I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that Codi is pretty much potty trained. He wakes up dry every day but I’m mostly too nervous to let him sleep with out a diaper or pull up. This mean he is really new to learning when and where to go potty.
Last week I pick the boys up from school and I’ve become pretty good friends with his teacher so we chat for a while and then leave. I walk out and notice her boyfriend there ready to pick her up and I smile and keep walking to the car. I have a lunch box and a bunch of papers in my hand so my goal is just to get all of that in the car before the boys take off running through the rocks and trying to climb the flag pole. I get to the car and Brandon says, "mom I have to go potty." Of course I said, "dude we were just inside for over 10 minutes why didn’t you say it then?" As I’m saying this I’m putting all the shit in the car when I hear Codi of course repeat that he he has to go potty too. I put the last of the stuff in the car and look up to tell them we can go inside when I see Codi standing directly in front of the Pre School doors (and right in front of his teachers boyfriend) with his pants and undies all the way around his ankles thrusting his "parts" out as far as he can giggling his ass off and PEEING alllllll over the side walk. I was too embarrassed to look at the boyfriend to see if he noticed so I just grab Codi mid pee and was dashing to the car while trying to pull his undies up at the same time. I get to the car open the door and turn around to see Brandon (my very smart very potty trained, knows better 4 year old) standing about three feet from where Codi just was standing pants around his ankles thrusting his "parts" out even far, no hands and just laughing his ass off trying to see how far across the sidewalk he could pee.
Then I died. Because at this point I saw about three other parents were coming in and out, the boyfriend for sure saw and one of the teachers had even seen. I get Brandon in the car and his teacher comes walking out to meet her boyfriend and I said, and I quote, "DO YOU SEE WHAT MY ASSHOLE LITTLE KIDS JUST DID." She looks down, sees two puddles and looks up at me, looks down again and is like," OMG is that pee???????? The mortified look on my face confirmed it. She told me she was going to talk to Brandon about tomorrow and we were one our way.
Minutes later she texted me to tell me that her boyfriend saw the whole thing and was STILL laughing about it. In fact the next day he was still laughing about it. The remainder of that ride home went from bad to worse. Codi spent the next fifteen minutes saying FUCK FUCK FUCK. This prompted Brandon to say, "moooooom Codi said FUCK CODI SAID FUCK."
I was about 4 seconds from ripping my pink hair out. Instead I said, "Brandon, you know you don’t have to REPEAT the word Codi said, you can just say Codi said a bad word." The car was silent for about 13 seconds before the two of them went at it again. Codi touched Brandons car seat, so Brandon punched him and on and on and on and on. And then Brandon says, "moooooooom Codi is being an ASSBUTT."
I deserved that didn’t I? That’s what I get for calling my boys assholes right in front of their face huh?
I called Rob and told him I was meeting him right away and he was taking the kids because I was about 4 seconds from totally curling in a ball and dying! I dropped them off, drove to Scheels, returned some shoes, then got myself a nice cup of gelatto. But don’t worry, I went right to the gym after!