A while back ago I posted about Jack. The man who changed my life. Well not just him, his son whose words at the funeral changed my life just as much. I wanted to update you on how that is going.
IT IS GOING GREAT!!!
A million times a day I find myself asking, "What would Jack do Shannon." (WWJD)
I told Jack's son I was going to get a tattoo of Jacks signature on my arm and he told me NO NO NO Jack would not like that. Two days later this arrived in the mail:
This may seem like nothing to you but if you know me you know I don't wear any jewelery but the four pieces I've worn for the last 11 years. A silver bracelet from my best friend in 8th grade, a ring made from a quarter from my mom, my wedding ring and a cross from my grandma. I don't like jewelry. I don't wear it. It bugs me. So imagine how I felt when I put this bracelet on and it felt….like it had always been there.
When I'm mad at my kids, and I feel like I'm losing patience I look down at that bracelet, stop and re-evaluate the situation. I ask myself, "is it worth it?" And usually it is not. Last night Codi was being a total shit head and normally I would yell at him to go to his room. Then yell at him for crying and then just keep yelling. But last night I looked down at my wrist and tried something different. I asked him to come over to me and I just talked to him. I gave him a hug and calmed him down, asked him to please stop what he was doing AND HE DID. I sat back so proud of myself for trying something new. The definition of instanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, so DUH why not try something new?
I've been saying I would run again but I haven't been. Then Sunday I told myself that Wednesday would be the day, I was going to run again. I've done this a million times in the last six weeks and found a reason not to run. But yesterday while sitting at my desk I looked at the bracelet and said, "Jack would run right now Shannon, Jack would keep his word, make a deal with himself and stick to it." So, I ran and it felt amazing. I ran three miles. I wasn't even going to run more then one, was hoping for two and made it to three miles. I got off the treadmill and I was proud of myself. Even if the promise was to myself it felt good to keep it.
I've also decided to donate blood. Rob does it all the time and I've always found reasons why I can't but I've decided now I am going to do it! I'm going to be a donor again.
I've been eating better too. Fruits, salads, home cooked food again. I'm not beating myself up over a cookie here or there but I am trying and that is all that matters.
While catering the other night I walked in to find the other girl surrounded by mounds of dishes. I was going to walk back out. I was going to find something else to busy myself with. I hate dishes. But that damn bracelet, I looked down, looked back up at the girl and told her to take a break, go eat and I would finish the dishes. I felt accomplished at the end. Like I had really pulled my own weight. I knew Jack would have done that. I knew he would have been the first to offer to help and look at me I HELPED EVEN THOUGH IT WAS SOMETHING I DIDN'T WANT TO!
I've been hugging my husband a little more lately. Appreciating him more. Loving my kids more. Loving myself more. I can't believe how much that day changed me but it did. I hope it continues. I hope I can keep living my life the way Jack did, the way God did, the way I was meant to…as a good person!