In which you leave here more annoyed then you came

For the last four days my husband and I have been going round and round with songs stuck in our head.  The other night I intentionally started singing one because I just knew it would get to him.  I was right, the next morning he woke up so pissed off because he had been singing it all night. 

That would be the one by Shinedown, you know the lyrics: (Lyrics here 50 seconds into the song)

It’s 4:03 and I can’t sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea

It was payback for the other night when he put that stupid fucking Taylor Swift song in my head: 

Listen hear to hear the song 39 seconds in)

But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts
She’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up
And find what you’re looking for has been here the whole time
She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
Shes cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you’re looking for has been here the whole time

(That one didn’t go away for almost ten days)


Last night it was: (Click here to hear the song) 18 seconds  into the song

Tag Team back again
check and direct and let’s begin
Party on party people let me hear some noise
DC’s in the house jump jump rejoice
There’s a party over here
a party over there
Wave your hands in the air
Shake your deriere
These three words when you’re gettin’ busy
Whoomp there it is

And just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse I started singing Whoomp there it is, in the form of a song my cousin and I made for our favorite pizza place, (Lisa I dare you to see if you can remember as much of the song as me).

But today, oh today it was the worst of all (click here to hear) (13 seconds in)

Blinded by the light,
Revved up like a deuce,
Another runner in the night

What is the problem with that song?

Have you ever heard of the websites making fun of the songs with the most commonly misheard lyrics?

Here, go ahead, check out #29.  Yeah, that is what I was singing all day,

Revved up like DOUCHE another runner in the night.


I can’t tell you how many of the lyrics on that website I thought were right.  Like Zombie, from the Cranberries, yeah for about 3 years I swear it said" salami salami."

Okay, misheard lyrics are not what I came to talk about.  What I want to know is, what is the song most commonly stuck in your head? Or what song is stuck in your head right now.

For all you moms out there I’ll give you my favorite kid one.


Batter up, whats your song?

Did that really just happen? Can people actually be nice?

Last week I ordered Brandon a cute new lunch box.  I was tired of his metal one.  It was fine when he was little but now that he is older and I need to cram a lot more stuff into it I knew a taller more flexible one was in order.  I’ve been eyeing this Mackenzie Retro lunch box for months now and I kept talking myself out of buying it.  

(His is the cute little orange on there)

However last week, when i got my  moms Pottery Barn card statement in the mail I noticed a $25.00 gift card.  I scooped it right up (sorry mom) and ordered that sucker faster then you can say YEE HAW.  I told Brandon he was getting a new one, a "squishy" one like dad’s and he was over the moon.  Every day asking if it was there yet.  When it finally came he packed it all around the house totally empty.  Of course this thrilled Codi because that kid’s been eyeing Brandon’s metal Superman lunch box for quite some time now.  Codi grabbed Brandons old lunchbox and RAN!

** Side note, I don’t know why on earth Codi wants a lunch box SINCE HE DOESN’T EAT. Oh wait thats right, to shove his Nerf bullets in.

Anyway two days after we got the lunch box the handle started to come apart.  It was only a little bit so I kind of ignored it.  But now about five days later the handle has unraveled so bad I can see the Styrofoam. 

I wanted to replace it but no part of me wanted to deal with customer service, and returning it, and shipping and then waiting for them to receive it before they sent me the new one. I gave up today and called them.  I had the order#, the receipt, the card number, etc.  Here is the conversation that took place.

Me: Hi, I was calling about the recent order I received.

Lady: Can I have the order number

Me: 1234567

Lady: Okay the Mackynze lunch box, what is wrong with it

Me: Well the handle has started to unfray and I can see the Styrofoam inside of it.

Lady: Would you like to replace it

Me: Yes please

Lady: Okay I will have a replacement sent out to you right away, you can keep or discard the old one

Me: Um?  Don’t I have to send the old one back or something

Lady: No ma’am go ahead and keep it and your new one will arrive in 3-5 business days

Me:  Uhhh, ummm uhh okay thank you



When does that ever happen?  I mean.  I’m at a loss for words.  Normally they would argue with you.  They would make you pay to send it back to them and then wait until they returned it.  But no.  This woman, this goddess of customer service did none of that.  She simply said she would replace it, it would be right out and that was all.  I am so confused.  I was all prepped up for a fight or a stressful situation and I got neither and now I’m sitting here feeling a little….confused, I mean, I feel like I got kind of jacked of the argument I was all prepped for. 

