I read a story today in Marie Clair about a girl in treatment for anorexia.  In the hospital they were allowed only one tampon at a time and had to be monitored when they took it out and disposed of it.  WHY?????

Because some women would soak it in water and swallow it to try and look like they gained weight for their doctors during treatment.

I give good head but even I don’t think I could swallow a water soaked tampon!

I saw my doctor yesterday.  You know the one for my "crazy."  Rob came with me this time.  Which was fun actually.  It was cute to see him and the doctor look at each other a few times during the talk and make a face that said, "dude I know, I have to live with her," or "look shes displaying the crazy right now, it’s like a free show only without the beer."  At one point my doctor said, "so you are depressed?" In my head I responded "NO SHIT SHERLOCK." They both agree however that I’ve done excellent lately at showcasing my ‘poker face.’  I’ve decided that is bad though.  I’m sitting here looking all put together and shit and on the inside I’m thinking:

WHAT’S THE CLOSEST THING I CAN SMASH

I HATE MYSELF, I HATE YOU, AND I HATE EVERYTHING AROUND ME (accept this glass of wine, I don’t hate this glass of wine, by the end of this post I bet I love this glass of wine and everything around it)

I’M FAT AND NEVER EATING AGAIN

I’M FAT AND I’M GOING TO EAT EVERYTHING ON MY PLATE AND EVERYTHING ON YOURS TOO

SMASH SMASH SMASH

AM I HEARING THINGS

STOP MAKING NOISE

OAMGOKADJGLAKFDJGOIHDFGKAJDFGKHA;DFGHAKJEGHAO;H

 

But I put on a really good poker face.  We are adding in an anti depressant to the "mood stabilizer."  But I’m wondering, does the mood stabilizer have to pick a personality to stabilize before it stabilizes or is it just supposed to stabilize all the personalities in my head?

*takes a sip (lie gulp) of wine*

Anyway, the husband wants to come again next time which is good.  I like it.  It’s nice knowing he might start to understand some of this.

 

In other news. Even though I had a hysterectomy I still have a mental period every other month (since I only have one ovary it skips months) IT’S THAT MONTH.  Add that in with the depression and the lack of being on meds and whoooo boy it’s fun round these parts.  Maybe I do need a tampon after all.  To jam into my eyeballs or something.  Or maybe two tampons, to use as ear plugs. 

Ear plugs…now those sound good.

My favorite part of the meeting with my doctor went like this:

Husband: So how long until the meds work?

Doctor: About 2-3…

Husband: DAYS!!!!! (insert awesome happy face)

Doctor: (insert oh shit face) No, weeks

Husband: (Insert a look of despair) oh…man…oh….sigh (insert brave face)

And then my doctor actually started laughing, it was so funny.  Really funny.  Because he knows what my husband is in for, and he actually got to see Rob’s face and my doctor just laughed…like santa, like a big ole jolly santa he just sat there laughing. 

And then I laughed.

And my husband….he wanted to borrow my poker face!