Ode to insurance…or…why I want to rip their head off and shit in their neck

I know I know, it feels like everyone complains about insurance. Which is why I never have but y’all this time I’ve had it.  I’ve always been insured by my work which means I’m used to good insurance.  It was expensive as fuck but it had set prices.  None of this 80/20 shit, or deductible, or out of pocket IT WAS A SET FEE. You wanted surgery $500.00 wham bam thank you ma’am.  When my husband moved to his current job, to save my boss about $1,200.00 a month I moved onto his insurance, since I wasn’t having babies anymore insurance shouldn’t be an issue.  

They should have given out a free bottle of lube to each person who signed up.  This year is the worst.  THE WORST.  Things that have gone wrong so far.

My crazy doctor isn’t covered.  After much talking I was able to get a few more visits covered with him but he will now be listed as a specialist raising my co-pay from $25.00 to $50.00. 

My husbands nose doctor isn’t covered.  He was right in the middle of a procedure, still doing follow up’s from a surgery and we have to find a new doctor. Oh, and, he’s a specialist, there’s another $50.00.

My insurance offers exactly 12 psychiatrists in my area.  7 cater specifically to children.  2 are not taking new patients. 1 claims they aren’t covered by my insurance and VERY rudely told me that I must be reading wrong they could not possibly be listed on the screen in front of me, and that I should really try and read things right….yes, because I made up their phone number all on my own.  The two that are taking new patients are no help.  One is booked until September and the other one doesn’t even answer their phone until after 1pm. So.  There’s that.  Thanks for nothing!

I had my husband go pick up my refill for Prevacid.  I’ve been on this nearly four years now.  Why?  Because when I’m not I wake up in the middle of the night puking up acid burning bile and you know, that kind of hurts.  Guess why.  My insurance doesn’t cover it. They don’t even cover the generic.  In fact they flat out don’t cover the drug at all.  My doctor can write an appeal but before they approve it I will have to try two other prescribed medicines before they even think about possibly approving it.  The good news is I can pay cash out of pocket for Prevacid and it is only $159.00 per bottle per month, which isn’t bad right?  I don’t need power or water in my house.  Or, I can buy the kind they now sell over the counter.  They sell it in a half dose so to purchase enough to equal what I take it would be roughly $80.00.  Great to hear right?  Who needs cable or Internet?

Two more of my doctors will now be considered specialists meaning, what? HIGHER CO-PAY. 

I am supposed to have a surgery this year only we just got done paying off my husbands and our max out of pocket is $9,000.00 and you know I don’t really have nine grand just laying around.  To make it more fun I found out that the shot I need before the surgery (Lupron) isn’t even covered by insurance at all, not even 80/20 so I would have to come up with $700.00 out of pocket just to get the shot, $25.00 for a doctor visit to order the shot and $25.00 for the visit to administer the shot.  Then $25.00 for the pre-op.  Then the surgery, which includes paying, the doctor, the anesthesiologist, the hospital and the lab company.  Then of course the cost of a post op visit.  So I might as well sign over the next 6 months of my paychecks to that doctor.

Oh and.  My husbands new nose doctor informed me that his old nose doctor did the wrong thing and the surgery we just paid for was basically moot and he wants to do a new surgery so lets see, co-pay + hospital + mental institution + loads of alcohol + post op = JESUS FUCKING HELL SOMEONE KILL ME.

I know my husbands work saved a lot of money with this insurance plan but what in the fuck did he think it would do to us?  And where in the hell is my free tub of lube for being forced to deal with this bullshit insurance company, and what the fuck don’t I even get a bottle of wine or something?  If I’m going to get screwed you can at least buy me a drink first!


5 thoughts on “Ode to insurance…or…why I want to rip their head off and shit in their neck

  1. I feel your pain. My daughter is 3, and I am in the process of switching pediatricians for the third fucking time. Every time we get comfortable with a doctor, the insurance company drops them. Then I get stuck with all these crazy out-of-network bills because no one at the doctor’s office told me that they don’t accept our insurance anymore.


  2. Oh Shannon, you have it worse than me, I thought I was in a hole being screwed out of my vision and dental insurance by my government job! 😮 Insurance sucks!


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