Anywho, I highly recommend Pottery Barn after that.  In fact I’ve never had a bad experience with them EVER.  Not in store, not on the phone, not online, never.  

I just wanted to share my pleasant experience with all of you, just so some of my mom friends out there can know, there actually is hope for parenting customer service!

Why yes I am a fucking idiot

 Lets do a science project mkay.

Hypothesis: If I lower my meds will I be stable enough to feel normal.

Directions: Monday lower meds from 300mg to 200 mg

Following Monday lower meds from 200mg to 150 mg

Following Monday NOT SO MUCH


So. Yeah. About three weeks ago I decided to see what would happen if I lowered one of my medicines. I noticed immediately which I thought was weird, I kind of thought it would take a while to change. By the time I hit 150 mg I knew I had made a very big mistake. There is no way I am ready for that. I noticed immediately that I was having a difficult time wanting to be happy. Before, when thoughts came into my head, such as the family I no longer talk to, or my weight, or happenings from that day, I was doing a very good job of pushing past them and moving them to the back of my head. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t stop wanting to wallow in self pity all together but I was doing a damn good job of trying. The past week I’ve caught myself holding onto the negative thoughts and letting my head dwell on them, and fester until I was right back where I was before the medicine. I found myself putting dangerous songs on repeat purposely. I found it hard to be motivated for the gym. I still went because I don’t like being fat, but it was hard to express the same enthusiasm I had the weeks before. Sunday when I went to the gym, also the day I realized I needed to go back to my correct dose of medicine I made sure to make a safe playlist. Upbeat music. HIppity Hoppity shit that would make it impossible to do more then run or walk and bop my head.

Of course I noticed myself yelling more. Getting annoyed more. Becoming irritated at everything. And just being a general asshole again. My husband noticed too (luckily I was smart enough to tell him I was lowering my meds so he was able to call me on it). The other night while trying to prepare the following days lunch I became overwhelmed and kind of just stopped and freaked out. Rob looked at me and asked me what was wrong and somehow I was able to sort of snap out of it. Not entirely though, my mood stuck in the back of my head, and I realized I was torn between wanting to acknowledge it, and wanting to sink deeper in. My choice was to take a shower, put Codi to bed, take some Meletonin (and herbal sleeping pill) and fall asleep before I could do anymore damage to my mind.

I am glad I did this little experiment. If not I think I would continue wondering if I had been ready to come off for a long time, or if I needed to stay where I was. Obviously I need to stay where I am, but that doesn’t mean I don’t hope that eventually I will be able to lower my medicine and have it work. I raised it back up, and annoyingly I realized I didn’t notice the affect of raising it as fast as I did when I lowered it. I’m still stuck here in a sort of catch 22, half of me wants to feel good and half of me doesn’t. The problem with that is, it gets very tireing being in my head while both sides sit there and battle. I think it’s almost the worst of all because trying so hard to control my head means I’m not focusing on the thins I should be.

At my last doctors appointment he asked how I was feeling and I couldn’t quite pinpoint it. Finally he said, "distracted?" That was it, that is exactly how I’ve been feeling. Even on the medicine I noticed myself having a hard time concentrating all at once, I’m here, I’m there, I’m over or under. We talked about it all, and adjusted the times I would take my medicine hoping it would help. It might have, had I not decided to try lowering my medicine.

So anyway that’s where I am, standing here in limbo waiting for the medicine to kick back in so I can feel normal again. I realize this post kind of went no where but I figured I would let you all know where I was medicine wise, and also make sure I documented this so someday years from now, I can be prepared for what might happen when I get off my medicine. I hadn’t written much about it, because every time I do it’s inevitable that someone will want to talk about it, and talking isn’t what I want. I just want to come here, say my piece get it off my chest and go about my day.

