Operation DUMBASS

I’m pretty sure somewhere in heaven God is laughing at me.  I carry a purse.  Inside my purse is my wallet.  Inside of my wallet is my little card case.


Inside of that I have my id, my debit card, my chick account debit card and my Smiths card.  I keep those in the little case because sometimes if I’m just going to dinner or a movie I don’t want to carry my wallet, so I just grab that.  I carry my purse often, but if I’m being truthful it usually hangs out in my car doing nothing but carrying stuff I "might" need one day.  (Note to car jackers: Ha ha if you break in and steal my purse, you just scored, two notebooks, a MAC lip gloss, kids toys, infant motrin, and two pens, that’s one hell of a steal huh.) I bring my purse in the house once in a while, if my parents take my car, or if I need to get my checkbook or whatever.  These are the stories of why THAT IS A REALLY FUCKING STUPID IDEA!

Two months ago weeks ago I pick Brandon up from school and because I’m feeling nice I decide to surprise him and take him to get that Birthday cake milkshake that Burger King had for a while.  He was sooo excited.  We go in and order.  Milkshake, kids cheese burger, fries for Codi, and a milk.  Then the guy asks for my card.  No problem, I reach into my wallet and NO CARD CASE.  Goddamit I had went out the night before and the fucking thing was in my pants pocket in my laundry hamper AT HOME.  


I just stare at the guy

Uhhh, I don’t have a debit card (this looks 3 times more stupid because I have a wallet in my hand so I look like I’m full of shit) so um, yeah can you cancel that order.  I was soo embarrassed.  Who cancels an order at a fast food place?  Of course since I promised Brandon that meant I had to drive home, get my debit card and go back.  Since there is only one Burger King near me I had to go to that one and REORDER from the same guy.  Walk of shame people.

So, two months later feeling nice again I decide to stop and let Brandon get a Double Stack (NOT a double cheese burger, not a junior double cheese burger a DOUBLE STACK) with a side of bacon, ketchup only, two frosties and fries for Codi.  The lady says "great that will be $6.98."


OMFG I am in the drive through with no wallet. None, no wallet, card case, nothing and I’m pretty sure Burger King won’t take a check.  I did the adult thing and sped out of there as fast as I could.  I was lucky that I could drive out of that drive through with out actually passing the window.  Both of the boys started yelling at me about their frosties and double stack and FAIL MOM.  Back home we go.  Get the wallet and since I’m NOT going back to the same drive through and ordering the same meal I convince Brandon that Burger King has a great double cheeseburger (thank god he loved it).  


Fast forward to today.  I was at work, and Brandon is sick so he was at work with me.  Rob doesn’t get off work until six which means I would have to miss the gym because I don’t want to take a sick kid to the gym (do you hear that mom who brought her kid to the gym daycare with pink eye ASSHOLE).  I ask my mom if I get the boys to sleep at the same time can I go to the gym during work. This is fine, but it suddenly turns into about 4 more errands.  Okay cool it’s nice out who doesn’t mind driving.  Then I remembered I had to pick up a building permit. And since my city is broke the permit place is only open until three rather then 4:30 like normal. FUCK!  I have to go now.  I have one hour and thirty minutes.  I needed to go pay a bill, hit up three banks, go to Office Depot and do that.  I pay the bill and I have one hour and fifteen minutes left.  I decide that when I go to the gym I want to swim.  But crap I don’t have my gym bag so I don’t have a bathing suit.  GENIUS I’ll just run to Walmart and buy one. You have got to be kidding, I don’t have my fucking purse.  I contemplate driving home but realize I have my check book, SCORE.  I look at the clock I have 14 minutes and I know I can make it in time.  I run in and manage to find a massively cute bathing suit and even find matching tops and bottoms (impossible at Walmart, I think people buy all of the bottoms to the bathing suit I like just to fuck with me).  I get up to the check out and was so happy to see that there was only one person in front of me in the express lane.  Hell ya I’m going to make it!

"Can I see your ID"


Fucking fuck shit fuck.  ID are you kidding me.  I guess I’m so used to every store in town knowing me well enough to take a check, not to mention most places will do it if the sale is under $20.00.  So now I’m standing there with the lady behind me standing so close she could be a hemroid.  I am begging the cashier in front of all these people but NOOOOOO.  

Walk of shame out of Walmart.

I came home got my gym bag, got my purse and hauled balls to the permit place.  I luckily made it in time and then made it to the gym (minus one super cute bathing suit) and things turned out okay.

Moral of the story?  I think I need to go to my bank and ask for an extra debit card on our account.  One that I can keep in my car for emergencies like the above examples since it appears I do this shit often.


Okay and on to a totally different topic.  My Smith store always has shopping carts outside with things on mega clearance (hello Cheerios for .79) and I ALWAYS stop and look because one day I might need an arm load of tongs and Easter bunnies.  But today, oh boy, today, there was my favorite Always brand of maxi pads.  Pads are expensive and there they were for only $2.00.  


But I stopped.  I they were sort of at the bottom of the cart and I realized I wasn’t brave enough to be the girl digging to the bottom of a cart for maxi pads, nor was I brave enough to carry my clearance pads to the check out.  So tell me, would you have gotten them and thrown your pride aside?  Or would you have run screaming like a four year old the way I did?

6 thoughts on “Operation DUMBASS

  1. Oh, gee, I’m the opposite of you when it comes to this- I am always extra prepared with my debit,credit cards on hand. The only thing I rarely ever carry is cash or change. I do have bad habit of putting my debit card back in my purse though instead of my wallet and then I always think I’ve lost it!


  2. You would I’m sure carry a purse if it was not so big. A little one like mine with a long strap that just holds your ck book, wallet and a few other little things. I would be lost with out mine. Then just keep your big bag in the car.


  3. Sometime I think we live it two totally different worlds. There is no way in hell I would ever leave my purse in my car. Well first because that would be the reason they broke my window to steal it. And oh yeah now that we are in let’s take the car. I wouldn’t even leave it in the trunk because someone might see me do this and then follow us and break into the trunk. Yeah that’s how my head works.
    Hey my friends car got broken into (smashed window) because my other friend left her glasses case in the front seat. Expensive glasses but people wanted them bad enough.
    I’m also that crazy friend that make you take your stuff with you. No you can’t leave your sweater in the car and now I will not open the trunk when we are parked so you can put stuff in there if we are going out. You should have put it in the trunk when I picked you up not when we got to the bar. They know me they accept my crazy.
    there is nothing ever left in the seats of my car.Period.


  4. I would have totally dug for those $2 pads!!! Sometimes my hubby takes the one debit card we have and I am stuck in the store with no way to pay. Usually I don’t take my checkbook in either. UGH.


  5. I would’ve dug for the pads. Who the hell cares if anyone’s looking? Just smile and wave.
    And it sounds like you DO need an extra debit card. šŸ™‚


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