A few weeks back I went to Target to get myself a couple new notebooks.  I always keep one in my car and one in my purse.  I bought these:

After that I was reading Patty’s blog and she had written a post about “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” Mark Twain” her notebook, and that she needed a new one.

This was her notebook:

I was horrified.  HORRIFIED.  What kind of notebook is that?  I had a near panic attack thinking that Patty needed a new notebook and that Patty herself might go buy another notepad as horrendus as this one.  Right away I drove back to Target (it was 7pm) and bought Patty a set of matching notebooks.  I got the big one because it was spiral like hers and the small one in case she ever carried a small purse (ahahahhahahahah Patty carry a small purse, that is fucking hilarious).  

The next day I brought them to work and opened the big one so I could write a little note to Patty.  I used my favorite teal pen, that made my handwriting almost look sort of nice and wrote a cute little note to her.  I gave them to my mom to take to the post office and then every day for the next two weeks I asked Patty if she had received her notebooks yet.

Finally today I gave up and decided they must be lost so off I went to Target.  LIsa met me there and we went to look at the notebooks.  My head nearly exploded.  The ones I bought her were gone but there was about 17 new ones that I wanted BAD! Very bad.  I grabbed about nine (it could have been more) and Lisa and I walked over to get Codi a new pair of Croc type shoes.  After that we headed to the little girls department because I wanted to show her this skirt I almost bought her daughter for her birthday, but didn’t because I was worried it was too short.  We were walking and talking and then BAMMMMM I was ass on the ground. My right foot slid completely out from under me and I went into the splits.  Lisa laughed and said my long Maxi dress is the only thing that kept me from going full on splits.  My knee hurt and my hand but I got up. I looked down and realized there was some wet stuff all over the floor.  My ass was SOAKED.  The worst part is I was wearing little boy short undies so the remainder of the trip I had to walk around pulling my dress back so it didn’t get all wet and sticky on my ass.  Whatever it was it was sticky and yucky.  After much debating I narrowed it down to these notebooks.  They will be in the mail for Patty tomorrow.

The only problem is that now I am jealous and I want Patty’s notebooks.  I want them reallllllllly bad.  If I had the money I would go buy them again for myself. 

Anyway the moral of the story is, my ass hurts, my brand new dress is stuck to my right ass cheek, my steering wheel is sticky from the shit I fell in and Patty’s things are cuter then mine.

I hope you love them Patty, I measured and they should all be just the right size (the one on the right is for in case you ever happen across a small purse and need a small notebook). 

My favorite part of the story is that when Lisa and I walked back by two employees were standing around the spill I fell in saying,  “well what should we do, should we wipe it up?”  “I dunno I mean what do you think it is, it’s clear does it really matter.”

Employees of the year right there.

And in case you are wondering, when I just stood up my dress was stuck to my ass!