So.  The moral of the story is, don’t be a fucking moron like me, and keep your ass on your medicine unless you want to end up eating every donut in sight and then breaking things because you can’t figure out what granola bar to pack for lunch.  I mean obviousy it’s your decision, I’m just saying…..

The story of a tattoo

Okay.  I will tell you this story if you PROMISE NOT TO LAUGH AT ME.  Capeesh.

I have a giant crush on Tommy Lee. I know I know, I don’t get it either but DUDE something about that guy really gets my engines going.  Not to mention the drums, my God drums are hot.  

(Insert longing sigh here).

When I was pregnant with Brandon, Tommy’s book came out.


My favorite part of the book is when he talked about the time his son walked up and wrote his name on his wrist.  Tommy thought it was so cool he had his other son come in and do it and then called his tattoo artist right up and had it tattooed right then and there.  From that moment on I knew, I would have those same tattoos.


Seee dude how could anyone not be crushing on that, with his nice very in shape body, and all those delicious tattoos, and that obviously rugged bad boy look, that is an actual bad boy look, not some look Hollywood forced upon a guy. And honestly after reading his book, and reading the….things he got away with in Motley Crue, the unfathomable things they did for his drum solo performances, I really dare you not to form a teeny little crush either.  Go on, I dare you.

I loved that the names were actually written by his boys.  I think it is cute that Dylans name is part big letters and little letters, and of the letters on Brandons name is backwards.  I finally saved the money and went for it.  Codi’s name will come next, the second he writes his name the first time I’ll be down at that shop, Codi will be in green.


But it gets better.  Last week Rob came to me and said that he had an idea for a tattoo but he wanted to surprise me.  Later in the day he said he wanted to tell me in case I wouldn’t like it.  Finally he told me that he wanted to tattoo my name on his ring finger.  This was so special to me because A: he always said he would never have a girls name tattooed on him.  And B: he wanted to do it because he has to take his ring off for work, and although he wears it on a chain around his name, it’s never felt the same, so he figured he could get a permanent ring for me.  

I started laughing right away.


(look very closely you can see Pams, and Tommys is visible between her pointer and second finger.)

Rob just looked at me, rolled his eyes and said, "Of course Tommy Lee would have that, of course."   After he left I googled pictures to find their ring tattoos and emailed him right away saying SEE SEE IT’S FATE.  

Can you even imagine how stoked I was? MY NAME!  The same way Pam and Tommy did it.  I was thrilled.  It felt like it must fate.  I was amazed he would do that just to show his love for me.  Of course they broke up which led to him blacking it out some.  I was pretty devestated because in my mind they should be together forever.  She was ever in his book talking too him and teasing him.  They were laughing and talking like old friends as the ghost writer wrote the book.

And although I realize there are skeptics out there saying this might not last forever. He and I both believe it will.  My tattoo is currently being drawn up, it is a rather large tattoo for my back including the boys names and birthdays and then in the center R&S with our wedding date.  I want it weaved into the eternity symbol.  My husbands friend is an amazing artist so I can’t wait to see what he comes up with.

Anyway, there you have it, one of my dirty little secrets, I am totally in love with Tommy Lee (he is second on my list of people, following Edward of course.)

I can’t wait to see what commonality we will find next.  (Aside from my obvious addiction to tattoos, I swear if I had tons of money sitting around I would have some pretty cool shit on my body already.) Will Brandon or Codi grow up and suddenly want to be drummers? (omg I hope it’s Brandon because all the ladies already want him.)  Will Rob and I wind up with a stripper pole in our room one day? (Non likely, but then again I never thought he would tattoo my name on his body either.) No matter what it is, I am convinced there will be more in our lives that somehow intertwine together the way they already have.


Okay…I’m done writing, so you can go ahead and laugh at me.

I thought I was past all this hormonal shit

**News Flash** 



Even better, don’t watch it on your period, hormonal and on a treadmill at the gym.  Dude.  You guys, it was all I could do to not break down and cry.  Every time they switched to footage of them pulling someone out my eyes would get all watery and I had to try very hard to not cry, because it wouldn’t be a little cry it was going to be one of those sobbing ugly snotty cries.  And I really don’t think the people at the gym would appreciate me wiping snot with my hands and then touching the treadmill.

