, "Pitbull baby Pitbull baby." That was his whole line. In the entire song. That was IT. No wonder he wasn’t listed as featuring. Either way, I put that bitch on repeat and rocked out at the gym.
So. The song playing on my blog is the song that made me crazy for over a week. I double dog dare you to turn this up and NOT start dancing. Go ahead I dare you.
I’ve been doing circuit training at the gym. I hired the trainer and he kicked my ass the first day. Then he gave me home work. Today’s homework was, 3 laps around track, 15 pull ups and 15 shoulder presses. Repeat this three times. Well feeling like a bad ass I also added in three sets of 15 full body sit ups while holding a four pound medicine ball! I did the whole thing in 18 minutes. Then because I was still feeling studly I went and did five laps in the pool with the kick board like Yesterday. Only today after that I thought, "I’m such a bad ass today I’m going to see if I remember how to swim with out a kick board."
AND I DID! I did another 5 laps and headed off to the steam room (hot tub was being cleaned) I am officially awesome. Until tomorrow when I see the trainer again and he comes up with some new way to make me want to vomit.
About the hot tub. Yesterday while sitting in there I looked down at my boobs and made the discovery that, when you are sitting in water, it makes your boobs float up into a nice little perky happy land. I spent a good five minutes admiring my twenty year old boobs from way back when. I recommend sitting in a hot tub and staring at your floaty full boobs any time you are feeling sad.
No matter how much I’ve been working out me and stairs still don’t get along. Every time I walk down the stairs my legs hurt. They hate me. But guess what? Walking down stairs in stilettos MUCH MUCH MUCH WORSE.
I vow to live in slippers for the remainder of the year.
I am now on a mission for some work out pants. I want work out pants that fit like Spanx. They will suck your belly in and make it look good. Pull your ass up and make your thighs invisible. Because those exist right? I’m over my pants, my belly isn’t sucked in enough which makes me totally want to run out of the gym and eat pie somewhere because at least I look like someone who belongs in a restaurant eating pie. I DO NOT look like someone who belongs in a gym running around the track with their jelly jiggling around.
To make myself feel better about my jiggly jiggles I made the ultimate super awesome work out playlist. It is as follows.
Pump Up the Jam by Technotronic
Sexy Bitch by David Guetta
Shake My by Three 6 Maffia
We Made You by Eminem
The Next Episode By Dr. Dre
Without Me by Eminem
The Real Slim Shady by Eminem
Forgot about Dre by Dr. Dre
You will notice there is NOT any Miley Cyrus on there.
Speaking of. Last night someone said something to me that apparently I should have known. And all snarkily in my head I said "I guess I didn’t get the memo." And I was officially living in a Miley Cyrus song.