Why is it you are smart enough to bring your water dish to me when it's empty but you aren't smart enough to ask to go outside to poop?  I don't understand.  We stood out there for 30 minutes last night while I kept saying, "go potty, go potty," and then you walked in and shit on my floor.  But then 10 minutes later you came walking over with your empty water dish. Please explain, why you couldn't just go bark at the door and ask to go out.  Or even better why you couldn't just take a shit while we were outside for 30 minutes. 

Also please tell me why shoes taste so good to you?  They are shoes.  They aren't cat shit flavor (your favorite flavor) so what is so enticing about shoes?

In this same category is Codi's pajama pants.  Why do you only want to rip his jammie pants off him and eat them, but not Brandons?  Do Codis pants taste different because they are a smaller size?  What gives?

And finally please explain to me how you are able to swallow an entire cat shit whole?  Are you a snake?  Does your jaw just unlock and open up because that is pretty damn impressive.

Sincerely,

The women who wants you to stop shitting on her floor and refrain from eating cat shit and then licking her.