I am amazed at the people who are on this show.  I am not sure there have ever been this many famous people under one roof before.  If you missed it, like I did you can watch the performers here.

(It shows each performance on it’s own so make sure you watch each one)

((I am trying very hard to find footage of the entire thing, if you find it please send me the link)

You should watch it, it is beautiful and touching.  But I give this disclaimer, if you are pregnant, on your period or any kind of hormonal watch it with 17 boxes of tissue and a very large bowl of ice cream and/or a fistful of chocolate to ease the sadness. Plus, since it is for a good cause I am really pretty sure the calories don’t count.  Right?

Anyway, I don’t really have much more to say, I really just wanted to post the link in case any of you missed this.  Hug the one you love tonight extra tight okay!



An open letter to the assholes in the ice cream industry

Every year around this time you ice cream guys have a moment of genius and release the line of GIRL SCOUT COOKIE ICE CREAMS.  Of course this includes the Thin Mint ice cream.  Other wise known as the closest thing to a food orgasm that mankind knows.  My favorite part about it all is that you were awesome enough to make it in slow churn too.

Here is where my beef comes in.

Tonight I went to the store and what did I find? Wonderful glorious delicious Thin Mint ice cream.  I nearly choked when I walked by it, which wouldn’t have been as bad if I hadn’t also nearly ran over some guy because instead of watching where I was pushing my cart, I was staring at ice cream. 

The problem?

You didn’t have it out in slow churn yet.


Why is it you think it is fair to tease us fatheads like that?  I wouldn’t be as mad as I am if I didn’t know that both ice creams are supposed to be available at the same time.  Want proof.

Do you see that shit?  You fuckers are supposed to make both kinds available at the same goddamn time and they aren’t.


I’m beginning to wonder if this isn’t some kind of sick joke that you and the diet people are in on.  It’s a game.  Oooo, let’s see how long the fatties can hold out before they give in and buy the indulgent, luxurious, delicious full fat carton of mouth watering Thin Mint ice cream.  You assholes know I won’t be able to make it more then two shopping trips before giving in.  It’s like you want me to wake up and hate myself in the morning.  It is as if you sit back in your big expensive leather office chair counting down the seconds until my will power fails. 

Not to mention, when it’s all said and done and you finally release the low fat one you know I’ll feel so guilty for eating all of those delicious calories that I’ll scoop up a tub or two of the low fat ice cream to make myself feel better about the jelly jiggling on my thighs.  Which means you are going to get double my money.

Piece of shit fucking ice cream company.  Get your shit together and have some respect for us fatties.  We want our little taste of heaven at night after dinner too, and we’d like to do it with out knowing we are going to wake up in the morning with a sugar hangover and noticing that now that the ice cream goggles are off we have pieces of cookie in our hair and ice cream smeared on our face and we weigh ten pounds more.

Get your shit together fuckers before I move on from ice cream and fall in love with Twinkies or Ding Dongs or something.


Yours truly,

My ass would have a chance to be smaller if you had your shit together (In Reno)

It's delurking week

Didja know its delurker week? 

What is delurking?  Well, its where all of you readers come out of the wood work and let all of your blogger buddies know you are reading.  I know there are a lot of readers out there, who read but are afraid to comment, and this is your chance to come out and let us know you are reading. Knowing we have readers is a great way to make us writers feel like we have a reason to keep writing. So my bloggy buddies, come out come out where ever you are, leave me a comment and delurk!  It’s also a great way to get you out of your rss readers.  I know so many of you read but don’t have the patience to click out of your Google readers, so click out man!

In honor of delurking week I’m going to tell all of you a little bit about me.

First, lets discuss three things that drive me bonkers.

Thing one.  When you buy a brand new tube of chapstick, pull it out in the car and put it on.  In them midst of that, you drop the fucking lid.  I couldn’t find the goddamn lid which meant I had to drive around with my chapstick propped up in just the right spot in my car.  If not, since I drive a mom car, if that chapstick tipped over anywhere in my vehicle it would inevitably end up covered in crumbs and dirt and all kinds of other child yuckies.  Of course it would be my luck that I would grab said toxic chapstick and spread it all over my lips before realizing what I had just done.  So, for the last two weeks I have been driving around with my chapstick meticulously placed like this.

