Letters from the crypt

Dear self,

When you are in the shower using your Philosophy Microdelivery peel it is a really bad idea to stick it in your eye you dumbfuck.

Signed exfoliated eyeball in Reno.


Dear dumb Miley Cyrus song,

How many fucking times can they fucking play you on the goddamn fucking radio.


So not partying in the USA


Dear cousin,

No I didn’t put the fucking Miley Cyrus song on my iPod you big jerk ass.



Dear trainer,

Mountain climbers.  REALLY! Is this my punishment for the donuts and ice cream I ate this weekend?

Fucking mountain climbers.


My legs are still shaking

Dear self,

Why why why would you admit to your trainer that you hadn’t been to the gym since Wednesday.  It is like holding a giant red flag saying please please kill me!

Signed, I may never walk again


In other news.  When I got married I wanted to take my husbands name, however I didn’t want to lose my maiden name because it was all I had left of my grandma.  I went to the social security office and had my name changed to Shannon middle name middle name married name. Let me tell you a little story about that.  I happened to go there the day after social security checks were supposed to come out.  Which means every low life in town was down there complaining. I was surrounded by old ass men talking about how they used to be a great football player in high school and that they don’t really need social security because they are so fucking super awesome. I was down there with Codi holding him for dear life because I was convinced I was going to get jumped. 4 hours later I got my fucking name changed. However the DMV apparently couldn’t handle that and forced me to hyphenate my last name.  So I became, Shannon Middle name maiden name-married name.  I was so pissed off.  What bothered me the most is that even though my social security card CLEARLY shows you my legal name, because of the asshole DMV I have been forced to be hyphenated.  I hate it.  My last name is my husband and his only.  My bank makes me hyphenated, my bills EVERYTHING.  The frustrating part is, if they can’t fit the whole name they just cut it off at the maiden name, totally losing my husbands name all together.  After giving it much thought I have decided that my maiden name died when my grandma did.  I think I am finally ready to let go.  Now my only hurdle is to go back to the social security office and not bomb anyone.  Then I have to go around and have my maiden name removed from everything.  Pray for me.

What is your opinion?  Did you keep your maiden name?  Did you hyphenate?  What did you do, what do you think about this topic?


8 thoughts on “Letters from the crypt

  1. To your last question, my fiance already said, “Oh when we get married you’ll be Sarah Lynn Clydesdale-Bernardo” UH HECK NO! I’m dropping Clydesdale. It’s unique but it’s too long and hyphenating it would make it ridiculously long! I’m fine with changing it to just Bernardo.


  2. The fact that they made you hyphenate and then it gets cut off everything is annoying…I would change it to just married name if that works for you.
    For me personally my gut is to not change my name at all but that could change based on future husbands feeling about it.
    However professionally I am keeping my maiden name. I’m not a doctor or anything but I feel I owe my education and profession to my parents and therefore for work purposes I am keeping my maiden name.
    Swing by my blog when you get a chanve I have an award for you 🙂
    Miss you!


  3. I changed my name, but that would really pi$$ me off, BIG time. What the heck is the problem, if you didn’t hyphenate you shouldn’t have to. Stupid DMV!


  4. When I got married, I dropped my middle name, made my maiden name my new middle name, and took my husbands name as my last name.
    It worked out nicely. I never liked my middle name very much, and this way I still have a piece of my maiden self…


  5. I am in the same boat as Kris H… I used to be Sarah Jennings Mills (barf, barf, BARF! What the hell kind of middle name is that Mom?! WTF??), and when I got married, I changed it to Sarah Mills Humphreys. Muuuuuch better!


  6. I’m Swistle Middle Maiden Married. I write it Swistle M. M. Married on forms in an effort to help the poor confused people understand it’s two middle names, but they still have a lot of trouble. The birth certificates of my children are so screwed up, I seriously hope no one tries to recreate a family tree with them later on. (Okay, fine, they’re not all that screwed up, but they wouldn’t let me HAVE two middle names on the form, which is STUPID because WHY ON EARTH NOT? THAT IS MY NAME, MY LEGAL NAME.)
    My kids are all First Middle Maiden Married, too, so we match and Paul is the odd one out with only three names.
    I think I’d be ready now to drop my original middle name and be Swistle Maiden Married. That sure would be a lot easier—but now Middle is on all the kids’ birth certificates, and also I don’t feel strongly enough about it to go through all the fuss.


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