So. I would say the last 10 weeks or so have really kicked my ass. Between my grandpa dying, thinking my family was making up to find out they were going to be bigger assholes, an adoption situation, an asshole tenant, literally not sleeping more then 3 hours at a time, and only sleeping with the help of valium, getting so worked up with kids and life that I actually started thinking smashing dishes against the wall sounded like the best idea in the world. I’m not giving my husband the attention he deserves. I’m yelling like crazy, I’m overwhelmed, preoccupied, angry, drained and lost in my head. I lost a lot of income in the last month and went from putting away a lot of money to savings to being negative every week and being pay check to paycheck.
My psychiatrist spent the full hour shaking his head at me today and finally asked me how in the hell I had made it past the last 3 weeks. The second to last time he saw me I had walked from the hospital where my grandpa was dying down a busy road, walked in his office while he had a client in and demanded to be medicated before I turned around walked to ER and asked to be sedated. He ended up doubling my medication, more then doubling my dose of valium and telling me I can not go more then a month with out seeing him. He has no idea what to do with me since I’ve pretty much admitted I’ve gotten lost in my head and I don’t want out because as shit tastic as my head is right now I’m comfortable in here right now, I know how to function this way.
So. Ginger and I want to go to San Francisco and spend a three days doing nothing but eat good food and go dick around at kid museums and ice cream shops. I need to get out of town. Get away from everything, spend a road trip blasting Miley, spend 2 hours in line in the morning to get into the best breakfast place in America, and follow that up with going to a fresh bakery and proceed to taste on of every single thing in there. I promise you, if I don’t get to go out of town in two weeks, shit will hit the fan, things will be broken, and people will be screamed out.