That is a pain in the ass, because I can’t just reach into my console to grab something with out worrying that I will cover my chapstick in hair and junk.  DRIVES ME FUCKING NUTS.


Thing 2

Every day I take a shower.  I get out of the shower douse myself in lotion and then put on deodorant.  The issue?  Have you ever tried to take a fucking deodorant lid off with your hands covered in lotion? IT IS IMPOSSIBLE.  I end up having to find a towel, cover both hands and pry that bastard off.  You might ask,"but Shannon why not put the deodorant on first?  I swear I mean to ever time.  But I am so habit forming that I can’t seem to break that habit.  I can not for the life of me remember to put the deodorant on first.  You would think I would stop so I didn’t annoy the fuck out of myself every day.

Thing 3

I went to the doctor the other day and they asked for a urine sample.  I was thrilled because I walked in and had to pee like a motherfucker.  I ran to the bathroom, grabbed the cup and NOTHING.  Can I just tell you how badly I get stage fright when I have to pee in a cup?  Worse, I get stage fright peeing in public restrooms.  Yup, if I going into a bathroom and someone is in the stall next to me, I freeze up and can’t pee until they leave.

Yes.  I am weird.


Lets see.  I’m married, to the very best husband ever.  We have the strangest relationship on the planet, and by strange I mean, we are actually happy, and we still love each other.  He still grabs my ass every day, and I still find myself rubbing on his muscular arms or soft chest and belly.

He makes me laugh every day…even when he does shit like this

But then he redeems himself

He lets me drag him out to the park and the library with our kids, and goes willingly

He even lets me come to baseball games with him, and doesn’t get "too" mad when I ask questions every 14 seconds. (In my defense before the game he told me I had free reign on asking any question I wanted so I could get more familiar withe game.  He sooo didn’t know what he was signing up for).  The best part is, I walked away really loving that night, and I’m eager now to see many more games with him

I have two of the most amazing little boys.  Codi, my sweet little clown.  Always so happy. He is growing so big.  He can walk down stairs with out sitting on his butt and scooting.  He talks in full sentences now.  He can throw a mean punch.  And he loves his brother more then anything.

He is always doing something new to make me laugh.  He finds delight in the small things.  Codi was the second child I almost didn’t have.  I had made a decision to have only one child.  But one day, something clicked in my head, divine intervention and I knew I needed one more.  Sometimes I feel like God made sure I had this little boy, because he knew he was the one thing missing from our family.  When I was pregnant with him I almost lost him and spent 7 months on bedrest.  Those 7 months were well worth it to get this little man.

Even though my little Codi bug doesn’t eat much, he sure does delight in the moments he does choose to eat.

Codi loves being outside, he loves chasing me on his bike, but most of all he loves making me laugh.


My first born Brandon is…the most important thing I’ve ever done.  I raised him knowing nothing about being a mom.  I raised him with my moms words in the back of my head, "no matter what I do in life, he will be the best thing I ever did.

Even if he is going through a time where he loves his dad the most, I try and squeeze in a little mommy time with him.  We like to spend time cooking together.

Although sometimes cooking means throwing caution into the wind and making s’mores in our fireplace.

My Brandon is a genius.  I’ve never met a child as smart as him.  I’ve never known a kid with such strong emotions.  But let me tell you, when Brandon is happy, he is happy with his whole body.  He shows his happiness with his most amazing smile (he sooo got that from his mom.  He also already has the most perfect driving skills that I’ve ever seen, he drives better then some 20 year olds I know.

He delights and making me laugh with the silliest little things, and I’m already sad for every girl’s heart he breaks in high school.

I also have a wonderful support system in the form of my family

My mom is the best grandma ever she makes my boys their own birthday cakes

She doesn’t get mad when my boys do things like this to her Thanksgiving pie

She does an excellent job baby sitting my kids, and they come home only slightly different then we left them, (I men what is a little paint right)

My dad, is the boys idol.  I’ve never seen two boys idolize someone so much.  It is often said that my dad is steel and my boys are magnets.  There is NOTHING on the planet that my dad wouldn’t do for these boys.  Some of his favorites are, getting them out of time out, buying them secret popsicles, and being a total sucker for their puppy dog eyes.

