I wanted to believe that I haven't been blogging lately because my kids got older and have homework, and need lunches packed and you know aren't little babies that I can just put on a play mat and not worry about.  But come on, I'm going to be honest with y'all I've become addicted to romance novels.  

Sigh.  

**Embarrassed sigh**

Not just any romance novels.  You know the sort of naughty kind of torrid ones.  

I know.  I KNOW.

I should be blogging not reading love stories about great sex and then a break up and then a big romantic make up and marriage or something but….I'm not even sorry because I only do it at night when I'm about to sleep and I can't bring my computer to work anyway so I wouldn't be blogging anyway.  And I can't blog in the morning because my kids actually require real clothes now not a quick onsie and a blanket.  And then need an actual lunch packed now I can't just pack a boob with some breast milk you know.  Then they need their homework done and packed up at night instead of just being all look shiny toy play with that woohoo.

So if that really only leaves me time to myself when I pee and get in bed you can bet I'm going to pick reading a quick book (yeah, my iPad goes pee with me) over writing a whole blog, because when I write blogs I want to be all funny and stuff and I'm just not funny at 11:00 pm at night when I'm all full of sleeping pills and thinking more about sex with my husband then spell check.  

But.  I will figure it out.  Because I miss you guys.  And I know eventually my kids will give me a little bit of time to myself and maybe I won't always be making dinner late at night which will leave me more time around 9:00pm to write a post.  Or, you know maybe I'll just say fuck it, tell my husband to make dinner and I'll run and hide in my girl room and write about blog post, about my run, that has to do with a movie reference that….

Oh my.  I read romance novels and do embarrassing things while I run.  Why do y'all even read me?

I can't believe how many of you want me to humiliate myself.  Anyway I've been super busy lately so I haven't written it yet because I want to write it really good and funny.  So tonight after I balance my checkbook (haven't done it in over a month) I'm going to sit down and write it.

I've decided I might be ready to talk about,"the run."  But I'm not sure.  It's not very lady like at all.  So, those of you in favor of hearing my worst horror story ever IN MY ENTIRE LIFE please raise your hands.  Then we will take a vote.

What's for dinner?

I reply…

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS IS…DINNER A LA SHANNON.

I just threw a bunch of crap in three pots (yes three for maximum mess potential) and now I'm praying it tastes okay.

Maybe I should go to the store.

Meh…maybe next week.

But I do have fresh corn, peppers, tomatoes, edamame, green beans, sweet pees, beets, potatoes, zucchini and cucumbers.  So…see I don't need to go to the store right?

I didn't make the best grades.  I wasn't always the smartest.  I didn't finish college.  I don't have a fancy degree or job title.  I've done nothing spectacular with my life. I am average.

But.

I would never hurt an animal.  I treat all of my furry friends and slimy fish friends with respect.  I am the type of person who would spend seven days trying to rescue day old bunnies even though I knew I would fail, because I couldn't not try.

I love children.  All children.  The notion that there are children out there starving, being hurt, not being loved hurts me to my core.

I would do anything for my friends.  They have been there for me so many times that I owe them my life.  

I give everyone a second chance, and sometimes a third.

I help people even when I should be competing against them.

I remember every teachers name I've ever had because while I wasn't always the best student I respected what they were doing.

I see the art and beauty in books.  I read them.  I drink them in.  I treat them with respect.  

I aspire to be big someday.  To do something amazing and noteworthy.

I aspire to have a degree in something that truly means something to my soul.

I step on spiders.  I'm sorry but I'm not that perfect.

I try and smile at strangers.

I donate as often as I can.

I give money to people on the streets.

I try and hear other peoples stories because I never know what they are going to teach me.

I can't lose weight.

I hate a million things about myself.

I don't always work as hard as I can.

I sometimes yell at my kids.

My dog drives me insane.

I don't like to be touched.

I don't know how to comfort people when I should.

I shut down easily.

I don't hug.

I think teachers are the most amazing people ever and I try my hardest to help them out.

I have the utmost respect for nurses.

I wish I could be a veterinarian.

I don't eat meat but I treat it with respect when I cook it.

I love my kids fiercely.

I would move mountains for my husband.

I enjoy the simple things in life.

I don't run enough.

I don't walk my dog enough.

I read to my kids as much as I can.

I cry when I send them to time out.

I want to give them the world.

I recycle vigilantly and get angry at people who don't.

I rescue critters often.

I don't trust people enough.

But I trust people too much.

I do my best.

It's not enough.

But it is better then some.

I judge people.

I accept people.

I color inside the lines ALWAYS.

I build a mean Lego house.

My husband builds a radder Lego house and I get jealous of that.

I'm guilty of all of the seven sins.

I'm in love with a vampire.

I'm afraid of the dark.

I live in a concrete castle.

But I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I cry to easy. 

But I cry at all the wrong times.

No matter how lonely my husband is in Reno I selfishly will never leave.

I would love to experience living in another city (Oregon anyone).

I'm not brave enough to ever leave.

My children drive me insane.

I'm bored to death without them.

I know exactly who I want to be.

But I have no idea who I really am.

Does anyone?

Do you?

Do you know exactly who you are?