Papa, always makes sure to teach my kids the important things in life.  He taught Brandon all about birds.

Yes, I have two of the best parents a girl could ask for.

While I’m bragging I should mention my friends.

My friend Ginger has more patience with my boys then I’ve ever known a friend to have.  When she walks in the boys run to her and immediately try to drag her into the other room to play.  Aside from her patience with them, she has the most incredible amount of patience for me.  She tolerates my crazy, my emotional mood swings, my ridiculous out looks on life.  She gets me.

She is also notorious for letting them eat raw cookie dough when I’m not looking, and also letting them help us bake Christmas cookies.

Sometimes her bright ideas with my boys lead to cookie sheets that look like this.

I won’t even begin to tell you what my floor looked like after her genius idea to leave the little shit heads alone with all of the sprinkles.

I am thankful for my friend Katie, who trusted ME enough to watch her amazing little boy Dylan for nearly 8 months.  You can’t imagine the kind of trust it takes for a person to leave their child with you.  I can’t tell you how honored I felt ever day she brought him to me.

Katie has always been willing to geek out with me too, just ask her, we have a whole song about wet panties..I’ll let you make of that what you want.

I have the best cousin ever, who has never hesitated to get dressed up, go out, get trashed and make total asses of ourselves.  If only I had scanned the pictures of us drunk in college acting like total dumb asses.

Oh wait look, I found a couple pictures

**Edited to add, my cousin said I didnt put good enough pics of us up so fine, here proof that we are total retards.

I have the most amazing bloggy buddies, especially my dear dear dear Patty.  She is one of the sweetest kind hearted people I’ve ever known and I can’t tell you how lucky I was to meet her through the blog world.  See people this is why you need to delurk, you never know what kind of friends you are missing out one.


I extra special love Patty because she mails me NYC bagels and pizza and twice has knitted me two of the most beautiful scarves I’ve ever seen That I cherish more then anything.

I am lucky to have one of the greatest little cousins ever. She looks up to me so much, which I think about every day. I love knowing that someone sees me, crazy, mislead, chaotic, as a role model. She noticed my relationship with Rob and she wants something like that. Knowing there is a person out there who wants the same things I have, makes me feel like, I’m doing at least one thing right in the world. Not to mention she doesn’t give me too much hell when I stack her desk full of shit to do, and she even let me drag her all over Reno to take a gazillion senior pictures of her.  She loves me so much she wont even get mad that I post pictures of her when she was a weee little girl.


 I guess that leaves me a perpetual dieter.  A crazy girl with a misguided view of life.  I’m mostly naive.  I have a tenancy to trust all the wrong people, a habit of following my heart, and a knack for acting like a total jackass at times.  I would do anything and everything for my boys and my family.  My kids are my life, and like I said they are the best things I will ever do as long as I live.  I found a man who was my savior, who tolerates every mood swing, every ridiculous thing that comes out of my mouth, and every time I shove my cold hands up his shirt just do get warm.

I was brave enough to know when it was time to start taking medicine to keep me from being that wife who threw heavy things at her husband.  To prevent being the mom who screamed at her kids for nothing.  For never wanting to get off the couch.  I’m proud of myself for making the choice to get back to the gym and ENJOY IT.  I’ve learned to run a mile.  I almost have an arm muscle.  I would never show anyone but I have been known to secretly feel it when I’m all alone.  I write this blog to keep me sane.  So, that is why I ask you know, if you have actually made it through this entire post, please, delurk and let me know I’m not just writing for nothing.  I’m 28 and I still can’t spell definitly or immedietly.  I can’t do simple math without the help of Excel or a calculator.  And I’m not even ashamed to admit that in 4 years my son will be smarter then me.

So there you have it.  Shannon in a nutshell.  I love making my bloggy buddies laugh, I have a bad habit of cussing so don’t be stunned if my posts are loaded with words like fuck, shit, asshole motherfucker cocksucker.  I hope you enjoy reading my blog, as much as I enjoy writing it for you.  Anyway in honor of delurking week, leave me a comment, let me know you are out there!